Of birds and bees
by tant-gredelin
Summary: Ichigo tries to study. Renji demands his attention. A sort of chaos ensues. From crack to hurt to comfort to smut, all laced with a good dose of humour. Ren/Ichi Yaoi, rated for language and sexual content. Reviews are appreciated!
1. The discovery

Bleach doesn't belong to me. Bawww.

----

Renji wearily eyed the computer screen. Eyes behind pink rimmed glasses darted back and forth, reading.

"Renji, please. Can I have my glasses back now? I need to get back to my books and I'll get a headache if I don't wear them."

"Listen to this." The redhead ignored the plea from the frowning teenager sitting on the bed a couple of feet away from the desk he was stationed at. "'The young substitute shinigami closed the distance between them, crushing his mouth against Renji's.'"

He heard a crash behind him and looked over his shoulder, finding Ichigo flat on his ass on the floor, flaying his arms as he tried to get up.

"What?!" The teenager got to his feet and leaned over Renji's shoulder, eyes locking onto the webpage on the screen.

The older man glanced to the side, seeing Ichigo staring wildly, mouth moving as he read silently.

"Looks like we're famous!"

The happy exclamation earned a snort from the boy. He took over from where Renji had stopped. "'Soon they were fighting for dominance on the bed, nearly rolling off it several times. Renji ended up on top of the strawberry, pinning down his arms above his head.' Aw, what the fuck?!"

Another glance confirmed what Renji had already guessed. Ichigo was blushing furiously, the tip of his ears a deep shade of scarlet. He grinned.

"Renji, what is this shit? Where did you find it? How the fuck… How fucking dare they call me 'strawberry'??"

The shinigami simply pointed to the top of the screen, the URL clearly visible.

"'Fanfiction dot net'. We have _fans_?" Ichigo squeaked in disbelief.

"We've perverted fans." Renji corrected him. "Wait until you get to the part with the strawberry scented lube and the handcuffs."

"You've already read through it? Why didn't you say anything? And how can you stay so calm? Are you enjoying this? You're enjoying this aren't you!"

The redhead chuckled, reaching up with his hand and patting Ichigo firmly on the cheek. "You're such a prude." His smile was wolfish, showing slightly pointed canines.

"Wha- I… I'm not! And why do you get to be on top?" Ichigo's eyes never once left the screen as he spoke, his ears and cheeks burning with humiliation. "We have _fans_?" he repeated.

"'S not that hard to figure out, is it? Clearly I'm superior to you and the author recognizes that. I'm the, uh… There's a word for it somewhere here." His hand left Ichigo's cheek and reached for the screen, following the lines of text with a fingertip. "The 'seme'. I think that means you're my bitch."

"WHAT?!" Ichigo straightened up and whacked Renji on the back of the head, shame instantly replaced with rage.

"Ow! Fuck, Ichigo. 'S not my fault, I didn't write this."

Ichigo whacked him again. "I wouldn't be surprised if you did, you've always been a freak."

Renji laughed out loud, rubbing the back of his head with a large hand. "I might be a freak, not that you would know anything about that, mind you, being a little strawberry with his cherry intact and everything." He braced himself for another blow, but none came. Spinning the office chair he was sitting in around to face his friend, he met a glare so poisonous it probably could kill if not a person then at least a small animal. The redhead kept grinning. "Aren't you gonna hit me again?"

Ichigo's arms hung parallel to his sides, his hands fisted tight enough to pale the knuckles. He gritted his teeth, obviously fighting the urge to wipe that grin off Renji's face.

"Anyways," Renji turned his back to the teenager again, once more focusing on the computer screen. "There's a whole bunch of them. We seem to be popular."

Ichigo relaxed his hands, a bewildered look on his face.

"How many?"

"Uh, a hundred at least. Don't worry, I haven't read them."

"Fucking hell…" The teenager ran his hands through his hair, and let out a huge puff of air.

Renji pushed the glasses up with a finger, leaning forward a little. "'The crimson maned man pushed into the slender but well muscled body below him, his lips resting against Ichigo's neck, right over the jugular, each heartbeat vibrating against them. The younger of the two whined from the pain burning his insides.'" He snorted. "If it hurts, they're doing it wrong. Uh, that's us doing it wrong, I guess. Is it? Anyways. 'The tight velvet heat was driving him crazy and he told Ichigo so as he increased the pace, thrusting harder. The teenager whined and panted. "Faster, Renji. Fuck me harder!"' …" Renji's voice trailed off, a heavy silence settling between the two males.

Ichigo cleared his throat. "And then..?"

The older man glanced over his shoulder, tattooed eyebrows raised. He studied the teenager for a moment before shrugging and turning back to the screen. "'The younger man tugged at his restraints, wanting so badly to touch, to hold, as wave after wave of ecstasy surged through his body. The tip of Renji's co- hrm… cock slammed into that sweet, sweet spot at his core, making him see stars. It was the most amazing sensation he had ever felt.'"

Now it was the shinigami's turn to blush, a deep pink tinting his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, matching the frames of the glasses he wore perfectly.

"Sweet spot? Like the prostate or something?" Ichigo chewed on his bottom lip, his voice carefully kept under control as he once more leaned forward to read over Renji's shoulder.

"U-huh, I guess. That's nice and all but it's not like it's a magic button or anything."

"How would you know?"

"I'm old enough to be your grandpa and then some, dumbass. I'm not a blushing virgin."

"Well, you're blushing."

"Oh look who's talking! Idiot."

"This is just too fucking weird." Ichigo muttered under his breath, hands still buried in his hair.

"Maybe I should just… You need to study." Renji made a move to remove the glasses but froze as Ichigo grabbed his shoulder.

"Don't stop."

"Ichigo… I'm not sure-"

"Come on, just for fun? I wanna know if I end up on top." He cracked an unconvincing smile.

Renji sighed, trying hard to ignore the hand on his shoulder.

"'It didn't take more than a handful of thrusts before the younger male came all over his own belly and chest, screaming as he did. The older one followed suit directly afterwards, moaning and bucking as he emptied himself inside his lover.'" Renji scratched the back of his head, some of the tension letting up as he mulled the text over in his mind. "They gotta be fucking kidding me."

Ichigo let his hand slip from Renji's shoulder, increasing the distance between them a little.

"What."

"'A handful of thrusts'? What a fucking insult. I've stamina, I'm not a fucking teenager." He paused and glanced back at Ichigo. " Uh, not that there's anything wrong with being a teenager you know, but… These people haven't got a clue about how I fuck. I can last for hours, damnit. And this!" He pointed an accusing finger at the screen. ""Do they've any idea of how hard it is to come simultaneously? You gotta be tuned in with each other. You gotta _know_…"

Behind him Ichigo's breath hitched. The redhead tensed up again but swung around to face his friend. "What's the matter, Ichigo?"

"It's nothing."

Renji frowned. The atmosphere in the room was getting way too heavy and ambiguous for him so he charged on. "There's clearly something. I heard you."

"It's- I- I was just clearing my throat, Renji."

The shinigami removed the glasses, putting them down gently on the desk while reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger. He got to his feet before meeting the shorter male's gaze.

Ichigo looked away almost immediately. "Really, it's nothing. It was just… nice. To hear you talk about the connection between two persons. Fuck, Renji. Like you said, I'm just a teenage virgin. I don't know much about these things!" He looked up, meeting half lidded eyes.

Renji studied him in silence. A minute passed.

"So you didn't get all riled up from the 'fuck for hours' part then?"

"No! Of course not. Why should I care about your stamina?" The boy's cheeks turned red again.

"'Cause you're a teenage virgin."

Ichigo punched him in the shoulder. "You're unbelievable! First you get all pissy because I took a fucking breath and now you are trying to do what? Provoke me? What do you want, Renji?"

Renji absently rubbed the spot Ichigo's fist had impacted with, still watching him closely. His voice was low, gentler now. "I didn't mean it like that. Guess the story got to me a little. It's weird, isn't it? Someone has been sitting in front of their computer somewhere, imagining us fucking." A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Like rabbits, from the looks of it."

Ichigo's doomsday frown eased up a tiny bit. His eyes darted between the redhead's eyes and his lips. Finally he answered the smile with a strained one of his own. "Yeah, it's weird."

The tension still hung heavy between them, shining in their eyes.

"So… It really doesn't hurt then? I imagined fitting something like that where it doesn't belong wouldn't be very comfortable." The blush on the young male's face deepened.

The bigger man sunk back into the chair. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he clasped them behind his head, putting on an air of nonchalance that really wasn't there. "Nah, it doesn't hurt if you do it right. Proper warm up, taking it slow, making your partner relaxed and excited enough." His answer was slow and carefully worded.

"Huh." Ichigo followed suit and sunk down on his bed, sitting on the edge of it, forearms resting on his knees. "How do you warm up?"

Renji huffed. "You messin' with me? I mean, that's pretty obvious, isn't it."

"Forget it. Fuck."

It was like treading over a minefield. They pressed on, careful not to take the wrong step, but some mines were hidden and others could go off without them even touching them.

Renji groaned. "I'm sorry. This is so messed up; I don't know what to think. I keep forgetting how young you are. 'S been so many years since I wondered about these things myself." He unclasped his hands and rubbed them over his face, speaking with them still covering the his eyes. "I guess there are several ways to warm up, but fingers are a sure bet. Fingers and lots of lube of some kind."

Ichigo seemed to be mulling that over. ""It's not very hygienic, is it."

The laughter was more of a bark. "There's always, you know, water and soap. Sex isn't very hygienic no matter how you do it."

"I guess." Ichigo studied his hands with seemingly great interest. "Renji, how did you know I was a virgin?" His voice was barely audible.

"Well, no offence but it's pretty obvious. Like, 'blinking neon sign above your head' obvious. Your face turned all kinds of red when I showed you the story. You're seventeen. You live a busy and fucked up life, every waking moment filled with studying and fighting and all kinds of shit. And you're totally fucking oblivious to the signs around you."

"What? What signs?"

"Exactly. I don't know if you've noticed but you're a really good looking kid. You've a whole following of fans who worship every step you take. You've never noticed the way girls look at you? The way that freaky ex-classmate of yours jumped you every time he got the chance?"

"Who?"

"What's his name… Keigo, was it?"

Ichigo spluttered. "What?! Keigo? But Keigo likes girls! He's obsessed with tits! Don't you remember the way he reacted when he saw Matsumoto the first time?"

Renji's laugh was genuine this time. "Well he had to put up a front, didn't he? It was painfully obvious he was gay." He smirked. "For you."

"I don't believe it. Really?"

"Really."

The teenager stared at his friend in disbelief. Then he sighed and looked down, hands reaching up and tugging at orange locks. "I'm such an idiot! Why can't I sense shit like that? I mean, how long has he been interested in me? And I never noticed. Some friend I am."

"Pff, count on Ichigo to blame himself for being the object of affection. Don't you ever get tired of carrying the world on your shoulders?"

Ichigo opened and closed his mouth several times, as if about to speak, but in the end he remained silent.

"Look, Ichigo. I don't care about you being inexperienced or clueless. I'm in no position to judge you." He reached out and ruffled the teenager's hair, not sure if touching was the best thing to do at the moment but he couldn't resist it. Renji wanted things to go back to normal, to a place where he could touch his friend without it being laden with some hidden meaning. They weren't quite there yet. Ichigo jolted at the touch, making the shinigami quickly pull his hand away. "Damnit."

A long silence followed, both males keeping their hands in their laps.

"Let's… Let's just forget about this, Renji. I don't want things getting weird between us." Ichigo offered a weak smile.

The redhead let out a sigh of relief. "Me neither. Yeah, let's forget we ever read that damn thing."

"They've it real fucking easy in the stories, haven't they? Just, you know, 'wham, bam, done with it.' No weird silences. No…" The teenager waved his hands in the air. "Whatever this was."

Renji chuckled and nodded.

"Real life's a bit more complicated, yeah."

----

A/n: This started out as heavy crack but sort of trailed off into something else. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. It's still pretty damn cracky though.

Mistakes in the text most probably have to do with the fact that English isn't my first language and I'm very new to the fanfic thing. I hope it's still readable.

Review if you like. Comments are always nice.


	2. The closet

SPOILER ALERT! From, say, chapter 347 and forward of the manga. Something like that.

No needs for warnings, I think. We're all adults, right?

Bleach doesn't belong to me.

----

Of course he didn't forget about it.

His answer earlier that day had been half true. Yes, it had surprised him to hear Renji speak so passionately about the importance of being in synch. But his breath had hitched because he'd suddenly seen Renji, naked and glistening, thrusting deep into someone. Into him. So he had lied. And he knew Renji knew, but they had both pushed it as far back into their minds as they could and when they pretended what Ichigo had said was the whole truth they had both believed it. Almost.

And so that night after Renji had left, Ichigo whined into the pillow covering his face as come dribbled down his hand, staining the patch of dark hair below.

His school books left unopened, the glasses resting untouched on the desk where Renji had put them.

"Fuck."

Ichigo looked down at the mess he had made, his right hand still closed around his cock. He gently let go and brought the hand to his face, hesitating with the thumb an inch away from his mouth. He swallowed hard, feeling his pulse throb in the back of his throat.

A tentative tongue poked out, sliding over a slick knuckle.

It tasted… It didn't taste much. Salty, slightly acrid but mostly like nothing at all. It surprised him. He had expected something else, something _more_. But now he knew, right? It wouldn't come as a shock if he-

Ichigo cursed under his breath and yanked his hand away. He reached out with the other and groped blindly until he found the box of tissues on the nightstand, nabbing a couple, and cleaned up the sticky mess as much as he could. He bunched the tissues up and threw them in the general direction of the wastebasket by the desk, not really caring if they hit their target.

"_I bet he'll taste different_." The voice rippled in his head, licking his ears from the inside.

Ichigo had finally managed to learn how to tame his inner hollow. Almost. After the chaos in Hueco Mundo, the final form he had taken, finally realising what it was to be a creature of pure instinct, he had fought tenfold upon his return. With help from the band of merry vizards and strict practise in learning how to control his reiatsu he had slowly beaten the beast inside him into submission. He had shackled it to the very back corner of his mind and raised high and thick walls around it.

But those walls turned thinner and more brittle when he was under heavy emotional stress and a few times his hollow had managed to break through. 'For a friendly chat' it said. 'Just to make sure you still have it in you' it said. 'To see if you're still steady in the saddle' it said and it was always on the right side of mockery, of malice. Never enough to make the walls in Ichigo's mind crumble completely, just enough to piss him off before they were reinforced again.

Heavy emotional stress, alright. Butterflies tumbled in his stomach, a glance downwards told him what he already knew – he was still hard.

"_I bet he'll taste stronger than you_."

Ichigo didn't bother with a response. Instead he took a deep breath and focused inwards, started working on those weakened walls.

"_You're just no fun anymore_..." The voice grew weaker and was soon cut off completely.

The sigh of relief morphed into one of need as his hand once more wrapped itself around his cock, almost as if on its own accord. He pulled upwards, gently, and hissed between his teeth as fingers rubbed over the sensitive head. It was too much, even with the foreskin in between. He released his cock and closed his eyes hard, trying to ignore the throbbing, the sensation of being impossibly hard so soon after climax.

It wasn't as if he hadn't been practising that art for a long time. Denied pleasure. It sounded almost noble. Pure and chaste, part of a knight's codex.

There had been a time when Ichigo had tried hard to be what he felt he should be. When he had closed his eyes hard and brought forth images of naked breasts, of that mysterious 'V' between rounded thighs that was so easily seen during swimming sessions in gym class. He had held onto those images with the desperation of a drowning man as his hand moved in his boxers, but it always ended the same way. His mind ambushed him, replacing the images with ones of harder bodies, flat chests, blunt feverish fingers, chapped lips. Sometimes it took him over, sent him over the edge. Mostly it made him yank his hand away as if getting burnt. The shame was unbearable when he came, merely hot and painful when he managed to quit in time. In the end he had all but stopped masturbating, tucking his urges away somewhere in a dark and seldom visited place of himself.

Then came Rukia and with her his new role as shinigami. Another step on his way to knighthood. He had thrown himself into battle, happy to transform unspoken, desperate energy into the fury and fervour needed to defeat his enemies, to protect his friends.

Now he wondered if it was that same energy that had allowed his hollow to engulf him, the feral urges and the desperate need to protect mingling and feeding the creature within. Turning him into _that_.

The Espada Ulquiorra had held true to his word. He had shown Ichigo true despair and all but ripped his heart out in Hueco Mundo, leaving a gaping hole in Ichigo's chest.

Ichigo had been gone, truly gone then and he could still remember a split second of relief, of gratefulness that it was over. Then it had all been a blur – Inoue's screams, Ishida's voice cracked with disbelief – and one and only one thought had remained in his head. _Protect_. The rest had been the instincts of an animal, the resolution of a mother bear separated from her cub. The rest had been blood and hair and the smell of scorched flesh. The rest had been Zangetsu driven straight through Ishida. _Protect_.

Ichigo felt his stomach turn.

The burning knot in his groin loosened, dissolved. At least gutting his friends didn't turn him on. Always something. He snorted and tugged boxers and sweat pants back up.

With the distraction he needed provided, albeit a morbid one, Ichigo turned on his side and curled up.

He slept.

--

The next morning was Sunday. Birds chirped and crickets sang. The sun already stood high in the sky when Ichigo woke up. He stretched and yawned, pointedly ignoring the half-erection tenting the sweat pants he had slept in, before getting up.

After dressing and winning a fight for control to be able to take a piss, he made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, bracing himself for his father's good-morning kick.

None came. The house was silent and empty.

On the kitchen counter there was a note, written in two sets of handwriting.

"_Dear brother,_

_Make your own damn breakfast._

_Our idiot dad is taking us to the beach today. We won't be home until late. He said something about a fair too._

_Love,_

_Karin_

_P.s. Make your own damn dinner._ "

And below that

"_Dear beloved son,_

_I left some money hidden under the plates in the cupboard. Make sure to eat a proper dinner._

_Love,_

_Your loving father_"

Ichigo smiled a little before crumpling the note up and throwing it in the trash. He nabbed the money in the cupboard and shoved them into his back pocket. With the house at peace, maybe he'd be able to actually do some studying today. God knows it was needed.

Putting his cooking skills to the test he popped a couple of pieces of toast into the toaster and poured a glass of orange juice, settling at the kitchen table when it was all done.

Peace and quiet. He sighed. Blessed peace and quiet. If he was really lucky his shinigami badge wouldn't go off either. And if he turned up the volume high enough on his iPod when he later sat down with his books, maybe he'd even be able to shut out the nagging memory of a redhead studying him with half-closed eyes, of tattooed eyebrows knit tightly together, of blushing cheeks, of-

"FUCK!" Ichigo jumped up and wiped at the front of his shirt, now drenched in orange juice. The glass lay in shards on the floor and his palm was bleeding. "Shit."

"That's quite an impressive vocabulary you got there, kid."

Ichigo jumped at the voice and swirled around, coming face to face with Renji.

_Of course_.

"Don't you people _ever_ knock? How did you get in?"

"The front door was unlocked."

"You actually used the front door?"

Renji nodded proudly. "You're bleeding, by the way."

"I kinda noticed."

"All over the floor." Renji added helpfully. "And your shirt is all wet."

Ichigo couldn't help but to feel gratitude towards the shinigami standing in front of him. It was so easy to be pissed off with him, and it was just what he needed right now. "You're so fucking perceptive, idiot."

Renji smirked. "I do my best. Go get cleaned up and I'll take care of the mess here. You might need help with dressing those cuts too. Let me know when you're ready."

Ichigo blinked, did a double-take. "I- uh. Ok." He left the room and took the stairs in a couple of steps, dumbfounded.

_Damn you. Damn you damn you damn you damn you, being all nice and helpful. What the fuck is that about_?

"You're bleeding all over the damn stairs, dumbass! Bet you're doing it on purpose too!" Renji hollered after him.

Ichigo couldn't stop the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he wrapped his hand in the hem of his already ruined T-shirt.

When he reached the bathroom upstairs he washed the cuts carefully, pulling a few shards of glass from his palm. He eyed the damage and decided no stitches were needed. It wasn't that bad really, but hands always bled so damn much.

Keeping his wounded hand over the basin, he managed to grab a small towel with the other. Using one hand and his mouth he wound and tied it tightly around the cut hand. Satisfied with his work he started stripping his clothes off. The orange juice had soaked through his shirt and left his chest sticky. As he stepped out of his boxers he winced inwards, looking down at the other mess, the remains dried and flaky, making his pubes stick together.

Showering was a bit awkward with one hand kept up and out of the way of the water, but he got himself reasonably clean. He had just managed to dry himself off and pull his boxers back on when there was a knock on the door.

"You doing ok in there?"

"I thought I was supposed to let you know when I was ready." Ichigo yelled.

"Yeah, well. I finished cleaning up and thought…"

"You have the patience of a gnat, Renji."

He heard a chuckle.

"Can I come in?"

"I'm still getting dressed, damnit." Ichigo looked down at the pants he was holding. The entire front was spattered and stained. _Oh, what the hell_. "Alright, come in. I need to get clean clothes anyway."

"I could bring some if you want."

_There it was again. All nice and helpful._ Ichigo cleared his throat. "With your sense of fashion, I think I'll pass."

There was a snort, at least Ichigo thought it was, it being muffled and all, and then the door opened.

Renji stuck his head in. "Well, at least you're decent. Wouldn't want to catch you naked."

"Sure you wouldn't." It was meant to come out as mocking. Mean. Sharp. Anything but embarrassed and soft. Ichigo cringed.

The shinigami paused and looked at Ichigo for a moment before stepping in. "Anyways, sit down."

"The first aid kit is-"

"I know where it is, Ichigo. I've used it enough times by now to know." Renji reached up and grabbed a box from the top shelf, next to the bathroom mirror.

"Right." Ichigo muttered and sat down on the toilet.

"Take the towel off." Renji put the box down on the floor and sunk down on his haunches in front of Ichigo. He busied himself with opening it and rummaged through it, removing bandages, tape and compresses while carefully avoiding looking at the teen.

Ichigo once again did as he was told without protest. The wounds were shallow enough to not have bled through the towel and blood merely beaded along the cuts now. He held his hand out and looked away.

It was as if Renji only could look at him once he looked in another direction. The redhead grabbed his hand gently and studied it for a moment. "This isn't so bad. Keep your hand still, will ya?" He ripped the wrapper around the sterile compress open with the help of his teeth and carefully pressed the square pad against Ichigo's palm. "How the hell did you manage to break a glass in your hand anyways?"

Ichigo looked down at his friend. "I guess I'm just bad at controlling my strength."

That was Renji's cue to look away and he busied himself with the bandages, unwrapping them. "Keep the compress in place. And you're lying. What were you thinking of?"

Ichigo's eyes widened and he felt his cheeks starting to burn. _No! Not now! How could he be so dense and so damn perceptive at the same time_? "I… You don't wanna know." He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, willing the blush to go away.

Renji grabbed his hand again and started wrapping it up in bandages, working quickly and efficiently. "Was it about me?"

Ichigo jolted "_What_?! Of course not! What kind of question is that?" His entire face felt as if it was on fire, an alarm had gone off in his head. _Get up, get out, get up, get out, get up, get out_… He started to rise but a sudden, firm grip on his wrist kept him in place. He felt Renji's eyes on him now, searching. There was no way he could look back.

"Ichigo…" Renji's voice was thick but soft. "Look at me."

Ichigo whined and cringed at the sound coming from him.

"Ichigo, please."

He swallowed hard, over and over, willing his mouth to produce saliva, to remove the desert that suddenly resided there. When he felt rough fingers cup his chin and tilt his face down he realised he trembled. "Please don't do this…" His voice was barely even a whisper.

Their eyes met. Ichigo's were terrified, Renji's were half-closed and dark.

"'Cause I've been thinking about you."

_He had_? "You have?!" Now that Ichigo had locked eyes with his friend he found himself unable to look away, hypnotized by the swirls of red and brown surrounding dilated pupils. "Why?"

A shadow of a smile crossed Renji's face. "Like I said yesterday, guess the story got to me. So was it?"

Ichigo blinked, his eyes as dry as his mouth. "Was it what?" His voice was so small, so pathetic. He hated himself for it.

"About me."

_Can't. No. He's still holding my face. Oh__ god. I can't deal with this._

"No."

Renji frowned, staring at him. Finally he shrugged and moved his fingers away, returning his attention to Ichigo's hand. He finished putting the bandages on and secured them with a generous amount of tape. "How does that feel?"

"I- uh." Ichigo flexed his hand a little. "Fine, I guess. Thank you."

"Good." Renji patted Ichigo's thigh firmly and flashed a crooked smile before getting to his feet. "Go get dressed. I'll clean this up."

Ichigo didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't think of a time he had been more confused than now. His head was spinning and his heart threatened to leave his body through his mouth. In the end he just obeyed without a word, missing the confused look on his friend's face as he left the bathroom.

---

A/n

Disclaimer: I've only read up until chapter 180 of the manga, but then I cheated and jumped to the latest ones. I caught a glimpse of the creature Ichigo had just turned into and it haunted me. So I had to read that part through. This means I might have gotten things wrong since I've no clue of what lead up to it (more than I've seen in the anime). I don't know if the vizards are still around, for example.

I offer my apologies if I've strayed off the path too much.

-English is not my first language and so it most certainly will be mistakes in the text. I'm mostly worried about grammar and tense.

-This story isn't beta:ed.

Comments are much appreciated!


	3. The hurt

No warnings.

Bleach isn't mine and yada yada.

----

Ichigo grew still once he had shut the bedroom door behind him. His head was still spinning and there was a sour taste in his mouth.

_Why the fuck are you doing this to me?! You're supposed to be my friend!_ He paused in his thoughts and rolled his eyes. _As if I'm any better... I'm the one jerking off thinking about him. I'm fucked. Completely and totally fucked._

His hand, still lingering on the door handle, started shaking and he let go, cradled it in the bandaged one, willing it to stop trembling. The light breeze from the cracked-open window swept over bare skin and reminded Ichigo of the fact that he was nearly naked. He hated that Renji had seen him like this. Vulnerable, blushing, _weak_. There was nothing he hated more than being weak. Maybe letting other people see him when he was. Yes, he decided, he hated that even more.

Throwing a blatant lie in the fucker's face hadn't helped. Ichigo had hoped it would make the fire in his face go away, would make Renji back off, but even though he had dropped the subject nothing had eased up. Nothing. It just hurt more.

_Clothes. Put on clothes and make Renji leave. __Order some food. Study. _

He stalked over to his closet and removed clean boxers from it, changing quickly before the nosy fucking idiot came sniffing around for him again. _Idiot. Idiot idiot idiot motherfucking IDIOT!_

Ichigo welcomed the anger creeping up on him with open arms, let it flow through him. It steadied his hands and cleared his head. He slipped into a pair of worn jeans, buckling the belt while spitting curses under his breath.

He had his arms and head trapped in a green t-shirt when there was a knock on the door. _Go away_. "Come in." Ichigo managed to pull the shirt down and quickly ran his hands through his hair.

The door opened and Renji stepped in, leaning back against the door frame while crossing his arms over his broad chest. "Hey."

"What do you want?" Ichigo snarled before turning his back to the shinigami.

"Just came to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine."

"You need to stop lying."

Straight to the point. That was Renji for you, subtle as a fucking brick in the face. Ichigo clenched his fists. "I don't know what you're talking about."

There was a growl and before he could even blink Ichigo found himself swept around, large hands clamping down hard on his shoulders.

"It's bad enough that you're lying to others, but you can't lie to yourself, Kurosaki. Look at yourself." Renji shook Ichigo's shoulders lightly. "I don't know what the fuck just happened back there, but it wasn't pretty. Your face just closed down. Your eyes went dead!"

Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, to hurt, to redeem himself but nothing came out.

Renji ploughed on. "There's something between us, don't even try to deny it, but you know what? I _don't care_ about that. It's not what's important here. You've no obligation to return my feelings. You've an obligation to face whatever the fuck is going on inside you and deal with that." He shook Ichigo's shoulders again for emphasis.

"That's none of your fucking business." Ichigo scowled hard, toying with the idea to spit Renji in the face.

Renji leaned in closer, their faces inches from each other, as if reading Ichigo's thoughts and daring him to. "Are you stupid or something? I said it's _your_ business and you need to deal with it."

The boy swallowed. The cold dread that had been lurking beneath the surface broke through and pushed the anger to the sidelines. "You don't know how it feels." He licked his lips, forced himself to look Renji in the eye. "I can't. I just can't."

"Why not?"

Anger pushed back. "Fuck you, Renji. Just _fuck you_! You make it sound as if it's easy! You've no idea of fucking hard it is! You've no idea of how it feels to want shit you're not supposed to want, of how long I've kept-" Ichigo paled as his brain caught up with his mouth.

He saw Renji's eyes narrow and glimmer so he did the only thing he really knew how to.

Slapping the hands from his shoulders, Ichigo took a step back and shoved his friend hard in the chest, making him stagger backwards. He was back up in Renji's face in a split second, one hand gripping the front of the redhead's shirt, the other pulled back, ready to strike.

But he hesitated.

"Just do it." Renji's voice was low and level. "Be a big man. Hit me and see if it makes all this go away."

Ichigo bristled, eyes ablaze, but he didn't move. "Why did you come here, Renji? What do you want from me?"

"I came to talk, Ichigo. I came to see if things were cool between us." Renji paused, bit his lip. "And yeah, I came because I wanted to see you, because I-" Crimson eyes closed. "Because of what I felt yesterday when I left here."

"And you felt _what_? I made you hard? You jerked off thinking of me, is that it?!"

"What? No! That's not it!"

"'Cause _I did, ok_?! I couldn't get that fucking story out of my head and it's just… wrong! I don't DO that shit!"

Renji's eyes widened at that but otherwise he was seemingly unfazed by the hand bunched in his shirt, by the looming fist that seemed to ache with the need to kiss his jaw, even by the screaming in his face that was punctuated by specks of saliva. He reached up and flattened his hand against Ichigo's heaving chest, right over his racing heart. "It's ok, Ichigo. Calm down. It's ok."

"The _fuck_ it is!" He threw the punch, not really surprised when Renji caught the fist in his before the impact. What surprised him was when Renji didn't let go but instead squeezed his fist until it relaxed and opened, and then knit their fingers together.

Ichigo released Renji's shirt, blinking furiously. He tried to pull his hand back but Renji wouldn't let him. A whine found its way from his throat and when he felt his legs finally give out he allowed them, dropping to his knees with a thud. He found himself unable to do anything but stare up at Renji. His chest hurt, as if something in there tried to break free.

"It's not wrong, you know. There's no shame in it." Renji squeezed his hand and then released it.

Ichigo remained silent, brown eyes locked on Renji's face in a wordless plea.

Renji sighed. "Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and not give a fuck about any kind of male pride right now." He kneeled down on the floor and dragged Ichigo into his arms, holding him tight to his chest. "You can hit me later for this."

"Renji-"

"Shut up. Just shut up, idiot." Renji murmured and tightened his grip, resting his chin on top of Ichigo's head.

Ichigo felt that _something_ break in his chest. He started to tremble. Feelings that had been kept in check for so long, for too long, washed over him, threatened to drown him. Before he knew what he was doing he had reached out and now clung to Renji like a child in need of comfort, hung on as if his life depended on it.

And Renji held him, arms wrapped around his trembling back, nose buried in unruly orange locks. He sighed again. "I'm sorry I made you go through this. Could've chosen a less bumpy road, at least."

Ichigo tried a chuckle, but out came a strangled sob. "I'm supposed to be stronger than this." He paused, grasped for words and the courage to utter them. "I've been close to death way too many times. I've _died_, Renji! I've fought…" Ichigo's voice cracked. "I've fought so many enemies."

It was as if he was unable to stop once he'd started, the words tumbled from his mouth.

"I've saved my friends more times than I can remember. I've fought in a fucking war. I almost killed you. Hell, you almost killed me. I've a hollow in my head! I-" Tears stung his eyes and he blinked. "And I break down over _this_."

"'S what happens when you bury things. In the end they always come back to bite you in the ass."

"It hurts."

"Well, duh."

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, Renji's hand moving in gentle circles over the boy's back.

"Fuck." Ichigo rubbed his eyes furiously with the heel of his hand. "You shouldn't have to see me like this. No one should. I made a promise to myself a long time ago."

"What was the promise?" Renji still held him tight.

"Never mind. It'll sound stupid."

"C'mon, tell me."

Ichigo let out a shaky sigh. "That I wouldn't be a burden. To my family, to anyone. Ever."

"You're an idiot." Renji's voice was soft. "Listen, I don't want to rub my experience in your face, Ichigo, but I've lived for a long time now and I like to believe I've picked up a thing or two along the way. One thing I learned early, when I was still a little street rat, is that you have to depend on people. You have to have someone who's got your back, and you have to believe that they do. Not just in battle. _Always_. There's no way you can go through life without being a burden to someone, if that's what you wanna call it."

Ichigo leaned back a little and looked up at Renji, feeling him loosen his grip but not let go. "You know, I think that is the longest I've ever heard you talk in one go." He smiled. It was faint and crooked, but it was a smile.

"I think my big speech after you nearly killed me in Seireitei was longer." Renji returned the smile. "When I begged you to save Rukia. That was when I started to depend on you, by the way." He released his hold and gripped Ichigo's shoulders, pushing him back until he could look him straight in the eye. "You can't carry the world on your shoulders, Ichigo. It's just too damn heavy."

Ichigo gave him a curious look. "When the hell did you become so wise, Renji?"

The shinigami snorted. "Maybe I'm just good at playing dumb." He raised a brow and flashed that old familiar wolf grin, the one Ichigo couldn't help but to return.

They stayed like that for a while, looking at each other.

"Renji…"

"Yeah, I know. Enough talk." Renji let his hands slide up to cup Ichigo's cheeks and pulled him close, pressing their lips together. Just like that. As if it was the most natural thing in the world.

And maybe it was. Ichigo didn't protest, didn't panic. Instead he found himself kissing back.

It was short. Sweet. There was a hint of tongue, a sigh, half a moan and young fingertips running over a tattooed neck. Then it was over.

Renji pulled back, eyes travelling over Ichigo's face, over reddened lips, over pink blotches staining smooth cheeks, before they came to a stop when they met brandy coloured ones looking back, soft with emotion, red-rimmed from earlier tears. "You ok?"

"That was… nice." Ichigo couldn't smile, could hardly think, but he could offer some kind of reassurance, let Renji know he was ok.

"Yeah." The big redhead placed a kiss on the tip of Ichigo's nose. "It was."

As Ichigo's head slowly cleared he found himself thinking it was almost funny how easily he had cracked in the end. It felt like that _something_ in his chest had broken for good.

Another feeling made itself known, throbbing in his stomach and spreading through his body like wildfire. It called out. It growled, loud enough for them both to hear.

"Wanna get some lunch?" Ichigo smiled sheepishly.

"Oh god yes. My stomach's been grumbling for hours. They really hate feeding me at Urahara's."

Ichigo chuckled, then paused for a moment. He sucked in his bottom lip and bit down gently, before wrapping his arms around Renji's neck, hugging him tight.

Renji stiffened for a second before relaxing into the hug, answering it. "What's this, now?" His voice was a low rumble against Ichigo's neck.

"I dunno. I don't get to hug a lot of people. It's never been… my thing, you know? But I really think I like it." Ichigo mumbled back. "And I guess I wanna say thanks. For this. For showing me that damn webpage and not making fun of me. For putting up with my shit. For, ah… For kissing me."

"Any time, kid."

----

A minute later they untangled themselves from each other with the least possible amount of awkwardness, but still… It was pretty damn awkward.

Ichigo had thrown a fit, suffered a complete breakdown ending with him more or less coming out and gotten his first kiss, by his friend no less.

Renji on the other hand had severely surpassed his wisdom quota, and was now feeling shame gnawing at the corners of his mind. He had just stolen a seventeen-year olds first kiss after all.

But it was all good.

Ichigo felt lighter somehow as he got up, awkwardness aside, and he wiped his eyes dry with the hem of his t-shirt before flopping down on the chair by his desk. "I feel like pizza. You ok with that?"

"I'll go for anything as long as it's food. Where's your family by the way?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Off to some fair. My old man left some money for food, said they'd be home late."

"Huh… Home late, eh?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I might be able to avoid that damn idiot of a shopkeeper and his sideshow freaks for another couple of hours." Renji shuddered visibly. "What did you think I meant?"

Ichigo put on his best I-knew-that face and reached up to scratch an arm. "Never mind." He glanced down at Renji who was still sitting on the floor.

The shinigami had his impossibly red hair in its usual spiky ponytail, kept in check with a white bandana, and wore plain, good looking clothes for once. Just a simple long-sleeved shirt and a couple of straight-legged jeans. Nothing fancy, but it was miles away from the usual fashion disaster.

Ichigo wondered idly if Renji had finally started picking the clothes out himself or just managed to find someone else than Rukia as his advisor. Then he realised that he was staring at his friend, looking at him in a way he couldn't recall having ever done before. Admiring his looks. Checking out his outfit.

_Since when do I__ check out people's outfits?_

Still… Renji looked good. Damn good, and Ichigo found himself wanting to be back in his arms. It was a very novel sensation.

It was then he realised Renji was looking back at him.

The redhead smiled at him but didn't say anything.

Ichigo smiled back, somewhat nervously, and got to his feet while clearing his throat. "Pizza! I'll go downstairs and order." He turned and left before Renji had a chance to reply.

The time it took for the pizza to arrive felt like one of the longest waits Ichigo had ever experienced. Renji had joined him downstairs and they were sitting at the kitchen table. It wasn't that Ichigo disapproved of the company, not at all. It was just that he didn't know what to do with it.

"Oi, are you ok?" Renji was watching him with something like an amused frown on his face.

"Huh? Sure. Just fine. It's just… This feels kinda weird." Ichigo scrunched his nose. "Not bad weird, just weird."

"I could punch you in the face if you want. That'll bring things back to normal."

"Fuck off."

"See? Already better." Renji grinned and leaned forward across the table, putting his hand over Ichigo's bandaged one. "Listen… What just went down upstairs is a big deal… A huge deal. I don't want to belittle it, but things don't have to change more than we want them to. I'm still Renji and you're still an idiot. An idiot I want to kiss, sure, but most of all an idiot who is a friend and a colleague."

Ichigo marvelled over the fact that Renji's hand completely covered his own. He had never compared the sizes before. He wondered how those hands would feel on his skin. "Your hand's big."

The shinigami groaned. "I really fried your brain with that kiss, didn't I?"

"Huh?"

Renji pulled his hand away and whacked the teen on the head.

The doorbell rang.

"Pizza!"

Half an hour later they were leaning back in their chairs, groaning with satisfaction and Ichigo found himself able to think again. It sort of freaked him out that he wasn't freaking out anymore. He felt that he should have a bigger problem with what was happening. He wished he _knew_ what was happening. A wet sound disturbed his thoughts.

The redhead lazily licked grease and tomato sauce from his fingers and Ichigo couldn't help but to stare, cursing himself for doing so.

Renji paused with a fingertip lodged between his lips and caught his friend's eye. He let the digit slip out with a small 'pop' and leered at him. "Like what you see?"

The teen huffed and looked to the side, feeling that all-too-familiar blush starting to bloom on his cheeks for what felt like the hundredth time that day. "Fuck you."

Renji smirked and continued cleaning himself up.

Somehow it didn't really feel weird anymore.

Just different.

----

"_Walls are all thin and brittle again, cupcake_."

"_Since when do you call me_ cupcake??"

"_Since now, I suppose. You know, I was thinking of breaking 'em down and kick you outta the saddle, just so I could thank that fucking freak shinigami staring atcha. I assume you wouldn't appreciate that so just relay the message for me, will ya_?"

"_I don't understand_-"

"_Fuck knows how many years of pent up need for cock. One year of being locked up and having it shoved down my fucking throat without being able to feed on it, to burn it. It tastes like shit_."

"_I_-"

"_Shut up. All I have to say is that I was able to taste lovely, sweet_ nothing _today and it's all thanks to him. And just so you know, I'll kill us both if you start bottling this shit up again, I swear. __Alright_?"

"_I_-"

"_Great. Give him a nice big smooch from me. I'll just see myself out or whatever. __See ya_, cupcake."

----

A/n - LOOK A KISS and death by drowning in a sea of angst and fluff.

It was mad scary writing this. I'm really, really not a writer. I lost steam half-way through and cheated my way out of it with humour.

I've my doubts over the quality, especially since I managed to find an _excellent_ fic while writing, that was saying pretty much everything I wanted to say.

Thank you guys so much for the support and comments. It makes me all fuzzy and it's so good to know my English is ok.

The next chapter is smutty, for those who are curious. :)

Comments are appreciated and welcome.


	4. The hold

Aight, time for Renji to butt in with his side of the story.

Rated M for sexual content and language. Yaoi. First smut ever. Be gentle with me.

Story is unbeta:ed and author is Swedish.

Bleach does not belong to me and that's all good and well.

----

It had held true. For two weeks, so far.

Just like Ichigo had thought, things hadn't really been weird since that Sunday. Just different.

Sure, Ichigo had sat touching his lips a lot when he was alone and sure, a myriad of butterflies had taken up residence in his stomach but it didn't really matter. Something had fallen into place and somehow clicked. He now knew another side of himself and he had vowed to himself to accept it.

Ichigo was good at holding his promises, be it to himself or others.

He and Renji had met up almost every night since then. They had spent their evenings on rooftops in shinigami form, half an eye on the Soul Society communicator, the rest of their attention on each other.

They mostly talked. Ichigo had taken to leaning against Renji as they did, accepting the arm around his shoulder and the occasional nose buried in his hair.

They kissed. It was always slow and gentle, never pushing Ichigo in any direction.

They sometimes held hands. Under the table as they sat in Urahara's kitchen drinking tea. In the healing spring after having beaten the shit out of each other on the training grounds below Urahara's shop. On the rooftops where they talked and kissed.

Ichigo felt as if he was being courted. The brash and hot-headed shinigami was a wonder of gentleness and patience. In a way that freaked Ichigo out more than anything else. Sure they threw insults and punches at each other, sure they still bickered like an old married couple over _everything_, but the line between the two realities, if you will, had been drawn.

----

Renji wouldn't dream of mocking Ichigo for what had happened or what he felt or what he was now going through.

Contrary to common belief he had a knack for these things. He read situations as if they were open books and acted thereafter. For him it was instinct. He could make a decision in a split second and then keep to it. He always, _always_ trusted his gut, even though he didn't always act on what it told him.

Now it told him Ichigo was weak. He knew how much the boy hated being weak and he would do anything to not make it worse.

It told him what he felt and what he felt from Ichigo as he held him was right.

It told him to take things slow.

People had a tendency to see Abarai Renji as a very impatient man. Nothing could be further from the truth. No Soul Society captain, especially not Kuchiki Byakuya, would give him a high seat if he couldn't hold back when it was needed. That he had been made lieutenant under what was probably the strictest of the thirteen captains spoke for itself.

No, he wasn't nearly as hot-headed as people liked to believe he was. (He sometimes wondered if his hair colour had anything to do with it.)

In fact, Renji had the patience of a saint when he wanted to. He just didn't want to very often.

Now when he found himself with the trust of a seventeen year old severely confused boy placed in his hands, he'd be damned if he rushed anything. He would rather bite his tongue off than betray what had been handed to him.

He'd wait for Ichigo to come to him.

----

It was a Saturday this time. Ichigo's family had once again left him home alone, the sisters dragged off kicking and screaming to some resort where they would spend the night.

It was early afternoon and Ichigo sat with his nose buried in school books, glasses barely staying on, hanging on the very tip of his nose. He had read the same page six times now and was on the verge of giving up when there was a knock on the window.

The butterflies woke up.

He slammed the book shut and tore the glasses off, stalking over to the window with a grin on his face. A grin he was careful to hide behind a sullen scowl before he pushed the window open.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Can I come in?" The redheaded shinigami tilted his head to the side and flashed a grin.

"Why on earth do you come through the window when you're in your gigai, Renji?"

Renji shrugged before pushing past Ichigo and jumping down on the bed below the window. "Practise."

"And why the fuck are you stepping on my bed with dirty shoes still on?!"

"'Cause I'm a poor little street rat without manners." He gave Ichigo a look of 'duh' and proceeded to kick his shoes off, picking them up and placing them neatly by the door. He turned around and faced his friend. "So, what's up? Am I interrupting anything? Not that I care, but ya know… Common courtesy."

Ichigo bristled. "You just said you have no manners! Shut up about courtesy already." He sighed and crossed the room, stepped right into Renji's arms and hugged him. "I was studying. I swear you've a sixth sense for when I do. You always bother me."

Renji looked down at the slighter man and smiled. He wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in wild orange hair. "Hey… Feeling cuddly today are we?"

Ichigo buried his face in the crook of Renji's neck. "Shut up."

Cuddly wasn't the word Ichigo would have chosen. Tingly, maybe. Agitated. Excited. _Horny as fuck_ was probably closest to the truth.

It had buzzed in the back of his mind since he woke up that morning but now with Renji in his room, in his arms, it had set him on fire. By hugging the taller man tight he hoped to hide his flushed face.

Homework wasn't the only thing Renji seemed to have a sixth sense for though. He gently pushed Ichigo back a bit and studied his face. "Maybe 'cuddly' was the wrong word," he murmured. He slid his hands up, digging blunt fingertips into Ichigo's scalp, rubbing gently.

Ichigo couldn't hold back the groan rising in his throat and leaned into those skilled hands without hesitation.

Renji used his nails, scratched the scalp and raked his finger through the unruly hair. He leaned down and whispered in Ichigo's ear. "How _are_ we feeling today?"

The boy shuddered at the sudden onslaught of hot breath against the sensitive skin. "Uncomfortable."

"Well, excuse me for sounding cheesy, but is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable?"

Ichigo answered by grabbing Renji's collar and pulling him down into a kiss. He heard the redhead draw a deep breath through his nose and felt the grip tighten in his hair.

Renji broke off the kiss after a little while and looked down at Ichigo, his eyes darker than usual. "I'm not sure about what's going on, but I ain't gonna complain. You tired of going slow all of a sudden?"

"It's not like we ever decided to go slow. Or fast. We didn't decide anything." Ichigo sounded more sullen than he felt and tried to smile. The problem was his blood. It was coursing through his veins fast enough to roar in his ears. The problem was his mouth. It had gone dry and wanted another tongue to help it moisten up again. The problem was his hands. They were _itching_.

"C'mon, let's sit down."

They sat down next to each other on Ichigo's bed, hands in their laps.

"I want… more." It sounded completely retarded in Ichigo's ears and he winced inwards. "I mean-"

"I think I get it. Listen, Ichigo." Renji turned to him, grabbed one of his hands. "I've kept this slow. I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want to force you. I know it's pretty arrogant, I mean, you're able to make up your own mind about stuff, but it felt right. And you haven't been complaining." He smiled. "With that said, I'm ready when you are."

"So, what, you've been holding back with me when you didn't really want to?"

"I wouldn't put it like that. It hasn't been a big deal. It's been… really nice, just hanging out. We're still friends, remember?"

Ichigo grumbled in agreement.

"Have _you_ been holding back with me?"

"No… It's been a couple of times when I've felt like… I dunno. Like you've kept a distance when maybe neither of us wanted that. Ah, I feel stupid talking about this."

"Maybe it doesn't really matter."

"Maybe…"

They sat in silence for a long while.

Finally Renji stretched and leaned in a little closer. "Tell me what you want, Ichigo."

"I want… I just want to know. I-" Ichigo bit his lip and pulled his hand back. "Shit."

"You wanna ask stuff."

"Yeah."

"And you can't because...?"

"Because it freaks me out."

"You think it'd be easier if you didn't have to look at me?"

Ichigo looked up, met crimson eyes, and they were warm. No mocking, no questioning. A lot of curiosity. A lot of heat. A heat that made Ichigo uncomfortable in a very peculiar way. He swallowed. "It's worth a try, I guess."

"How about you lean against my chest?"

Ichigo shivered. "Yeah," he said and his voice was suddenly thick. "And no holding back. But just… talk."

"Deal."

----

Renji settled on the bed and leaned against the wall. He pulled Ichigo back so that he rested on his chest, between his spread legs. "Comfortable?" A low murmur in Ichigo's ear.

The boy forced down a shiver as hot air tickled the sensitive skin. "Yeah."

"So, what do you want to know?"

Ichigo could hear the smile in Renji's voice. "I- I'm not sure. I wanna know what it's like but that must be hard to say, you know, with just words."

"I can show you sometime."

Ichigo had never really thought of how sultry Renji's voice could be when it was deep and relaxed. Maybe it had to do with the fact it was so close to his ear. "I think I'd like that."

"I think you'd love that."

"Tell me, Renji…"

"Tell you what?"

Ichigo swallowed. "Tell me what you'd do to me."

Renji sighed softly, slowly reaching around Ichigo and clasping his hands on top of his chest. He dipped his head and kissed Ichigo's shoulder. "There are so many things I could do, baby."

Ichigo shot a glance back at the man holding him. "Baby?"

"You don't like it?" Renji rubbed his forehead against Ichigo's cheek.

Ichigo frowned but then shrugged. "It's ok."

"Alright then, baby." The redhead grinned.

"Um… Renji?"

"Hm?"

"I…" Ichigo frowned, bit his lip, made as if to speak up again but then snapped his mouth shut.

"Hey… What is it?"

"Kiss me?"

Renji shifted behind Ichigo and craned his neck, brushing the boy's lips with his own.

The angle of the kiss made it awkward and sloppy. Their lips missed and slid across each other's cheeks, their teeth crashed together when they tried again. The third time they let their mouths stay separated and reached out with only their tongues, making the tips touch, tease. It felt vaguely obscene to Ichigo, dirty somehow, and he found himself raising his hips off the mattress, tensing the muscles in his thighs, in his ass.

Renji pulled back, breathing heavily. "Fuck… You're getting all hot aren't you?" He let the hands resting on Ichigo's chest slide down, flattening them over his hip bones.

Ichigo felt his hips raise again, a jolt going through him as Renji's hands pushed back, kept him pinned down.

"Ah, Renji!"

The redhead let out a dark chuckle and leaned his head back against the wall. His grip tightened on Ichigo's hips. "You know, I think I could get used to hearing you say my name like that." He raised his own hips slightly, knowing fully well Ichigo would feel the hardness of his cock against the small of his back, and smirked as he heard the boy gasp. "Feel that?" He pushed up again.

"Yeah…" Ichigo's voice was breathless, almost inaudible.

"That's what you're doing to me right now. Just hearing you breathe, feeling you move your hips makes me hard." Renji started rubbing his hands over Ichigo's hips, feeling the thick seams and tiny metal rivets of the jeans against his palms. "I need you to talk to me now, Ichigo, I need to know you're ok with this." His voice was thick and strained. "We've already moved beyond what we agreed on earlier, you know?" _Took us less than five minutes, too_.

Ichigo sounded as if he fought for every breath. He put his hands over Renji's, squeezed them. "I'm ok. I- I don't know how far I'm ready to go but this is ok. Are you…?"

"Ok? Yeah. Like I said, ready when you are."

"Alright."

Renji turned his hands so the palms faced upwards, splayed his fingers and slid them between Ichigo's. "Just keep talking to me, ok? Let me know if it's too much." He felt Ichigo nod. "How about you tell me what you want me to do to you instead… Tell me what you were thinking about that night when we found the story, after I left. Tell me what I was doing in your fantasy."

The boy shifted in Renji's arms and took a deep breath. "It's kinda embarrassing. I mean, that's personal, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. I'd like to hear it, though. It would give me an idea of what you want, but you don't have to, of course."

Ichigo let his fingers curl, grabbing Renji's hands. "It's… You know that story we read?" He paused but continued before Renji answered. "That, kinda."

"With the strawberry lube and handcuffs and everything?" Renji chuckled softly.

"Not really. It, ah… This is so fucking embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed. I'm not."

"You were… pushing me down onto my bed, this bed." A blush crept up Ichigo's neck, turned the tip of his ears the colour of blood. It was about the cutest thing Renji had ever seen. "We made out and you took my clothes off and then you f- f-fu-…"

Renji fought his own hips, willing himself not to grind against the warm body so close to his. He couldn't believe what a turn on it was to hear the kid in his arms stutter on that word, especially since he knew how easily it spilled from his lips otherwise. "C'mon, say it. I wanna hear you say it."

"You f-fucked me."

Renji moaned quietly. "Fuck… Go on…"

"I was on my back with you- ah!"

Renji's hands had slipped from Ichigo's and now rubbed over his lower belly, down over his hips again, then back up, making meaningless little figure-eights that gave Ichigo goose bumps.

"With you kneeling b-between my legs."

Renji growled, rubbed harder. "Did I go soft and slow? Hard? Fast?"

"Hard. Really… hard."

The redhead couldn't help himself. His hands clamped down again and kept Ichigo steady as he ground himself against his back. "Is that how you want me, Ichigo? Want me to fuck you hard?"

Ichigo sounded as if he was about to cry. "Yes…"

"Well, shit…" For being a man who took pride in his sexual stamina, Renji was dangerously close to coming in his pants and it irked him to no end. He tried to take his mind off things by letting his hands wander again. This time they slipped in under Ichigo's t-shirt, rough fingers trailing slowly over a flat stomach. Renji marvelled over how lean Ichigo had become. Not skinny, but the grooves and plains of muscles had become less defined and his chest was smoother now than it had been a year ago.

Things had really slowed down once the war had been over. The hollows were now few and far between and those that appeared were no match to the battle-hardened shinigami, merely a nuisance. Karakura town was in a state of peace and the lack of fighting showed itself on Ichigo's body.

Renji loved it. He ran his hands up and down that flat plain over and over, enjoying every little hitch in Ichigo's breaths as he did. "You're getting skinny, Ichigo," he murmured teasingly.

"'M not…"

"Sure you are. I think I'll have to make you dinner later."

"Renji, why do you change the subject?"

"Ah, sorry. I needed to slow down a little, should've said so." He dipped down and nipped at the spot where Ichigo's jaw met the earlobe. "We're going way too fast, Ichigo."

"Yeah, well, I've a lot of catching up to do…"

Renji chuckled softly. "Looks like you're catching up pretty fast too. I always thought you were a little slow, but you have good instincts, I'll give you that. " He straightened up a little, slid his hands to Ichigo's waist and held them there. "You know… I have to admit you surprise me. That Sunday a couple of weeks ago was… Well, you freaked out pretty bad." He felt Ichigo stiffen slightly in his arms. "But now, now you're wide open. Your reactions when I touch you… You melt into my hands. You just set your mind on something and then follow through no matter what, don't you." Renji paused, wondering if he made Ichigo too uncomfortable. "Like a rabid pit bull," he added with a grin.

Ichigo snorted. "Do you even have pit bulls in Soul Society?" He relaxed against Renji again, the annoyance in his voice a tell-tale sign he was actually amused.

"Well, no, but we have television at Urahara's. Those are some badass dogs, aren't they? Jaws like vices…" The soft skin under his hands sang a siren song Renji responded to without thinking. Fingers wandered and soon brushed lightly over small nipples. He didn't even realise they had until he felt the buds stiffen under his thumb-pads, until he heard Ichigo suck in air between his teeth as if in pain. _Damnit._ A minute ago he'd decided to slow down, and now, well…

_Damn it all to hell._

Renji closed his eyes and buried his nose in Ichigo's hair, inhaling the faint scent of shampoo. His fingers closed over Ichigo's nipples, rolling them gently between thumb and forefinger. "Like that?"

A whimper was the only reply he got.

"I'll take that as a yes." He applied a little more pressure, pinched the sensitive nubs and drank in the sounds the boy in his arms made. It made his blood sing. During the little detour he'd manage to get his bearings right, rein his urges in a little. He knew this wasn't about him. It was about Ichigo, all about Ichigo, and Ichigo was between his legs, arching his long back and making little desperate noises in the back of his throat.

"Renji…"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me… what you want to do to me. Please."

"Anything you want me to, baby."

"No, come on. Tell me. _Please_."

_He's begging me_… "Alright." He stretched a little and let his chin rest on Ichigo's shoulder, making sure his lips were almost touching his ear. "I want to do exactly what I'm doing right now." He tweaked Ichigo's nipples a little harder, feeling his body jolt. "But I think I'd pull your shirt off first. I would wanna see ya."

Ichigo tore away from Renji and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt. His hands shook. He struggled as it bunched around his neck but managed to get it off with a little help. The shirt was flung to the side, landing on the floor in a heap. "Like this?" He made as if to turn around.

Renji grabbed Ichigo's shoulders and kept him with his back turned to him. "Just like that, but I want you to lean against my chest, alright?"

"Ok, but you take your shirt off too." There was an almost childish stubbornness in the teen's voice.

Renji reached out and slid a finger from the nape of Ichigo's neck all the way down his spine, just to watch him shiver. It gave him a slight sadistic pleasure when the shiver was accompanied by a quiet whimper. "Sure." He unbuttoned his shirt, noting with amusement that his hands were shaking too, then slipped it off his shoulders and added it to the pile on the floor.

Ichigo turned his head, watching Renji over his shoulder. His gaze was clouded with lust, a fire burned beneath, hot enough to make Renji wince. He'd honestly never thought Ichigo could look this seductive.

_Look at you… You look like sex. You look like you want nothing more than to be pushed down on your stomach and mounted like a fucking bitch. What a glorious creature you are, Kurosaki Ichigo_. "C'mon. Get back here." Renji managed a smile and patted his chest.

Ichigo kept looking at him, his mouth slightly open, eyes half-closed and half-wild.

_You really want it, don't you? You need to stop looking at me like that… I can't-_

"Fuck." With a grunt Renji lunged forward, wrapping his arms tight around Ichigo's torso and biting down hard on his shoulder at the same time. The sharp yelp he was rewarded with made his cock twitch. He growled, muttered against Ichigo's skin. "Do you have _any_ idea of how tempting it is for me to fuck you right now?"

"Renji, fuck!" Ichigo rocked in his arms, as if trying to pull away and push closer into the bite at the same time. "Do it. F-fuck me."

The redhead snarled and bucked against the teen's body once, twice, before letting up his grip. He released the flesh between his teeth and lapped at the bite mark, slightly relieved when there wasn't a taste of copper on his tongue. "No." His voice was hoarse, strained. "Not today." He leaned back against the wall again with a thud, pulling Ichigo with him. "I'm sorry."

They stayed like that for a while, panting like race horses, feeling each other's hearts thud in their chests.

Finally Renji sighed. He kissed the angry red bite mark on Ichigo's shoulder, rubbed soothing circles over his chest. "So much for my self control." He tilted his head back and chuckled. "Damn."

Ichigo scooted up a little, pushed himself flush against his friend's chest. "Will you touch me again, Renji? We don't have to… you know."

Renji bit back a groan. "How do you want me to touch you, baby?"

Instead of replying Ichigo grabbed Renji's hands and slid them up to his pecs.

"Like that, huh? Just like I did before I jumped you?" Renji let his thumbs rub over Ichigo's nipples, flicking them softly.

"Harder."

"You little beast…" He pinched the nubs, tugging lightly.

"Harder, Renji."

"Hah. Like this?"

Ichigo cried out and arched his back as blunt fingernails dug into his nipples hard enough to hurt. "Fuck!"

"Harder?" Renji purred.

Ichigo managed a sound of consent between laboured breaths.

"You know, somehow it doesn't surprise me that you enjoy a little pain." He let out a short throaty laugh as he twisted the hard little nubs roughly, pinched them flat between his fingers. "Guess I've heard you grunt one too many times when we've sparred… What else do you want me to do, Ichigo?"

"Ahh, I want you to touch me."

"I am touching you."

"I want you to… _touch_ me." Ichigo grabbed Renji's wrist, hissing as fingers slipped from the abused flesh. He pulled the hand down until it rested far down on his belly, inches from the bulge in his jeans

It was unbelievably hot and somehow adorable at the same time how Ichigo was excited and gutsy enough to take the lead, but still shy enough to not take it all the way. If it had been Renji, he probably would've pulled his pants down with one hand while pushing Ichigo's hand down straight on top of his dick with the other. Now he was forced to travel the last couple of inches alone as Ichigo had let go and was simply resting his hands on the bed beneath them.

It was a good thing though. It was glaringly obvious he needed all the reminders he could get of how young the slender male before him actually was. He kept getting ahead of himself, kept losing focus.

Renji released Ichigo's other nipple, stroking it gently with a fingertip. "Ah, _touch_ you… You want me to wrap my hand around your cock and make you come, Ichigo?"

Ichigo gasped at the words and lifted his hips. "Yeah."

"C'mon… I wanna hear you say it."

The teen growled. "Renji…"

"Say it."

"I… want you to make me come."

"I'll make you come so hard you'll se stars."

"Oh, god…"

Renji slid his hand down those last couple of inches and cupped Ichigo's cock through the denim. "Fuck yes." He squeezed lightly. "All nice and hard for me..." He nipped at Ichigo's naked shoulder. "Let's get these pants off, baby." He popped the first button in the fly open without waiting for response. When he heard Ichigo grunt he started working on the others. His cock twitched with every little 'pop' as the fly slowly came open. "Lift your butt."

Ichigo complied without question and Renji peeled the jeans down to the top of his thighs where they stuck. "You know, I've never understood how you can stand wearing pants this tight. Not that I'm complaining, they do amazing things to your ass, but still. Isn't it uncomfortable?"

"Stop talking, Renji."

The redhead chuckled as he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of Ichigo's boxers and slid them down as well. His smile faded when he peered down at the body displayed beneath him. "Shit, look at you…"

Ichigo's smooth chest was covered in a light sheen of sweat. It glistened when it caught the reflection of the light as it rose and fell. His cock was thick and heavy with blood, hard enough to strain against his belly. Renji could see it bob the tiniest bit with every heartbeat.

_Now, you big dumbass, you're gonna sit put and get this kid off in the sweetest way possible. You're gonna behave. You're not gonna flip him and let him fuck your face. You're not gonna stick your f__ingers up- aw, fuck! FOCUS! _

The redhead whined. It was too much. As he slowly wrapped his hand around Ichigo he put all his remaining focus on not biting his own lip off. Still he could taste blood as he squeezed lightly while moving his hand up, a bead string of precome dribbling over the head and down his knuckles.

The pair moaned in unison.

"How do you want it?"

"I don't know… Just fuckin' move."

Renji complied and started pumping slowly, unable to look away from what he was doing.

Ichigo raised his arms and grabbed at Renji, feverish fingers digging into his pony tail, clawing at his neck. "Fuck yes, fuck Renji, _fuck_! Oh god..." He squirmed, worked his hips against Renji's hand, thrusting into his fist.

"Easy." The redhead steadied Ichigo's hip with a big hand. "Don't want it to be over before we've even begun."

"I can't, I _can't_. Please, Renji, I have to- _Please_… Faster."

"Shit." Renji drew shaky breaths through his nose. He kept the teen's hip pinned down and released his cock to a wail of disappointment, ignoring the loud protest as he held his hand up in front of Ichigo's mouth. "Spit."

"What? Why? I-" Ichigo sounded more than a little confused.

"I said spit." He felt the boy hesitate and growled. "Alright, stick your tongue out." He rubbed his fingers over Ichigo's mouth, coaxing it open. "C'mon…" Something in his voice allowed no room for questioning.

Ichigo obeyed and reached out with his tongue. A drop of saliva made its way down his chin as Renji dragged his palm over the offered tongue. He whimpered.

"Wasn't so hard now, was it," Renji gruffed, his slick fingers once more wrapping themselves around the teen's cock. He worked up a quick, rough pace, his hand sliding effortlessly up and down the shaft. "How's that, baby? Like it?"

Ichigo was reduced to a quivering mass of moans and whimpers and thrusts in a rhythm so broken it could hardly be called a rhythm at all, it was more like a seizure. "Ah-ahh! ngh… fu-fuck Renji!" He dug his fingers into Renji's scalp and clawed, causing the bandana wrapped around the shinigami's head to slide down and cover his eyes.

"Heh, fuck Ichigo, you little wildcat… I'd love to get kinky with ya sometime but I really don't want to be blindfolded right now." He reached up with his free hand and tugged it down, letting it rest around his neck. Acting on an impulse he then slid his fingers down Ichigo's face, over his mouth. He prodded gently and sucked in a breath as the lips parted readily and that shy little tongue peeked out without needing to be persuaded this time. "Fuck yes." Still pumping Ichigo's cock without missing a beat, he slid two fingers into the wet mouth right up to the second knuckle. "Just like that… C'mon Ichigo, suck me off while you come for me."

The sounds Ichigo made amazed Renji. Not that he really had time to fully appreciate them, it was more than a handful to keep up with the bucking boy in his arms, but there were so many different whimpers and wails, moans and grunts. He would never have believed the human would be so vocal and thanked his lucky star. Few things turned him on more than noisy fucking. The fact all those noises were muffled by his fingers made it all even better. "Fuck… That's it. Keep doing that," he murmured against Ichigo's neck. "I wish you could see yourself right now..."

"Renji… _Renji_!" Ichigo might as well have been close to dying as close to coming, from the sound of it. The fingers in his mouth made his final cries sound somewhat comical but neither of them noticed. All Renji could feel was a hot wet mouth working around his fingers and all Ichigo could feel was a hot slick hand working up and down his cock.

With one last shout Ichigo arched his back so hard only his feet remained on the bed. He hung on to Renji for dear life and convulsed over and over, spilling his seed over his own stomach and chest.

Renji had slipped his fingers out and was making wet trails all over Ichigo's neck and shoulder, stroking, scratching, petting as the boy came. "Fuck, Ichi, that's it… That's it… Come for me." He worked his hand on Ichigo's cock all the way through his orgasm, stopping only when the teen went limp in his arms. With a final gentle squeeze he forced a few last drops out and then relaxed his hand.

Ichigo's breathing was heavy and ragged. Little tremors still shook his body. "Shit." His arms fell from Renji's neck and hung limp by his sides.

The shinigami was practically purring. "Good?" He smiled and nuzzled his lover's sweat dampened hair.

"Shit."

"I'll ask again when your brain starts working."

It was then Ichigo surprised the hell out of Renji by grabbing his wrist, bringing the sticky fingers to his mouth and starting to lick them.

The larger man was stunned, opening and closing his mouth over and over but unable to find words or even his voice.

"I- When I thought of you that night I told you about, I tasted myself afterwards. Just a little, but it wasn't that bad. A-and it seemed fitting right now."

Renji craned his neck and watched in stunned fascination as Ichigo cleaned his fingers up. As if wanting to see if it was some kind of trick he reached down and scooped some more of the thick milky fluid up, bringing it back to the boy's lips.

This time Ichigo simply sucked the fingers into his mouth and kept sucking softly until they were clean.

"Goddamn. Damn, Ichigo, _damn_!" Renji felt something snap in the back of his head and pushed Ichigo forward, grabbing his shoulders and flipping him over before he hit the bed.

Ichigo landed on his back, pants trapping his legs, and stared up at Renji with hazy eyes. "Ah, Ren-"

"Shut up." Renji was over him in a heartbeat, running his tongue from the first speck of come staining the chest right above the sternum and down to Ichigo's half-hard cock, careful to collect every last drop. He finished the move by gently licking the shaft clean.

"Fuck… Oh, fuck."

"I thought I told you to shut up." The redhead crawled up until he was face to face with Ichigo and then pressed their lips together in a fierce kiss, demanding immediate entrance with a come coated tongue.

The kiss was brutal and searing at first, then slowly transformed into something slower and deeper. When they finally broke away from each other both men were flushed and panting heavily.

"Damn, Ichigo." Renji's voice was almost a sob.

Ichigo smiled up at him. "I think I'm kinda starting to like the taste."

Renji rolled off him and lay on his back, trying to catch his breath. He gave a short laugh. "Yeah, tastes like st-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll kill you, I swear."

Renji laughed again.

"I'm serious."

"I know. 'S why I'm laughing." He turned to face Ichigo, propping himself up on an elbow. "Listen, are you sure you're the same Ichigo who tried to punch me two weeks ago?"

Ichigo's usual scowl deepened a little. "I've thought a lot about it and you were right, this feels right. I can't lie to myself like that. Besides, like I said earlier – I've a lot of catching up to do."

"Heh, well at least that's the Ichigo I know, stubborn as a damn ox once he sets his mind on something." Renji reached down and adjusted himself before sitting up and removing the bandana around his neck and the hair tie that now held at most half of the crimson locks. He held the tie between his teeth and quickly started gaining the hair back in its usual ponytail.

Ichigo stayed on his back, looking up with mild fascination. Then something dawned on him. "You still haven't…"

Renji finished the ponytail but didn't bother with the bandana. He smoothed his hand over the heavily tattooed forehead, and then wiped the sweat off on his pants. "Don't worry about it."

"But-"

"I said don't worry about it." Renji met Ichigo's gaze and smiled. "I'm perfectly satisfied with having seen you like that and knowing I'm the one to blame for it." The smile widened into a grin.

Ichigo blushed and looked away.

"Besides, there'll be other times." He paused. "… I hope, at least."

"I hope so, too."

Renji's face lit up "We're all good then. Listen, I was wondering…"

"Yeah?"

"Since your family won't be home until tomorrow… Do you mind if I stay over?"

Now it was time for Ichigo's face to light up. "I'd like that."

"I was gonna bribe you with offering to cook dinner and everything, but since that won't be necess-"

"That's my one condition!"

Renji got on all fours and straddled Ichigo's still naked hips, his hands resting on Ichigo's shoulders. "And if I don't? You'll throw me out?" He grinned wolfishly, relishing the tiny twitch of worry he saw ghosting across Ichigo's features.'

"Yeah, I'll throw you out."

"You've always been an awful liar, baby." Renji leaned down and buried his teeth in Ichigo's shoulder.

"Ow! _Shit_!"

Renji let go and kissed the abused skin, a small sense of territorial pride blossoming in his stomach. He knew that would leave a mark. On Ichigo's human body no less. "Not as much fun when you're not all hot and hard, huh? That's what you get for lying." He laughed as Ichigo smacked him on the back of the head once, and then ignored it completely the second time. Instead he pushed Ichigo deeper into the mattress and kissed him.

Ichigo was still an inexperienced kisser. He used a little too much tongue and not enough teeth, in Renji's opinion, but as with everything else he was bound to be a fast learner.

When he sighed into Renji's mouth Renji finally knew he was a goner. Budding love or simple lust, it didn't matter, he couldn't care less. All he knew was that Ichigo's mouth, sounds, smell, hell - _everything_ were intoxicating and that he probably would come back for more as long as the boy let him. He masked the huge grin spreading over his face by capturing Ichigo's bottom lip between his teeth and sucking on it.

He sent a silent thanks to the damn webpage that had caused them so much trouble.

It had been totally worth it.

----

A/n This seriously pissed me off. I've been sweating _blood_, forcing out the other chapters. It has felt like heaven when I've reached ~2500 words and been somewhat pleased with the chappies. I start writing this one and 3000 words later I haven't even broke a sweat? Just because it's _filth_? 6000 words later and the only thing damp are my panties. Oh Ichi-nii! Oh Ren-Ren! How you deprave me… I feel so dirty.

Once more _thank you thank you thank you_ for all your favourites and comments! Y'all are honestly making me choke up. Let me have your babies.

The chapter was made possible with heavy sacrifice at the altar of caffeine and nicotine. Bless.

Comments are more than welcome! You've no idea of how happy you make me when you leave 'em.

BTW, I drew a little icon to this story for another page. I'm using it here on FF as my avatar, in case someone wants to check it out. :)


	5. Interlude

No warnings

Bleach ain't mine.

----

Interlude

_Renji, this… Are we falling in love?_

I don't know. I honestly don't know. I don't even know if I'm capable of it. Please, don't look at me like that. Let me try to explain.

These things have always been complicated to me.

Rukia? No… I mean, she's part of why I… am like this, but it was never like that. Besides, you ever noticed how _small_ she is? Fuck, I'd crush her.

Why we never…?

When you've huddled together for warmth in nothing but rags night after night and when you've fought for your own and each other's life over water jars and turf too many times and wiped the blood off your faces afterwards, you either accept each other as lovers of soulmate calibre or you'll never in a million years look at each other that way. At least that's what I think. I love Rukia and I would happily die for her but we never took that path.

Still… We were as one, you know? We were so tight after it was only the two of us left. There were times when we held hands everywhere we went, but it was out of need for strength and security, not desire. I dunno, it might be hard to understand. What we had was special.

That's a huge understatement, actually.

When we finally made it into the academy we were forced apart a little, and I believe that was a good thing. I- …What I'm trying to say is that even if things were never romantic between us, our… relationship was still too tight to let anyone slip in between. I made friends and I started to fuck around but there wasn't room for anything resembling love.

You know, I never even thought about it. I mean, I wasn't blind, I noticed when someone crushed on me, but it never occurred to me that I could crush back. I was such an ass. I flirted and fucked and cuddled and then got up and left, and I never realised that sometimes that was a pretty shitty thing to do.

Huh? No, I'm _not still an ass_! Shut up! I'm trying to tell you something here.

Right, and then the Kuchiki clan stepped in and adopted Rukia, _took_ her from me, you know? I was so fucking happy for her, but it felt as if I'd been ripped in half.

It was then I started to realise she had taken up such a huge place in me that I didn't have room for anyone else. And suddenly… there was room. And it felt fucking horrible. Like I had a hole right here, here in my chest! So I started trying to fill it. At one point it felt as if I had fucked every damn fellow student in the academy. I was hell-bent on not having to spend one single night alone. I don't think I did for over a year.

Yeah, both guys and girls. My preferences were a bit more wide back then.

Am I making you uncomfortable with all this? Sorry, kid, but I need you to know where I come from with this, to know it's not some lame excuse. It's… Ah.

Huh? Oh, right, where was I…

You know, Rukia being adopted by my captain was probably the best thing that could've happened. We were depending too much on each other. We had to, to stay alive when we were kids, but it had really started to cripple us.

Yeah, I know what I said that day. There's such a thing as an in-between you know? You don't have to be completely dependent or completely alone.

Anyways, after I'd graduated and been assigned to the fifth I met this girl. She was in the same division. Awesome girl. Strong, cute, stubborn as hell and smarter than I could ever hope to be. Kinda like you, but with a brain. Ow! I was kidding, damnit! …maybe. Ow, _fuck_! Alright, alright, don't get your panties in a bunch. Shit, that hurt!

We started… going out, I guess. I had decided I should fall in love like a normal person and she… well, she fell in love. Fell pretty hard too. We spent almost two years together as a couple. I never once lied to her, I never said I loved her, but I gave her everything I could. I think I was hoping that I'd wake up one morning and go 'Hey, this is true love, she's the one.' but of course that never happened. She… Fuck, smarts just thinking about it. She said it was ok, said she liked what we had but at some point she- …something had to give, ya know? She stayed with me because she loved me and, I think, because she hoped the same thing I was hoping.

It just never happened.

She finally broke it off and it was a huge relief for us both, a weight lifted off our shoulders. It must've hurt like a motherfucker for her, but I sure as hell wasn't the right person to comfort her. She had this look in her eyes when she looked at me, that… I just wanted to apologize every time I met her eyes.

We tried to remain friends but she sort of drifted off. Found another guy after a while who seemed to be crazy in love with her. They're still together, I think.

After that, I… I just never tried again. It felt as if it wasn't worth it. Fucking around wasn't worth it anymore either . That… hole in my chest was still there but I didn't really mind anymore, you know? I settled for being alone, mostly. I wasn't celibate or anything, I just didn't try to fuck myself whole anymore. I did nothing but train and fight and work my way up.

…and get drunk, yeah. Smartass.

And that's where I'm still at. I think I- fuck… Maybe I just never learned _how_. And maybe trying to learn just that with a woman wasn't very clever of me. I mean, I was never in denial over my attraction to men, but I think I was unaware of the fact I was leaning pretty heavily in that direction.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in some fucked up way I'm just as new to this as you are.

You have to believe me when I say this: You make me feel like no one has made me feel before. I just don't know if I can call it falling in love, because I don't know what falling in love is like.

----

Alright, I'll one-up all you lovelies who wanted more. The epilogue became an interlude and although short it means it seems like I'll continue the story (although the next chapter is only in the planning stage.) I can't seem to let the damn thing go.

I don't know how things work here on FF, but _if_ chapter edits alert those of you with story alerts, here's what's going down - I'm replacing all earlier chapters with slightly re-written ones. If you have already read them, there's no need to re-read them. It's mostly small stuff that has been bugging me that I've edited.

If this will flood your inboxes with update notices, I offer my sincere apologies.

THANK YOU for all your kind and encouraging comments!! You've no idea of how it feels to be so green at this and yet receive so much support…

Comments make me all giddy and soft in the middle.


	6. The guidelines

Disclaimers: Rated for language and filth.

This is pretty much 100% PWP and of course boyXboy

Bleach ain't mine

A/n - SMUT AHOY because it seemed to go down so well last time. I cannot believe how fun it is to write! (It is also nearly impossible.)

Now, I said a couple of chapters ago that I am not a writer and that really proves itself over and over. I seem to know how to put words together to make them maybe worth reading but I will be damned if I knew how to actually put a _story_ together. I just flitter along and hope for the best, write something and go 'ohh' and post it. This is what happened with the interlude (chapter 5) and as I continued writing after that, I realised that I had put it in too soon. Sheesh. I'm sorry for being confusing.

So let us just shuffle that particular little chapter forward somewhere and, as they say, _turn back the pendulum._

Let us go back to the Kurosaki residence, some hours after where chapter 4 ended.

*makes wavy flashback motions with her hands*

----

"Have you ever slept with someone?"

"You know I haven't."

"No, not like that, actual sleep. Shared a bed."

"Of course I have! Uh, I- …no?" Ichigo scratched his neck. "Huh." It felt as if sleeping next to someone was something _everybody_ had done, but he couldn't recall a single time except for… "My mom."

Renji looked up from where he was standing, pulling on a pair of loose sweats he'd borrowed to sleep in. "Your mom?"

"She… I mean, they let me sleep in their bed sometimes when I was little. But I haven't done it since." He met Renji's eyes with a sheepish smile.

The redhead released the elastic waistband of the pants with a snap and Ichigo couldn't help but notice how low they were riding on his hips. He blinked and felt his mouth go dry.

"I was hoping I'd maybe pop your sleep-over cherry tonight and since you were just a kid, that doesn't count. Lucky me." Renji leered while reaching up and removing the tie that kept his hair in check. It spilled down over his shoulders, impossibly red.

_It really is __impossibly red. I might have freaky hair myself, but damn. That colour is… beautiful._

Ichigo watched as his friend turned his bare back to him, working kinks out by stretching and shaking his arms and shoulders. Several loud pops later the shinigami groaned with satisfaction and sunk down on the floor with his legs crossed. Surprisingly nimble fingers started untangling the crimson mass of hair.

"You know how to braid hair, Ichigo?"

"I, uh. I do. I mean, it's been a while but Yuzu and Karin used to have long hair and they'd hound me until I gave in and learned how to."

Renji chuckled. "Girls." He shook his head. "Listen, would you mind braiding mine?"

Somehow the thought made the teenager nervous. Despite having… Alright, despite having licked his own semen off his friend's fingers earlier that day, messing with someone's hair like that seemed so _intimate._

And it was as if Renji knew because when Ichigo hesitated he turned his head and watched him over his shoulder with a little grin. "Please? Won't bite."

Finally Ichigo shrugged and sunk down on his haunches behind the older man. He held back a shiver as he for the first time was able to run his hands through the entire length of red locks and gritted his teeth while quickly separating it into three parts.

The shinigami let out a little groan. "I'm such a fucking sucker for having my hair played with."

"Is that why you asked me to braid it?"

"Of course, you think I don't know how to do it myself?"

Ichigo snorted and used a little excess force as he started to braid.

Renji chortled, his head tugged back. "Oh yeah," he moaned in a mock sultry voice. "Just like that, baby."

Ichigo didn't know if he should blush or laugh or get angry so he settled for all three and tugged harder. His fingers were tingling in a most peculiar manner and something stirred in his chest. "Like that, _baby_?"

This managed to draw a strange little mewling sound from the redhead's throat. "Yeah."

_Shit._

Without reflecting over what he was doing or why, Ichigo wrapped the half-finished braid around his hand and pulled. A slow, steady force, not stopping until the back of Renji's head touched his shoulder. "Like this?" he whispered.

"Fuck yeah." Renji leaned back into the grip which resulted in them both toppling over backwards with a yelp.

Renji got up first, laughing, seemingly unfazed by his red cheeks and the visible erection in his pants. He sat back on his heels and offered Ichigo a hand, pulling him into sitting position. "You ok? You look like you're about to blow." He chuckled and started working on the ruined braid.

_Just like that? He can just shut it off somehow. Is that what it's like to be experienced?_ "I'm fine," he grumbled, brushing non-existent dust off his shoulders. "Guess we should go to bed."

Renji nodded, tying off the finished braid. "I'm beat." As if to prove his point, he yawned and then got to his feet.

The teen followed suit and pulled his t-shirt off, folding it over the back of a chair. Standing there in nothing but shorts, still hard and still blushing, he felt so damn naked and as he lay down on the bed he turned his back to Renji. "Turn off the light, will ya?"

He heard a small snicker as the room went dark but for the moonlight shining through the window, and closed his fists, willing his erection to go away, his heart to slow down.

No dice.

_What was that? I only tugged on his hair a little. But the sound he made when I did…_ Ichigo shuddered involuntarily and then tensed up as he felt a heavy body settle down on the bed behind him.

As Renji slid closer and wrapped his arm around Ichigo, letting his hand come to a rest on his stomach, Ichigo held his breath and wondered if Renji could hear his heart beat. He wouldn't be surprised if it echoed through the entire room.

"Relax," Renji drawled behind him.

Well, that answered that question.

"This's nice. You feel nice. Smell good." Renji buried his nose in Ichigo's hair and yawned softly. "I think I'll sleep really well like this."

"Y-yeah." Ichigo was pretty sure he himself wouldn't be able to sleep at all. So much _skin_ touching _skin_. The way Renji's chest was pressed against his back, the way his breath ghosted over his neck, the way that big hand drew lazy circles on his stomach, it all reminded him of earlier. Of teeth burying themselves in his shoulder, of that big hand wrapping itself around his cock and…

Ichigo bit his lip as he felt said cock twitch and grow even harder.

Nope, definitely no sleep.

"I thought I told you to relax, Ichigo…" Renji's voice was thick and sleepy.

"Maybe I could if you just stopped _petting_ me," Ichigo mumbled sullenly. "I mean-"

"S'ok, baby. Go to sleep. I'll hold still, promise." Renji moved his hand away and instead grabbed the boy's, interlacing their fingers. "Night."

"Night…"

_I n__ever would've guessed it would feel so good, my nipples would be so sensitive, his voice, his constant talking, the sounds he made, his palm against my tongue… _

_His fingers in my mouth._

It had been those fingers that had pushed Ichigo over the edge. He'd thought he was about to die of pure pleasure already but when those fingertips pushed in between his lips everything just went white. Renji had held still first but then he'd… started fucking Ichigo's mouth. Slowly pushing in, pulling out, way slower than his other hand was working Ichigo's cock. It had all been too much. He was pretty sure he had never come that hard before.

"_Just like that… C'mon Ichigo, suck me off while you come for me."_

Ichigo fought back a moan, willed his hips still. He forced himself to take deep, although shaky, breaths. He tried focusing on the breathing of the man behind him instead and heard it slow down and deepen as the minutes went past. _Thank god, he's asleep. Now get yourself together._

Renji's hand tightened on top of Ichigo's. He gasped and then slowly, gently squeezed back.

_It's so big. Those fingers… I wonder how many I could fit in my mouth. I wonder how they'd feel inside-_

They had apparently created a monster.

He'd been so good at not thinking, not feeling, completely ignoring feelings like this, but now… He couldn't stop. He felt dirty and what was worse – he started to suspect he liked it.

Ichigo squeezed again, then held his breath. No reply. Maybe Renji really was asleep. He shifted a little, bent his head down and slowly pulled both their hands up until they were close to his face. Ichigo wondered what he was doing and found that it didn't matter because he wouldn't be able to stop anyway.

He shifted again, brushed his lips against a rough knuckle, then froze. The breathing behind him was still slow and even. He let out a shaky breath and placed a nervous kiss on the same knuckle.

The lack of response made him bolder. Ichigo stuck his tongue out and slid the tip over the back of Renji's hand. It tasted salty, a little tangy. He shuddered, breathing shallowly through his nose and then repeated the move, this time with his tongue flat and wide, dragging it over the tan skin.

_He tastes so good._

An image from earlier that day struck Ichigo and he gingerly slipped his hand out from under Renji's, then grabbed the strong wrist, turning the palm upward. He licked it, let his tongue slide from his grip around Renji's wrist up to the blunt fingertips, just like he had done before Renji wrapped that big calloused hand around Ichigo and made him scream.

_No, I never screamed. Did I? Fuck, maybe I did._

The teen changed his grip to hold the hand steady, his face moving closer, his lips slowly sliding down over the tip of the index finger. Brown eyes fluttered closed.

_He tastes so fucking good._

Ichigo couldn't help himself, he guided a second finger in to join the first and then sucked gently, let his tongue push between them, bit them softly. The throbbing in his groin was almost unbearable.

"What are you doing?" Renji's voice was smooth and low and far too alert.

_Fuck! _The fingers slid from Ichigo's mouth with a wet sound that made the glowing knot in his groin tighten even more, despite the panicked embarrassment pounding through him. "I, uh…" He swallowed desperately. "I thought you were asleep."

There was a soft snort. Ichigo could feel the body behind him shake. Was Renji _laughing at him_?

"You're so damn cute." Renji tightened his arm around Ichigo.

"I'm _not_-"

All of a sudden the voice was close, too close, lips brushing against a sensitive ear. "And your mouth feels so damn good."

The boy gasped.

"So…" Renji paused to lick the little hollow spot behind an earlobe. "I think I want you to continue." Without waiting for a response, the redhead slid his fingers back into Ichigo's mouth. "C'mon, suck."

Ichigo felt his entire body spasm and his eyes flew open when he realised what was happening. With a choked cry he ripped Renji's fingers from his mouth and scrambled as far away from him as he could on the small bed, curling up against the wall as the first throes of orgasm wracked his body, his cock pulsing untouched, staining his shorts. The pleasure was blindingly intense but all he could think of was to wish for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

"Ichigo?" Renji sounded confused. "Hey, Ichigo, are you ok?" He reached out and touched the boy's shoulder. "I'm sorry if-"

"Don't touch me!"

The redhead pulled his hand back like he'd been burned. "Ichigo? What's wrong?"

To his dismay Ichigo found that he was breathing in broken sobs. The humiliation burned like wildfire in his chest. "Nothing! Just…"

"Fuck nothing." Renji sat up behind him and grabbed his shoulders, flipping him onto his back.

Ichigo stared up at his friend, mortified, his hands flying down to cover the growing dark stain on the front of his shorts. It was as if time slowed down and came to a stop when he saw realisation dawn on Renji's face and then how the man wiped the surprise off his features, replacing it with something gentle and understanding.

"Ichigo, hey… It's ok. It's ok…"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking spooked horse or something! Shit, let me go!" He slapped at Renji's chest and to his horror realised his palms were wet, moist from where they had pressed against the soaked fabric. _God, I want to die. Please let me die. Please, please, please… He'll laugh his ass off, he'll pity me. Fuck!_

"No." Instead Renji pushed him deeper into the mattress and lowered himself on top of him.

"I'm serious, Renji. Let me go!"

"No." The older man's voice hadn't been that deep a minute ago and the eyes meeting Ichigo's terrified gaze had definitely not been that dark.

"Renji," Ichigo whined, still pushing at his friend's chest.

"You've no idea of how hot you are, do you." Renji let his entire weight rest on top of the boy. His mouth brushed against Ichigo's cheek, his jaw. "You think it's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you, but…" He brought his hips down lightly against Ichigo's once, then again. "…you don't realise how fucking sexy it is to know my fingers in your mouth, my_ fucking_ _fingers,_ Ichigo, made you come like that. Shit."

"Renji…" Ichigo hadn't really had time to go entirely soft and now felt himself grow achingly hard again as Renji ground against him. He moaned, the humiliation pushed into the back of his mind.

"Ichigo, fuck. Makes me want to just…"

The boy worked his hands free from where they had been trapped between the two and slid them down Renji's sides, quickly pulling them away when the man twitched and shuddered.

"Don't stop." Renji's mouth latched onto Ichigo's neck and sucked, licked, bit, slid from the jaw down to the collarbone and back up.

Ichigo's fingers were trembling as they resumed travelling down tattooed skin, tickling lightly. He hardly dared to breathe, even as he parted his legs a little wider, letting Renji's come to a rest between them.

Renji growled against his neck and started thrusting slowly, rubbing cooling semen deeper into the fabric, staining his own pants.

Ichigo found it gross and incredibly erotic at the same time.

He leaned his head to the side, gasping, baring more throat. Fingers curled into claws and scratched. "Fuck, Renji, fuck…" He sucked in breath harshly between his teeth as Renji bit down on his shoulder again, at the exact same spot he'd been marked earlier that day. Slim hips started living a life of their own, meeting each slow thrust, grinding up. _Fuck, he's so hard._

When Renji let the bite up and managed to find his voice, it had the texture of gravel. "I said earlier that I'm not gonna… fuck you today and I won't, but fuck, you've no idea of how badly I wanna rip those sticky shorts off you right now. Rip them off and lick you clean and then make you come again."

"How?" Ichigo croaked, surprised the heart slamming against his ribcage hadn't managed to find its way into his throat and choke him yet.

"Repay the favour you did to my fingers. I wanna suck you, Ichigo."

"No."

"What?" The redhead raised himself on his elbows, staring down at the flushed and panting teenager. "What do you mean 'no'?"

The flustered look on Renji's face would have made Ichigo laugh if he had been able to remember how. All he could do now was stare back and swallow, steeling himself to be able to talk. He managed a whisper.

"Because I w-wanna suck you."

Renji fell back down and groaned into Ichigo's shoulder.

The reaction gave the teenager a little courage and his voice sounded more sure as he leaned his head to the side and whispered into his friend's ear. "You still haven't come. I've already tasted myself, I wanna taste you too." He lifted his hips a little. "Please…"

"You sure?"

"I think so."

The exhale heating Ichigo's neck was most probably some sort of laugh. "You don't sound very sure."

"I am, I'm just nervous."

"Ok then, but I still wanna lick you clean. Right no-"

Ichigo cut him off with a kiss. He let his tongue slide into Renji's mouth as he opened it to protest and proceeded to tease the other slick muscle until it responded.

Renji shifted on top of him and ran his hands through his hair, grabbing two handfuls of orange and pulling him closer, claiming his mouth completely.

Ichigo tried to breathe through his nose, but it was all too much and soon he was light-headed and gasping into the redhead's mouth. Thankfully Renji seemed to understand and backed off a little, settling for biting and tugging at Ichigo's bottom lip instead.

He released the tender flesh with a final nip and sat up between Ichigo's legs. "I'm serious," he rumbled. "Get those shorts off right now, or I'll tear them off." Renji hooked his fingers in the waistband and then held still, waiting for a go-sign.

The teen lifted his hips impatiently.

"Fuck yes…" The shorts came off, forgotten before they even hit the floor and Renji crouched down, latching his mouth onto Ichigo's flat belly, right where it met the hip. He growled deep in his throat and grabbed the hips when Ichigo bucked, pinning them against the mattress.

It was mindblowing. Before today no one had ever touched Ichigo intimately. Now his friend's mouth was inches from his painfully hard erection, cleaning the drying come from his belly and crotch. For the second time, no less. He reached down and rested his trembling hands on Renji's head as Renji licked and sucked.

Something hit him and he hesitantly let his hand slide down the redhead's cheek, stroking it gently with his fingertips, and then closed his fingers around the long crimson braid hanging over one shoulder. He flicked his wrist, wrapped the braid around his hand and then tugged gently.

The reaction was immediate. Renji groaned and lifted his head, looking up at Ichigo with hazy eyes. They were all pupil now, crimson irises completely swallowed. "Harder."

_If he keeps looking at me like that, I'll come untouched again. _He complied, a slow pull downwards, forcing Renji's face back against his skin, and listened as the redhead made sounds he never in a million years would have imagined could come from him. Soft keening noises, high-pitched and whiny. He was honestly at a loss, unable to figure out what to do with all this sudden _power_.

So he let go and let his hands fall to his sides, finally noticing he was panting, gritting his teeth. "Clean me up, Renji. Clean me up and let me suck you."

"Yeah…" Renji's voice was soft, subdued somehow. He went back to it, laving the tan skin, tickling the dark, coarse hair at the base of Ichigo's cock, not leaving a single shiny spot or drop of come.

Ichigo couldn't help himself. As much as the newfound power scared him, it fascinated him. He once again grabbed the braid and pulled Renji up, feeling almost high as Renji complied and crawled up on top of him again.

Their mouths met and Ichigo's cock twitched uncontrollably when he felt the taste of himself on his friend's tongue. There was nothing he wanted more right now than to taste _him._ "Renji, please…"

"Alright, baby, alright. Let me…" Renji got back up on his knees and started pulling those low-riding pants down, revealing inch after inch of sweat-slick skin and two black jagged lines that travelled along the sides of his stomach all the way down into pubes the colour of dried blood where they disappeared from sight.

Renji's tattoos had multiplied after the war and now covered the small of his back as well, along with his hips, thighs and forearms. The newest ones bloomed on the back of his feet, seemingly simple patterns that resembled flowers when seen from a distance. Ichigo wanted to trace them all with his tongue.

He sat up, shifted until he too was kneeling and then leaned in, letting his inexperienced tongue play over salty skin, starting where jaw met ear and travelling downwards. "You taste so good," he mumbled, finally giving voice to his earlier thoughts.

Renji grunted in reply and tugged the sweats down to his knees, revealing a rather impressive and heavily leaking erection. "You sure you wanna do this?"

"Yeah."

The redhead pushed the pants past his knees and sunk back on his heels, allowing the fabric to trap his calves. His hands were trembling as he rested them on Ichigo's shoulders. "Just let me know if it's… if it's too much, ok?"

Ichigo nipped the tender flesh between chest and arm, right above the armpit. "Damnit, Renji, I'm not made of glass. I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions." He heard a shaky chuckle. _Is he nervous? Am _I_ making him nervous? Shit. I'm about to piss my pants, if I had actually worn any, here and _he's _nervous._ "And you let… let me know if I do anything wrong, alright?"

Renji, always the mind reader, cleared his throat and straightened his back to look a little more confident. "Sure thing, baby."

The teen let his mouth travel until it brushed over a dusky nipple. It tightened under his lips and he instinctively stuck his tongue out, teasing it with the tip. The ragged gasp that earned him encouraged him to continue and he started worrying at the stiff nub with his teeth.

Each little gasp and grunt guided the boy, told him what worked and what didn't. Teeth worked better than tongue, sucking better than kissing. He worked his way down Renji's chest slowly, allowed himself to trace those enticing black lines embedded in flushed skin, felt every dip and groove of muscle and bone. As he reached the navel he was down on all fours, crouching low, moaning quietly with nearly every breath. It was more than he had ever dreamed of.

Renji twitched and groaned above him. He tasted salty and sour. His skin was so hot to the touch and smelled… Smelled of something Ichigo couldn't pin down, but he liked it.

He was completely and utterly lost and jerked in surprise as his chin bumped against wet heat. He pulled back and looked down, seeing Renji's cock bob slightly. "Fuck…" It was pretty amusing how his mouth started watering at the sight.

_I can't believe I'm about to do this._

A palm to a tattooed chest, pushing gently and Renji unfolded his legs from beneath him, kicking the restraining pants off and leaned back on his elbows, panting heavily. His eyes were locked on the boy between his legs, on swollen, spit-slick lips tracing that final ink line on his stomach, the one leading down to his…

He groaned.

Ichigo shifted and rested his forearms on Renji's thighs. He took a deep breath and wrapped his hand around the thick erection. _Shit, I don't even know how to jerk myself off properly. How the hell will I be able to give him what he wants?_ He bit his lip and thought back, tried to remember how Renji had done it earlier. Slow firm strokes to begin with, all the way up, squeezing precome from the head. It dribbled down his hand. Then slowly all the way down, pulling the foreskin taut. He watched with fascination as his hand moved and leaned down without thinking, running his tongue over the head.

Renji threw his head back and moaned.

_Guess __I must be doing something right._

Once again Ichigo let the sounds Renji made guide him. He closed his eyes and focused on the panting and moaning, the soft curses, and used his mouth and hands, tongue and teeth to increase the flow of growled words.

_-__Fuck yes, Ichigo. Just like that, just like that - Oh god, that feels so good, baby_.

A deep moan, a hiss between clenched teeth.

_-__Keep moving your hand like that - Take a little more into your mouth… Suck me, Ichigo._

An arched back, quivering thighs.

_-Fuck yes! Just like that - You look so… so pretty like this. So fucking hot._

A cut off shout, a whimper, heavy panting.

_-__C'mon baby_…

The words enflamed Ichigo, egged him on. They went straight to his cock, made him shudder and moan against the warm flesh between his lips. He wanted nothing more than to come, than to make Renji come. No, he needed, he _craved_…_._

Reaching up with one hand he groped blindly until he felt thick hair under his fingers. Grabbing it he yanked hard.

A harsh cry ripped from Renji's throat.

The first spurt of come hitting the back of Ichigo's throat took him by surprise and he pulled back. The second splashed against his lips and he moaned. He caught the third with his tongue and was finally able to taste it.

His hollow had been right. It tasted like himself but stronger. It tasted _more._

It tasted really good.

Ichigo was pulled from his reverie, literally, as a strong hand grabbed his neck and pulled him up until he lay flush against his lover. He hardly even had time to moan before Renji claimed his mouth, sucking the come from his tongue, licking it from his lips.

Ichigo wrapped his arms around Renji's neck and they fell back onto the bed with a grunt.

Renji pulled back the tiniest bit. "On you knees. Don't let go of me, just raise your ass a little."

"Renji, what-"

"Just do it."

Ichigo scrambled to his knees and then yelped against Renji's neck as a familiar rough hand wrapped itself around his cock and started to move in a quick pace. "Fuck! Oh god, yes Renji, _yes_!"

Renji held one hand on the boy's hip to steady him as he jerked him off, growling low in his throat when Ichigo bucked into his hand, sobbing and moaning.

It didn't take more than a minute for Ichigo to come. He repeated Renji's name like a mantra as he did.

Slowly they both came down, finally able to notice things like hearts thundering against each other through rapidly heaving chests and rivulets of sweat running down their sides.

"You're a fucking natural, Ichigo."

The boy laughed.

----

Can you tell I have an oral fixation? And seriously, all fangirls (and boys) who have developed a hair fetish because of Renji, raise a hand.

So, how did I do, guys? Acceptable smut?

I've another chapter somewhat planned out. Well, stray snippets here and there to be honest. There's actual plot in them though.

Comments are welcome and appreciated.

This chapter is proof-read by myself, but un-beta:ed and I've a feeling there's mistakes galore in it. Sorry about that.


	7. The balance

Let's push the interlude (chapter 5) ahead one last time, shall we?

Some filthy language and sexual content in this chapter, kids.

Bleach doesn't belong to me.

----

Way too chipper birds and a stubborn ray of sunlight awoke Renji the next morning. He lay flat on his belly in a bed which at first seemed unfamiliar but soon wasn't, one arm hanging over the edge of it, knuckles brushing the floor, the other tucked under the pillow his head rested on.

He blinked and tried to move, finding himself pretty much unable to.

Flush against his side, attached like a baby koala, a seventeen year old, crazy-haired boy clung, arm wrapped around his waist, leg locking his thighs in place.

He flexed the muscles in his back and scrunched his nose when he felt something moist and slippery on his shoulder. It felt cold, waves of breath keeping it so.

Ah, Ichigo was drooling on him.

How cute.

He shrugged his shoulders a little. "Hey, Ichigo…"

No reply.

"Ichigo, oi. Wake up, kid."

Something like an 'mmph' was heard and Renji grinned. He shook the boy off with mild violence and rolled until he was on his side, facing Ichigo.

Ichigo buried his face in a pillow with another unintelligible sound.

Renji brushed a wild lock of orange hair from an ear and leaned in, blowing gently, which caused a shiver and yet another 'mmph', this decidedly deeper in tone. He moved closer and took the earlobe between his teeth and tugged gently.

"Mm…"

That was more like it_._ Renji added the tip of his tongue and let it travel slowly over the sensitive skin.

"Renji." Ichigo's voice was thick and raspy with sleep.

"Morning, baby," Renji murmured.

Ichigo finally turned his head, half-lidded brandy coloured eyes crossing as they tried to focus.

The boy was just too adorable for his own good.

Renji had let the earlobe go with a wet 'plop' when he spoke, but found himself needing something between his lips again so he tilted his head and caught chapped, slightly parted lips in a kiss, morning breath be damned. He was met with a lazy tongue inviting him in and was unable to suppress a soft moan.

Fumbling fingers grabbed Renji's neck, tugging him closer until he gave in and rolled on top of the sleep-warm body. He let his lips travel down Ichigo's neck, adding a good amount of tongue.

Fingers, more eager now, slid over his shoulders and paused. "Renji..?"

"Hm?"

"There's a, uh… wet spot. Did I… Did I drool on you while sleeping?"

The redhead let out a laugh, still hoarse and deep. "Yeah, you did."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry, I guess. Great first impression sleeping with someone, huh."

"Don't worry about it, kid. You can drool on me anytime."

Ichigo snorted. "Good to know." He let his hands travel over warm skin, down to the small of Renji's back, where he stopped, hesitating.

They were both still naked, smelling faintly of sweat and sex.

Renji grinned. "You're allowed to touch my ass, Ichigo." He lifted his head just in time to see the boy blush and grinned even wider. Lowering his voice, his mouth brushing the corner of Ichigo's, he continued with a purr. "In fact, you're allowed to touch me anywhere you want."

Ichigo responded simply by catching Renji's lips with his own, pressing against them hard.

The redhead felt their cocks twitch in unison and growled, grabbing the back of the teen's head and pulling him even closer.

The kiss was eager and hungry. Their mouths slid and missed, leaving trails of saliva on their cheeks and chins, teeth clacked together painfully hard, tongues fought, lost, won, fucked, were sucked.

Renji shifted between Ichigo's legs and thrust forward, rubbing their erections together. He swallowed the moan that earned him and moaned right back when the teen finally managed to gather enough courage to grab his ass, pulling him close.

"Fuck, that feels nice, baby." _Makes me wanna just… Gah. Makes me wanna spread you open, hoist one leg onto my shoulder and push into you, baby. Makes me wanna fuck you until you scream my name._

_Makes me wanna stop being patient and just give us both what we want. I want in you so bad. I want to just forget all the fuck about taking shit slow and wrap your legs around my neck and eat you out. You'd love that, I know you would. You'd bitch and moan about it being 'not very hygienic' and then you'd beg for more within a minute. And I'd give it to you, baby._

_I'd slick you up and finger__fuck you for so long you'll forget what it's even like to not have me in you. Stick as many fingers in your mouth as I can and make you come like that. I wanna give you enough orgasms to make you come dry and wipe the tears from your eyes when it feels so fucking good and hurts so fucking bad at the same time. Take you in every position known to man._

_I wanna see you ride me, _fuck_ I wanna see you ride me! I wanna see you throw your head back and let all the shit in your life just go and let me make you forget about everything for a while._

_Then I wanna do it again._

They rolled their hips, gasping and grunting into each other's mouths, until Ichigo pulled away, sucking in air as if he'd been about to drown. "We have to- I'll… I can't, I'm gonna…" His body didn't heed his words, still moving, rocking, a leg coming up to wrap itself around Renji's.

"Alright… Alright, we'll stop." Renji clenched his jaw tight enough to hear a nasty little crack and raised himself on his elbows, a jolt going through him as the boy beneath him winced at the slight loss of contact. "I swear I just wanted to wake you up." He managed a chuckle. "Seems I can't keep my hands off you."

"I like your hands."

Renji reluctantly rolled off Ichigo, pulling him along until the teen rested his head on Renji's chest, a leg and an arm draped over him. "You're amazing, Ichigo," he murmured into bright unruly hair.

Ichigo shifted next to him, pressing closer. "I really, really like this."

"Yeah, me too."

They stayed like that for a while, trying to cool down.

A long-fingered hand reached up and traced the thick black lines adorning Renji's forehead. He closed his eyes, enjoying the soft touch.

"Not much room left on your body now. What will happen when you run out?"

Renji smiled. "I haven't really thought about it. Maybe I'm done when I'm full of them. Maybe I could just go over them all again in a different colour, tracing the outlines."

"Red would be nice."

"It's a little predictable, don't you think? Maybe I should just go with… orange or something." He tugged Ichigo's hair gently.

The teen buried his face in Renji's neck and muttered something unintelligible.

Renji chuckled and scratched Ichigo's scalp. "Not orange, huh… I guess Zabimaru will want to have his say too. He wasn't too fond of the ones on my feet, said they reminded him too much of cherry blossoms..." He listened to the little pleasured groans and sighs his scratching created, a warm feeling spreading in his chest. "Feels good?"

"Yeah… Listen, Renji… About yesterday."

"Hm?"

Ichigo closed his fist against Renji's chest. "It- It felt so good, but also a little scary, you know? I've…" He paused, searching for the right words. "I've held back for so long, it felt like I was gonna explode when I finally started letting things out."

"I can understand that." Renji closed his hand over Ichigo's fist, squeezing it softly, willing it to relax.

"And you're so… You've done this a lot of times, right?"

"Can't lie to you. I have, yeah."

"I feel like a, like an overexcited puppy, like a kid. I don't wanna disappoint."

Renji craned his neck, looking down at the young man in his arms. Ichigo was scowling, staring straight ahead into the wall. "Don't worry about it, Ichigo. I don't expect you to be an expert. And speaking of last night, you made me come harder than anyone has in a long, long time. That counts, doesn't it?" He felt Ichigo relax the tiniest bit and smiled. "Like I said, you're a natural."

"You really think so?" Ichigo looked up with a look on his face that was hard to interpret. It was needy somehow. It made Renji's heart clench.

It was suddenly so obvious how starved his friend was of physical contact, except for the harsh bite of a blade or the bruising blow of a fist.

"I do. I think you're very…" He cupped Ichigo's chin and urged him closer. "very…" His lips brushed against Ichigo's. "sexy. Do you doubt that?" His voice a low murmur.

"I… no," Ichigo whispered, his voice cracking just a little.

"Good." Renji kissed the boy, licking the seam of his lips until they parted and then entered his mouth. He lazily mapped out the teeth, the insides of the cheeks, coaxed Ichigo's tongue to come out and play, sucking on it lightly before pulling back. "'Cause I'd have to kick your fucking ass if you did. _Ouch_!"

"Way to ruin the mood!"

"I wasn't the one who did the fucking _punching_," Renji snapped. "Ow! What the hell Ichigo!" He grabbed Ichigo's wrist and then nearly arched his entire back off the mattress with a yelp as his hip was pinched hard. "Alright you little brat, that's fucking it!"

Pushing the teen to the side, he managed to get a grip on the other wrist as well, pinning Ichigo's arms down above his head. As he moved to straddle him, he unfortunately found his feet snared in the sheets and lost his balance, pulling Ichigo with him as he tumbled off the bed.

Ichigo found himself winded, flat on top of Renji. "Somehow," he wheezed, "I never thought I'd end up wrestling naked with you."

"It's because you've a lousy imagination," Renji gasped, equally winded. "Besides, we're not actually wrestling, you're just lying on top of me like a dead fish."

"You ass! You're just asking for it."

Renji barked a laugh and hooked a leg around Ichigo's, trapping it and using it as leverage to flip them both over, finally ending up on top. "You were saying?"

What met his eyes as he looked down made him falter and his breath hitch. Ichigo's face was flushed with excitement and frustration, his eyes flashing with anger and anticipation, amusement and lust. Renji had to, he just _had_ to lean down and bite the open-mouthed grin off Ichigo's lips, _hard_, sucking down the cry he was rewarded with. "And you dare doubt how attractive you are…" He cut off a half-hearted protest. "Na-ah. I know you do. You might be the hottest thing I've ever laid my eyes on, Ichigo." He watched the colour in Ichigo's cheeks deepen a few shades, saw him worry at his swollen bottom lip with his teeth.

When Ichigo's eyes shied away from his and darted to the side, Renji caught his jaw with thumb and forefinger and squeezed. "Hey, look at me."

Brown eyes flickered back to meet with reddish ones.

"I'm serious. You know your worth in so many aspects of life, you damn well better know it in this too."

Ichigo cleared his throat. "You're so goddamn pushy sometimes, Renji," he muttered.

"I wouldn't have to be if you weren't such an idiot."

Ichigo just huffed and managed to cross his arms over his chest while still tightly trapped beneath Renji, which impressed the redhead. "Now get off me, I have to take a shower. There's sweat and spit and… And god knows what all over us."

"Can I join?"

"Fine, whatever."

----

Seated at the kitchen table an hour and one hell of an orgasm later, Renji watched Ichigo pace back and forth, a piece of toast held between his teeth. "Nervous over something?"

The teenager spun around on his heels to face the redhead and released the bread. "No. Yes. I dunno…" He sighed. "It's stupid."

"Out with it."

"This." He waved his hands. "Us. You."

Renji raised a brow.

"You have to go back to Soul Society soon, don't you." There was a glint in Ichigo's eyes that made Renji suspect he really wanted Renji to answer no to that.

"Yeah. Haven't gotten the call yet, but probably within a fortnight."

"See? Stupid. Of course you do."

"And it bothers you… You know, I'm not too happy about it either. I mean, of course it'll be nice to come home, but… Ah, it doesn't matter, I've a duty to my captain and my division. They think it's a bit of a waste with a vice captain patrolling Karakura these days." Renji's smile was crooked. "In theory I agree with them, but…"

"But..?" Ichigo clung to the word.

"I kinda like it here, you know? Food's nice, human stuff is interesting, the sex is fucking excellent." He waggled his brows, half expecting a kiss or a punch in the nose but was only met with a frown on the face of a boy looking lost. "Hey now, don't go all kicked-puppy on me, baby. I'll be back. I have to go, but I'll be back as soon as possible."

The teenager sighed and leaned back against the kitchen counter. "I don't know shit about these things. You kissed me two weeks ago and now I suddenly act like it's the end of the world that you're leaving. It's pathetic."

"Oh come on, you're hardly acting like it's the end of the world. So you like having me around, that's no wonder is it? I mean, besides me being irresistible and all that. I like being with you and it makes me pretty damn happy it's not just me." Renji got to his feet and walked over to where Ichigo was standing. He reached up and smoothed his thumbs over the teen's eyebrows as if trying to wipe the frown away. "I'll miss you, Ichigo."

Ichigo closed his hands over Renji's wrists, not able to let the frown up, but his eyes were softer as they met lidded scarlet ones. "Yeah?"

"Hell yeah." Renji flashed his trademark wolf grin. "Anyways, it's not like you're getting rid of me soon. My guess is that it won't be for at least another week. I'll get in touch with Soul Society and get a date confirmed."

"Alright."

"Chin up, soldier."

Ichigo smiled. "Yes, sir."

"Hah, say that again!"

"Fuck you."

----

I'm stuck. I'm sorry. I enjoyed writing the dialogue which is why more or less the entire chapter is dialogue but I've just a big feeling of MEH about it. But onward, forward, up up and away!

I'm still Swedish ;D and errors in the text can perhaps be blamed on that and the fact that I lack a beta.

Comments and input are always welcome and much appreciated.

Thanks guys for all your support and love! I'm serious when I say I wanna have your babies. 69 reviews? Shit's crazy.


	8. The reason

This chapter contains filthy language and a little smut.

Bleach still isn't mine, oh my.

----

"Ah, Kurosaki-san! Come in, come in. Have a seat."

Renji whipped around, making the two pigtails dance on his shoulders. He saw the wiry teen stand in the doorway with a crooked little grin on his face.

"To what do we owe this pleasure?" The shopkeeper cracked a somewhat maniacal sunny smile.

Ichigo shrugged and walked up to the two men sitting by the table. "I was bored. Figured I'd come over and see if someone was up for some sparring."

"Good idea, Kurosaki-san! You can hardly get enough training these days, what with so little actual fighting. Staying in shape sounds very wise."

Ichigo grunted in reply and sunk down next to Renji. "Hey." His smile straightened out and turned warm.

"Hey, kid." Renji returned the smile and fought down the impulse to lean in and kiss the boy.

"So… What's with the pigtails?"

"What about 'em?"

"Pigtails, Renji. Pigtails finished off with _little pink bows, _Renji." Ichigo reached out and tugged one lightly.

Renji snorted, pointedly ignoring the light chortle coming from the other side of the table. "I happen to think the colour contrasts nicely with my hair." He paused, frowned. "And Ururu threatened with no dinner if I didn't allow her to play with it."

"Hm, yes. That girl can be quite frightening when she puts her mind to it." Urahara tapped his mouth lightly with a finger. "I really must agree with you though, Abarai-kun. Pink goes very well with your hair and the pigtails are adorable. Don't you agree, Kurosaki-san?"

The two redheads blushed in unison.

"That colour seems to clash a little, I'd say." Urahara motioned with his fan to Renji's red cheeks. "Suits Kurosaki-san just fine though."

Renji got to his feet in one fluid motion and undid the bows in his hair, letting the ribbons flutter to the table. "Sparring, you said?" He grinned down at Ichigo, willing his blush away while ignoring the shopkeeper.

Ichigo scrambled to his feet in a less graceful manner, relieved, and fished up the shinigami badge from his back pocket.

"Oh, don't bother."

The end of Urahara's cane hit him hard square between the shoulder blades and he flinched as his lifeless body landed face down on the floor. It didn't matter how many times he saw it, it still disturbed him a little. "Could you at least do that when I'm sitting down?"

"Stop fussing, Kurosaki-san. I'll turn it over for you."

"Just no funny business!"

Urahara smiled the secret little smile that always gave Ichigo the creeps and waved him off with his fan.

The moment Ichigo and Renji landed on the dusty ground of the training room beneath the shop Renji tackled him and sent them both flying.

"What the hell, Renji!"

"Shut up." He forced one of his thighs between Ichigo's legs, pinned down his arms above his head and crushed their lips together, not giving the boy a chance to voice another protest, sucking on his tongue until he got that sweet little moan he'd come to expect in response. The one that made him hard in an instant. He moved his thigh, rubbing it against Ichigo and was rewarded with another moan and tan arms circling his neck.

They kissed until they had both run out of air and then parted reluctantly. "Been wanting to do that since you first stepped through the door," Renji panted against Ichigo's shoulder.

The only response was a breathless little chuckle and a kiss on the temple.

"And now that I've gotten that out of my system…" He pushed himself up, using Ichigo's shoulders to brace himself and pivoted around once he was on his feet, unsheathing his sword.

"You dirty cheat!"

"And yet you still lo-"

Ichigo, having gotten back up as well, crouching low and facing his friend, froze, his eyes growing large.

"Like! Like me," Renji finished lamely, silently cursing himself as the tension rapidly grew thick between them.

None of them were able to look away.

Ichigo reached back with an unsteady hand and grabbed the hilt of his sword, the wrapping swirling loose behind him. He straightened up, eyes still locked on Renji, and adopted a wide legged stance.

Renji finally broke the gaze when he saw a hard glint in his friend's eye. _Nice going with the L-word, idiot. As if he wasn't worried enough about his feelings already. _He took a deep breath. "Come at me, baby." _Yeah, let's work this out the old-fashioned way like the manly men we are. _He cracked a lopsided grin, inwardly rolling his eyes, and raised his sword as Ichigo charged.

The fight was rough, the younger of the two pushing and pushing, forcing Renji to constantly retreat, nearly pounding him into the ground as Ichigo crashed down with his blade over and over. Renji couldn't do much else but hold Zabimaru over his head, blocking the blows.

Later, when they were both bleeding from numerous scratches and shallow cuts Renji finally flash stepped to the side and bent over, hands on his knees, his chest heaving rapidly. "Fucking hell, Ichigo," he croaked. "I thought we were supposed to burn some excess energy, not fucking kill each other."

Ichigo stabbed Zangetsu into the dirt and leaned on it. Sweat poured down his face and neck and a cut above one eye forced it shut to avoid the blood.

Renji nearly slapped himself when he found the sight unbelievably erotic, especially since he was pissed at the kid for having gone at it so hard. When he mentally went through his body, checking for internal damage, he could count at least two eventual sprains, a cracked rib and what was most probably a light concussion. Not that it really bothered him but it hadn't exactly been what he had in mind when they started.

"That's what you get for being a cheating bastard," Ichigo grunted.

"Ha! Guess I deserved you nearly breaking my arm then."

The boy looked up. "Are you ok?"

"Me? I'm always ok. Shit, it's not like it's serious or anything, although the blood from some cut has started to dry in my pubes and it's all sticky and uncomfortable." Renji scrunched his nose. "I'm mostly wondering why you felt the need to more or less go bankai on my ass."

Ichigo snorted and rolled his eyes. "You wish."

"Yeah yeah, zing. The bankai jokes never get old do they?" Renji removed sandals and socks before straightening up and stripping down to his hakama. He checked for cuts and bruises and made a face as he found a particularly ugly one forming on his chest. Oh well, nothing the healing spring wouldn't take care of. "Are _you_ ok?"

"Yeah. Guess… Guess I just needed to get some shit out of my system." Something like guilt ghosted across his features and the look in his eyes, his eye as it was, softened. "Didn't mean to be so rough."

The redhead made his mind up on the spot and swaggered over to Ichigo with a wolfish grin. "But I _like_ it rough, sugar." He waited in the expected blush before catching the boy in a headlock and started to walk towards the spring, forcing him to stumble along or fall over.

"Renji, gross!" Ichigo coughed. "Sweaty armpit… Head… Too close!" He started to struggle. "Also, 'sugar'."

"Aw, wounding some macho pride? But you're so _sweet_." Renji didn't let up his hold, instead he tightened it and picked up the pace. If Ichigo could work out frustration by hacking away like a butcher, then damnit if Renji couldn't make him as uncomfortable as possible in return. He couldn't wait to throw Ichigo into the little pool, clothes and all.

Once there he proceeded to do just that and laughed as the teen sputtered and struggled to get up. "Stop splashing around and let the water do its job, baby."

"I'll kill you!"

"Didn't go very well last time you tried."

Ichigo finally managed to get to his feet and waded through the shallow water until he reached the edge. Instead of getting out he just started stripping, glaring daggers at Renji as he threw the garments on the ground, he didn't even look down as he fought with the wet, tight knots on his sandals. His eyes flared with unspoken challenge that grew into a wildfire as he ripped the last part of his uniform off, standing stark naked in front of the redhead, whose jaw had dropped.

Renji was glad he had shed both top and shoes already because he would have gone crazy if it had taken him more than a minute to get naked himself and get into the water. Once in he grabbed Ichigo by the neck and pulled him close, their noses nearly touching. "You little _tease_," he growled, meeting the unwavering burning gaze. He reached down and wrapped still dirty fingers around the teen's cock and squeezed lightly. _"_This…_" _He squeezed again. "…is going down my throat in a minute. Got a problem with that?"

Ichigo only mouthed a 'no'.

"Good. Sit down on the edge, baby." Renji sunk to his knees in the water as Ichigo obeyed and leaned back on his elbows, biting his lip. Neither of them noticed the shopkeeper poking his head through the hatch to announce dinner was ready, waving his green-striped hat.

He decided they could re-heat it later.

Some time later both men pulled their dusty, sweaty shinigami uniforms back on and tied them sloppily, still in dire need of a shower. At least their cuts and bruises were healed.

Renji sunk back on his haunches with a sigh, wringing excess water from his hair. "Feels weird I'll be back home this time tomorrow." He pulled the red, damp mass back into a knot and fastened it with a tie.

Ichigo hummed quietly in agreement, shifting his weight from one foot to the other while gnawing on a knuckle. "We should… We should head upstairs."

"Ichigo…"Renji rose and grabbed the teen's arm, frowning as he refused to meet his gaze. "Sleep here tonight, Ichigo. We can patrol until they've all gone to bed."

Ichigo nodded. "I'll call my dad when we get back upstairs."

----

There was a lot of hair-ruffling that night, a lot of 'chin up's and 'I'll be back before you know it's, smiles that were genuine and warm and encouraging but wore thinner as dawn drew near.

This was Ichigo. Ichigo, his friend, his nakama_._ Seventeen years old, so _young_ and so strong, braver than an entire army, emotionally crippled.

Ichigo, who was starting to crush on him so hard it scorched them both, blackened them around the edges.

Renji could already see the first shade of pink in the sky when the boy fell asleep, clinging to him, and he couldn't understand where all this had come from, told himself it was puppy love, something that would pass. But he knew how hot Ichigo burned once he ignited and it was a flame that was near impossible to snuff out. And he knew he probably didn't want it any other way.

A rough but slender hand clenched, opened-closed-opened until it found Renji's braid and closed again, coming to a rest. Ichigo rubbed his nose against Renji's neck and snored lightly.

It was that quiet little snore that just about unhinged Renji and made him want to cry and few things had ever made him want to cry. Then the tear in his chest was replaced by a deep sense of injustice, of wondering when Ichigo got dibs on never wanting to part, when Renji had to become the rock.

And he had no idea of how to deal with it.

When he finally slept he did so after wrapping Ichigo's arm around him and pressing his face against his chest. It was huddling together for warmth in the Rukongai all over again but this time sweat coated grown, toned bodies and made them stick together.

All this would be near forgotten in the morning.

Two could play that little game of denial.

----

"Guess this is it then."

Ichigo gave a tight nod. The hell butterfly that had been sent for Renji had settled in the boy's hair, adorning it like a bow.

Renji cupped the back of Ichigo's head, bunched the front of his uniform in his fist and gently bumped their foreheads together. "Do you still doubt me when I say I'll miss you?"

"No…" Ichigo's voice was thick and quiet.

His lips quivered the tiniest bit when Renji pulled away, so he kissed them, mapped out the details of Ichigo's mouth with his tongue, making sure he got a good taste so he could keep it in his mouth all the way home.

He almost didn't want to look the kid in the eyes, he was so afraid he'd find them wet, but he steeled himself.

They were a little misty, the brown colour deeper somehow, like fine chocolate, but still bright, mostly dry and very much alive.

Renji smiled. "Alright. You know the deal. I'm not sure when you'll hear from me and you heard what they said yourself. What with the low hollow activity and all you're on your own here for a while, we won't send another shinigami. You're still ok with that, right?"

Ichigo nodded.

"You know how to get in touch with the guys if needed. And, ah-" The redhead looked up at the sky, smiling with an open mouth and blinking rapidly. He couldn't believe how hard this was. "And I'll see you soon."

"Yeah."

Renji kissed the tip of Ichigo's nose, just like he'd done right after their first kiss, and then took a couple of steps back, towards the gate waiting open for him.

The butterfly took off from Ichigo's hair and fluttered over to Renji. "Say hi to everyone for me." Ichigo offered a small smile. The same kind of forced little smile he put on when trying to shield someone from some ugly truth.

"Will do!" _Be brave for me, baby._

"Bye."

Renji fired off the mother of all wolfish grins before turning around and flash stepping through the gate.

Ichigo sighed, slapped himself a couple of times and took off in the opposite direction.

----

He tried to distract himself, he really did.

Balancing Zangetsu on his forehead took a few hours to master but then got old after a couple of minutes. Urahara had seemed mighty impressed though, and then suggested he'd learn it with the sharp tip down. Good for the character, he said. Ichigo had mastered the trick well enough to be able to flip the shopkeeper off while doing it.

Playing soccer with Karin had ended up with a sprained ankle and a black eye and him losing so hard it wasn't even funny.

Playing a little baseball with Kinta, on the other hand, had been pretty fun he had to admit. He just wished he wouldn't have to run three blocks to retrieve the ball after every pitch.

Spending an afternoon with his dad, well… It was a good thing their house also housed the clinic.

The one hollow that had dared showing its face had been purged like no hollow had ever been purged before, the brute force used enough for Urahara to stop by and lecture Ichigo on the importance of self-control, and then give him tips on how to rid oneself of sexual frustration. Just like that, right out of the blue.

That had been awkward.

His room was spotless, his clothes sorted after colour and material and brand name, his school assignments done.

It had been six days.

After nine days his cock was too sore for him to be able to masturbate any more, the images of what he and Renji had done and more importantly what he wanted Renji to do to him swirling in his mind every time he'd gone to bed.

He wanted Renji to take him. It felt so weird, he'd barely even given anal sex a thought before all this happened but now it snuck into his mind as soon as he was close to coming.

They'd talked about it, mumbled wishes and promises as they ground against each other.

He imagined Renji stretching him with his fingers, him flat on his belly, cock rubbing against the sheets, and then Renji straddling him, fucking him, hands on his shoulders, pushing him down into the mattress. And Ichigo came when he thought about it, oh god did he come. He nearly shoved his entire fist into his mouth to keep from crying out loud.

He didn't even have the decency to feel ashamed afterwards anymore as he panted and shuddered, licking the come from his hand and wishing Renji was there so he could suck it off his tongue.

After twenty days he had cried once and it terrified him.

He had it bad.

The final week before Renji left for Soul Society had been really good. Bittersweet, but really good. He'd opened up, allowed himself to fully accept the touches and affection. It felt so fucking good to be touched, to feel Renji's hands slide down his back, through his hair, between his thighs, to interlace their fingers as they sat in silence. He hadn't really noticed before how touchy-feely the redhead was but thinking back on it, he'd always been that way. Always pushing and shoving, grabbing and patting, standing close and leaning in. It had never been too much, never intimidating unless he was hostile for one reason or another. Renji was just _there_, a presence not to be ignored.

Now every touch was noticed and they all felt good. They had still fought: wrestled and thrown punches and even those had made Ichigo smile on the inside. No one could rile him up like Renji but no matter how pissed he got now, or maybe the more pissed he got, the more he felt a throbbing excitement in his gut.

It really was like he'd said, once he started opening up there was no going back.

It scared him so much.

What if Renji didn't come back? What if he realised what a stupid little kid Ichigo was? What if he would never feel those butterflies Ichigo had tumbling in his stomach? It was that last thought that had made his eyes sting, made him wipe them furiously while sniffling, made him unable to face his family for hours afterwards, afraid they'd see how weak he was.

It had been thirty-seven days. The fear and longing had worn him down. He'd given up on trying distracting himself.

Not a word from Soul Society.

----

"My, my, the heat we're having. I haven't even been able to make the children do their chores. They just sit by the fan in the back of the shop and pant like puppies." The shopkeeper snapped his fan open and fluttered it in his face.

Ichigo agreed with a grunt, sitting cross-legged by Urahara's table, his forehead resting on the cool wooden surface.

"And you know you're always welcome here, except when I say you aren't, but may I ask why you're here today?"

"My dad thought the warmest day of the year would be a good choice to clean the entire house, including all closets."

"You left it to your sisters then?"

"Karin kicked him in the shin and took off running. Yuzu… God, I hope he doesn't make her do it all. I'd make Kon help out if…" Ichigo looked up and rubbed the back of his neck. "You know, there was a time when I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Kon." He stretched his legs out in front of him, leaning back on his elbows.

"Hm, yes. I think we all do. Despite his many faults he was a noble soul."

"I… Sometimes I feel so bad for how we all treated him."

Urahara stayed silent, shaded eyes locked on the teen.

"I didn't know better until it was too late. I mean, I knew he had feelings but it was as if they didn't matter as much as everybody else's did."

"The curse of the mod soul. There was a reason he was wounded and resentful when you first got to know him. He knew what had happened to his kind."

Ichigo made a face and sighed. "I wish I could make it up to him, somehow. After the war, he… I'd like for him to come back so I could at least apologize."

"Don't be selfish, Kurosaki-san. He made the decision to retire. I offered him a body of his own but he declined."

"I know…"

"Kon saved a lot of lives and saw a lot of things during those last few days. He was tired."

"It broke him enough for him to want to die."

"Not die, don't you dare say that. He asked me to let him rest. You know I keep him safe in pill form, just like he wants me to." It was Urahara's time to sigh and then shock Ichigo by removing his hat, running a hand through sweat-dampened locks. "There's nothing wrong with missing him, but it's too late to do anything about it. We all said our goodbyes. "

"Yeah."

"He knew you cared for him. You trusted your body and your loved ones with him, you always did, despite whining about it… Fuck, I can't believe it's too hot to even keep my hat on. What is the world coming to?"

Ichigo watched Urahara a bit sceptically, unused to see him with his guard down, hat off and _cursing_. The hellish heat was turning everyone crazy.

He wiped his brow with the back of a tan hand, wondering how much it would cost to buy enough bags of ice to drown himself in. Every store in town would probably be out of them anyways.

He couldn't focus. His thoughts drifted everywhere, to his sisters and to his crazy dad who'd defended him with his life many times over. It was all out in the open now. Ichigo left his body at home the few times he had to go out and take care of a hollow, sat down for little chats in shinigami form. He'd even taken Yuzu and Karin under his arms and settled on the highest rooftop in Karakura one evening, watching the moon travel over the sky.

Something tugged in his chest, a recent memory of leaning against a hard strong body on the very same rooftop, drifting off, feeling safer than he ever had before in his life.

It was so strange with the peacefulness. Ever since he became a shinigami he'd fought constantly. Fought Soul Society, fought Aizen, fought hollows, fought himself, fought Renji…

He could still remember the feeling of Zabimaru sawing through his shoulder, the only thing saving him the bone mask that had materialized under his uniform. That had hurt. More than that spoon boy… Nnoitra, breaking his arm in several places with a grin, more than every sword run straight through him, more than Ulquiorra ripping his goddamn heart out.

Zabimaru, hah. What a beast that zanpakutou was. Those teeth, the skill and ease Renji handled it with. It was beautiful. That lethal kind of beauty you didn't want to be on the wrong end of.

A soft sound was lulling Ichigo into a daze, a voice with a strange song in it, an accent he could never pin down. He wondered if Soul Society had its own accent. How come he'd never thought about that before?

And where had Urahara gotten his?

Ichigo had always found the peculiar lilt in Urahara's voice strangely alluring, even those times when he'd wanted nothing more than to kill the man. He tended to settle in and just listen, more to the sound of the sentences than the meaning, which often led him to not hearing a word Urahara said.

"Huh?"

"Now, Kurosaki-san… It's impolite to not pay any attention whatsoever." Urahara's gaze darkened somewhat, but the smile remained in place.

"I'm sorry. I think the heat has fried my brain."

"He's completely smitten with you."

"Sorry?"

"Abarai. It took me a while to understand what was wrong when he started walking into doorposts and stare into space a lot."

Ichigo felt his cheek starting to heat up and looked down, studying his feet. His heart raced.

"Ah, and then I saw you two dance around each other like alley cats. At first I thought it would lead to bloodshed." Urahara's smile widened into a sunny grin and he tapped his nose with the folded fan. "But finally I understood, if not before then at least when you started holding hands under my table."

Ichigo groaned, head sagging down until the chin rested on his chest.

"Now now, don't be embarrassed, Kurosaki-san. You were very discreet but I'm, ah, of a curious nature. I tend to notice things. Like the fact he couldn't keep his eyes off you the last few days before he left." The shopkeeper's voice had softened a little, along with his smile.

"Really?"

"When have I ever lied to you? Lower your fist, please. Thank you. There's no need for violence. Yes, really. You've wilted in the past couple of weeks, Kurosaki-san. I'm glad you pay us regular visits but it saddens me to see you like this. You don't seem very happy at all and it goes beyond the usual grumpiness." He got to his feet. "Oh well, I won't embarrass you any longer, you're still at such a sensitive age. Just remember what I've said. He enjoys your company very much. Don't forget that while he's gone."

"Hey…"

"Hm?"

"Ah… Thank you."

"Don't mention it. More iced tea?"

-----

Renji sighed as he leaned his back against the large elm trunk. He'd taken his refuge in the little forest grove he liked to think of as his, located a couple of minutes from the eastern Seireitei gate if you flash stepped.

The whole day had been a fucking mess. Documents had gotten lost, his captain had been in one of his especially pissy prissy modes, and his subordinates had bounced around like kids on a sugar high. The second after he signed the last document that lay on his desk, he'd fled, only stopping by his quarters to deposit the lieutenant's insignia that usually adorned his sleeve, before leaping from treetop to treetop until he found himself surrounded by blissful silence.

The exhausted redhead reached up and removed his bandana and hair tie, throwing them both to the side. He rested the back of his head against the smooth bark and closed his eyes with another sigh.

Leaving the real world had been difficult this time. Most times he was too busy with what went down there or in Soul Society to give it any thought, other times he couldn't wait to get back home so he could go drinking with his friends and go to work.

Now he'd left Ichigo behind and damn if he didn't miss the little twit.

He smiled to himself.

Ichigo, the hot-headed little substitute shinigami with a will of steel and a heart of gold, always putting his friends and loved ones in the first room. Ridiculously similar to a fairytale knight, shining armour and everything, come to think of it. He'd have to remember that one. Yeah, he was sure that would fly when he relayed it. He'd get his ass kicked and that would give him an excuse to pin the kid down and ravage him.

Not that he actually needed an excuse for doing that, but he enjoyed the struggle. Fuck, there were not many things in the world that could compete with the sight of the orange haired boy struggling under him on the floor, face flushed from effort and excitement, eyes flashing with anger and lust and playfulness, all mixed into one.

Renji enjoyed leaning down then and bite down on Ichigo's throat, right over the Adams apple. Just hard enough to make the boy gasp, a simple show of dominance the way animals do it.

He enjoyed it because the reaction was always, _always_ the same. Ichigo tilted his head back and allowed him, submitting without protest. It was the only time Renji could think of when the power balance between them shifted so completely. Otherwise they fought and played as equals. As soon as he released Ichigo they were back to normal, but those short moments were precious like jewels to him.

Damn, he adored that boy. The sounds he made when Renji touched him, the trademark scowl that faded a little and left his brow almost smooth sometimes when he thought no one was watching, the way he bared his teeth in a feral grin before he came crashing down, Zangetsu held high above his head, crossing blades with Renji and then panting heavily as he took a flash step back, readying himself for the next attack.

The way he had taken to sucking on Renji's fingers whenever he let him.

Renji had never reflected on how orally oriented the boy was before they'd gotten intimate. Now he couldn't understand how he ever could have missed it.

How Ichigo chewed his pencils to splinters when he sat concentrated with his school books, how the couple of times Renji had been able to spend the night he had walked around with a piece of toast between his teeth at breakfast without actually eating it, how he bit his lip and gnawed on his knuckles when he was nervous.

Renji's personal favourite was the time he'd caught Ichigo chewing on the end of Zangetsu's hilt wrap, and the way his face had turned a brilliant shade of scarlet when he realised he'd been caught.

He'd never let Ichigo live that one down, that was for sure.

And now how he nibbled and suckled on Renji's fingertips whenever he could. It still sent a jolt of heat straight down to his groin every time Ichigo did it but somehow it was slowly turning into the normal state of things. The last week before Renji had to leave they'd often sat in silence with Renji's fingers lazily tracing sharp teeth and a supple tongue. It was getting to the point where they a couple of times had found themselves doing it in public and quickly had to pull apart, horrified.

Not to mention the fact the kid had gotten pretty damn good at giving head. The first time his eager-puppyness along with his good instincts made Renji blow his load faster than he had done in years. The second time he had really started exploring, taking his sweet time and that tongue of his was just _wicked._ He'd since then mapped out Renji's cock, learned every little sensitive spot and just the right amount of pressure and teeth and suction needed to drive his lover crazy.

And he loved come. Renji blushed, sitting all alone there in the little glade. Shit. Never in a million years... _Shit_. Kurosaki Ichigo liked it when Renji came in his mouth and liked it even more when they snowballed afterwards. That kinky little…

God, the first time he came, cradled in Renji's arms, how he had started licking his fingers clean afterwards with that pink little kitten tongue of his. The absolute and utter shock when Renji saw that, and then the searing lust replacing the shock… It had nearly killed him and he would have died a happy man if it had done so.

He couldn't wait to get back. To push his fingers back into that sweet mouth, to put Ichigo's legs on his shoulders and enter him for the first time and then fuck him all night, to kiss him, to touch him, to hold his hand, to just _see_ him. God, he wanted to see him.

_Fuck, Ichi, I miss you so much._

----

"Heard you're applying for another long term mission, Abarai-kun."

"Yeah. Figured all the info Soul Society has on the real world is ridiculously out of date."

"A research mission, then."

"Something like that."

"We've a whole division for that. Besides, doesn't sound very much like you. Do you have someone waiting for you on the other side?"

"…Yeah."

"Figured as much. Is it wonderboy?"

"Heh, he'd kill you if you called him that to his face, but yeah… It is. How did you know?"

"Honestly? Just a guess. Seemed logical he'd be the one you spend the most time with over there… He's just a child, Abarai-kun."

"I know…"

"You know, I can't recall the last time I saw that look on your face."

"What look?"

"Goofy. I mean, you always look goofy except when fighting, but goofy as in ridiculously happy goofy. Never thought the day would come when I asked you this but are you falling in love?"

"I- …I don't know. I think I maybe am."

"Falling in love with a human child, that's just like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've always been a fool."

"I take it you disapprove then."

"It's not my place to approve or disapprove of your lovelife."

"But you do."

"When have I been known to say things I don't mean? It's not my place to approve or disapprove. Do you understand?"

"Yes, captain."

"Don't call me that. Not here."

"I'm sorry, Shuuhei."

"I don't have much time to go out for drinks. Hell, I can't even be seen doing that anymore, not as a captain. But the few times I have… Me, Izuru, Matsumoto-chan, Ikkaku, Yumi… We've missed you, Renji. _I've_ missed you"

"I was only gone for a couple of months."

"And now you've applied for six more."

"Yeah."

"It'll be empty without you."

"What do you mean 'it'll'?"

"Kuchiki announced he approved of your mission at the captain's meeting this morning. He'll summon you later, I'm sure. See? There's that stupid smile again."

----

----

----

A/n: Wow, this chapter is all over the place. Short bursts of inspiration along with stuff I really wanted to tell while fighting off a writer's block sort of made it that way. I hope it's not too messy.

One more chapter after this, then I'm out.

Thanks everyone for all the alerts and favourites and killer-awesome comments and oh shit, I adore you all.

If you want to, do let me know what you think.

ALSO this is amazing! A sweetheart by the pen name of Miss_Geoffery_Chaucer wrote a companion fic to 'Of birds and bees' and I suggest you all read it. It gives us Rukia's take on things and takes place somewhere around chapter 4 in this fic.

It can be found at http:// www. fanfiction .net/s/5130330/1/ Forever_Unrequited

(Remove the spaces)

Thanks hon!


	9. The catch part 1

A/n - This is the last chapter. No, really. It's just so damn long I cut it into two to make it a bit easier to read. Shit, just the sex scene is over 8000 words long.

So yeah, beware of tons of smut and filthy language (and lotsa romance squeezed in between, in case sappy stuff squicks ya out.) Also, I never gave much for the seme/uke concept so if you're a hardcore follower of that, things might get a little weird for you.

The chapter is unbeta'd and I might replace it later on if there are just too many errors that need fixing.

I'm sorry this has taken so long, but enormous performance anxiety/writer's block combined with doing summery stuff ('cause apparently it is summer?) kinda slowed the process down.

But nevermind that, let's go out with a bang, shall we?

Bleach ain't mine.

-

Renji stepped through the gate connecting Soul Society with the real world, a bag slung over his shoulder. He savoured the feeling of being back in the real world, took in the smells and sounds of Karakura town by night as he made his way towards Urahara's shoten.

It felt weird being back, felt even weirder knowing he would be staying for so long this time. It felt good though, despite leaving his friends and colleagues behind.

Hisagi Shuuhei had tried his best to show Renji he would be missed by throwing him a not very big, but very wet party the night before.

He'd also spent most part of that night with his arm around Renji's neck, trying to convince the redhead to come back to his quarters with him. Trying to lure him in with the tip of his tongue trailing the outer rim of Renji's ear, with hushed promises and glances worthy a whore from the high-numbered Rukongai districts.

Really, a captain acting like a wanton hussy in public. Renji cringed when he thought about how it must have been for Shuuhei to go back to his duties. The rumours, the whispers, the sudden difficulties with being taken seriously.

That his former sempai had thrown himself at him didn't bother Renji much. Sure he would have liked to talk to his other friends a bit more, but he was used to handling a drunk, horny Shuuhei.

They'd been lovers in the past, a perfect no-strings-attached deal, none of them willing to invest time or effort into anything more than quick fucks.

Renji had broken it off years and years ago, though. He wasn't entirely sure why, really. The sex had been great.

He supposed it had mostly to do with him focusing all his determination and strength into surpassing Kuchiki Byakuya and proving himself worthy again to Rukia.

In hindsight he could see that everything but that struggle had lost its importance, drifted into the back of his mind.

Until last night Shuuhei had respected his decision. Well, except for a few times when he'd been a little too drunk, a little too frustrated, and had tapped the sixty-nine tattoo on his cheek with a fingertip accompanied by a leer hungry enough to make Renji blush like a little girl. But still, a 'no' had been all it took for him to back off at those occasions.

Last night it had been as if… As if the man suspected Renji would never be available again. As if he'd wanted just one last taste.

Maybe he sensed something Renji didn't. The thought made him shiver.

He grinned and picked up the pace, wanting to reach the dingy little shop as soon as possible so he could drop his bag off and go find the one who possibly would make him unavailable.

Seeing Urahara was something he wasn't looking forward to. The man pissed him off to no end, but this time it would be easy staying there, because it would only be for one night.

Before leaving Soul Society his captain had informed him that they kept a small apartment in Karakura for shinigami to use when being stationed there for a longer period of time.

He'd nearly thrown a hissy fit right then and there in front of the noble.

The last mission he'd been on… He'd spent _months_ being used and taunted by the mad shopkeeper and his freaks and _now_ he was being told there was an apartment? But he'd bowed his head and kept his mouth shut, trying to forget past torments and look forward to what was coming.

Since it was late in the evening, he wouldn't be able to pick up the keys until the morning after and so he was forced to spend the night at Urahara's. The night. One night. He grinned, his steps even lighter than they had already been. The shop was already in sight.

Urahara welcomed him by smacking him hard in the face with his closed fan. "Abarai-_kun_." He smiled that unnerving smile of his. "We've missed you."

Renji blinked. "What the fuck, old man!"

"You could at least have sent us a postcard." He smacked Renji again.

"Ow! What the hell are you-"

"Some of us would have liked a life sign from you."

Understanding dawned on Renji's face. "He… Is he ok?"

When Urahara smacked him this time it was thinly disguised as him simply unfolding the fan with Renji just happening to stand in the way, nearly taking his eye out. He turned his back on the redhead and walked towards the back of the shop, dismissing him with the flick of a wrist. "Find out for yourself. He's probably out patrolling, has been doing that a lot lately."

"Thanks, I guess…" Renji rubbed the spot where the fan had hit, a scowl tightening his features.

-

It started as a tingle at the base of Ichigo's skull. He told himself he had imagined it, squashed the feeling down before hope had a chance to follow it.

Another tingle. His pulse sped up. He cursed and got to his feet, readying himself to take off, to start moving and keep moving until he was too tired to continue, just like he had done almost every night for weeks now.

Damn him for getting his hopes up, even if it was just for a second. One second was too much. One second would lead to two when he finally slipped into his bed right before dawn. And two seconds would turn into three and then into a minute followed by many more. In the end it would rob him of the couple of hours of sleep he usually managed to catch before school.

But something kept him from leaping off the roof he was standing on. He stood frozen, waiting for something he was sure wouldn't come, every muscle in his body tense as bowstrings.

_There_.

Warm reiatsu, regular bursts of it. Signalling. The hibernating butterflies in his belly suddenly woke up and started fluttering so wildly he felt as if he was about to throw up.

He looked around, somehow having managed to forget where he was, and scooped out his surroundings. No people anywhere near from what he could see. It should be safe.

He flared all out for a moment, then kept the release of his reiatsu strong and level.

_I'm here... C'mon, I'm here._

It could only have taken a couple of minutes, but it felt like hours, like years, like lifetimes, before he saw something moving far away. A tiny shadow growing quickly, turning into the shape of a person.

Then there was a flash of red and black and he found himself on his back on the hard concrete with the air knocked out of him. A wave of kisses wet his face and neck, arms squeezed the final gust of air from his lungs, spiky hair tickled his nose and all he could do was stare up at the night sky, then at the handsome face finally coming to a halt and staring back.

"Baby."

Eager lips crushed his, begged for entrance and suddenly he found himself able to act again. He put his palms on broad shoulders and pushed as hard as he could, making the body on top of him tumble away. He stayed on his back, went back to staring up at the night sky, at the stars littering the black expanse, and tried to fill his lungs with oxygen. The world spun, along with his thoughts. It felt as if his brain had been squeezed just as hard as his chest.

"Ichigo..?"

It was then he rolled onto his side and started to cough, hiding his mouth in the crook of his arm.

"Oh shit, baby, I'm sorry!" Renji scrambled up to him on all fours and put his hand on his back. "Too eager."

"Fuck, Renji," Ichigo wheezed. "What are you, a dog?"

The redhead grinned, looking relieved. "So they keep telling me." He reached out and helped Ichigo up into a sitting position.

Ichigo looked at Renji, _saw_ him. There he was, bigger than Ichigo remembered him for some reason, all smiles, reddish eyes almost sparkling. He looked… He looked absolutely amazing.

Ichigo's heart did somersaults in his chest, his hands shook. Renji sat in front of him. He was real and he sat right in front of him. He was back. He was real. He had kissed Ichigo. "Renji…"

"I've missed you so fucking much, Ichigo. You've no idea."

This time it was Ichigo who knocked Renji over and straddled him. He dug his fingers into red, red hair and smashed their lips together.

They kissed for a long time, grabbing each other wherever they could reach and sighing into each other's mouths, only coming up for air when it felt as if they were about to pass out.

All the insecurities melted away, the disappointment and anger and sorrow following close behind. Still Ichigo almost felt like crying, but it was because Renji _was there with him_. He managed to pull away, to untangle his fingers and sit back up.

Renji looked up at him with hazy eyes, his cheeks flushed. "Fuck, baby…"

"I've missed you too. A, ah, a lot. It's- I'm glad you're back."

"I'll be here for a while too. A new mission, six months."

"You'll stay here for six… Really?"

Renji nodded, grinned. He ran his hands up and down Ichigo's sides.

"What kind of mission? I thought you said they didn't want vice captains here." Ichigo smiled back, even as his frown deepened.

"Ah, fuck. I just came up with this bullshit idea, anything to get back here. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I'm here on a research mission, to update Soul Society's databases on the living world. They're pretty pathetic."

"Sounds like something you're overqualified for."

"I know, right? That's why I nearly fell on my ass when I was told Kuchiki approved. I mean, I really worked on the application, went through the existing data and looked for errors even me, being an idiot on the subject, could point out, and wrote a lot about what I wanted to accomplish. But still. You know..." Renji paused, laughed. "…the final thing the stuck-up bastard said before I left was that he didn't have any use for such an idiotic absent-minded vice captain and that he hoped I would have regained my sanity when I returned. I should've been hurt or something but it kinda felt like he was giving me his blessing." He shook his head, still grinning like an idiot. "So you're working for me now."

"What?!"

"What, you think I'll be able to do this on my own? I need someone to show me all the things that need updating. The captain expects me to bring back a fucking book on the subject. We've a lot of work to do."

"Forget it."

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun! They won't pay you or anything but, you know…" He waggled his eyebrows. "I will."

Ichigo smiled crookedly and let out something between a snort and a chuckle. "We'll see, ok?"

"Good enough for me." Renji rose and leaned back on his elbows. "So, how you been, baby?"

The smile on Ichigo's face faded. He looked to the side.

"That bad, huh…"

"It's nothing. I've been just fine."

"You already forgot I can tell when you're lying?" Renji pushed himself up and wrapped his arms around the boy's waist, let his chin rest where neck met shoulder.

Ichigo in turn sighed and put his arms around Renji's neck. He closed his eyes. "Yeah, must've forgotten already. But I _have_ been fine. I've just… missed you. A lot."

"'M sorry…"

"What for?"

"For being away for so long."

"That's not your fault, is it?"

"No. Guess you're right. I just wish I could've been back here sooner."

"You're here now."

It was just quiet murmurs, hushed voices. Heavy breaths and beating hearts. Many words unspoken but enough said. Slowly Ichigo relaxed again, allowed himself to feel all the things that had haunted him for the past two months, but now without drowning in them. He was being held. He had missed it so much and now it was happening. Renji held him. He allowed himself to feel that too, to drown in it. The murmurs died out and they sat in silence for a long, long while before Ichigo spoke up again.

"Are you going back to Urahara's later?"

"Yeah, I've a bone or two to pick with that fucker. Only staying the night, though."

"Why only tonight? Where will you stay after that?"

Renji pulled back a little, enough to be able to look at Ichigo. He grinned. "That's the sweet part. Know what they've forgotten to tell me every time I've been here on a mission?"

"What."

"They own a fucking apartment, just for shinigami on long-term missions."

Ichigo's eyebrows shot up, the usual frown gone entirely for a second.

"Yep. I'll be having my very own place, baby. I've no idea of what it looks like. Might just be a closet or something, I wouldn't put it past them. Anyways, I'll be able to pick up the keys tomorrow."

"Where is it?"

Renji waved his arm in some sort of general direction. "Somewhere… Downtown, I think. I don't really care, Karakura ain't that big."

"So, you'll be living alone?"

A leer spread slowly across Renji's face. "Yep. All alone."

"That's… cool." Ichigo smirked.

"Mhm. You have to come see it with me tomorrow."

"I've school, but you could meet me afterwards?"

"It's a plan. Hey, if you've school tomorrow, how come you're up this late?"

"Ah… I've had trouble sleeping lately. I usually patrol so I don't have to lie awake in bed all night." Ichigo straightened a little and slid off Renji's lap. He got to his feet and looked up at the sky.

"How long you've had trouble sleeping, baby?"

"Dunno…" The teen shuffled his feet, kicked a non-existent rock. He shoved his hands into the opposite sleeves of his robes.

"I… Shit, this sounds so stupid but… since I left?"

Ichigo nodded, refusing to look down at his lover.

"Oh, Ichigo…" Renji stood up and crossed his arms, not really knowing what to do with them. "You get any sleep at all?"

"Sure, a couple of hours a night. It's really nothing, Renji, it's just stupid. I'm weak."

"I thought you were through with that shit. 'Weak' this, 'weak' that. Fuck that. At least save it for when you're actually weak, not for stuff that has nothing to do with weakness." He unfolded his arms and grabbed a lean shoulder. "I haven't really slept well either, you know."

The teen looked down at the tan hand, then up at the face frowning at him. "Yeah?"

"Not when I haven't kept myself busy. The last couple of weeks were pretty bad, I just wanted to come back here." Renji released Ichigo and busied himself with his hair, redoing the ponytail and straightening the bandana. He sighed. "Listen… Stop beating yourself up because of how you feel, alright?" He was offered a small, not entirely sincere smile and a deepened scowl. Sometimes it felt as if Ichigo's constant scowl was contagious. The thought made him frown even more.

"I'll try..."

"Try really hard."

"Ok."

"Think you'll be able to sleep tonight?"

Ichigo nodded while reaching up with his arms and stretching his back, a couple of joints popping loudly. He turned to fully face Renji. "Yeah. You're here now, aren't you?"

The redhead smiled, relaxed his brow. "I ain't going nowhere, baby. Maybe you should head on home then, get some good sleep for once. We'll get together tomorrow and check out that apartment. Heh, I'm getting nervous, you know? I _really_ wouldn't put it past the brass in Seireitei to just rent some tiny storage closet. Shit… Well, anything's better than the shoten."

"I've spent some time there while you were gone, just talking. He's not _that_ bad, Renji."

"Did he make you clean and do errands every waking minute, while constantly calling you a freeloader?"

"No…"

"Then you know nothing about how evil that man is."

Ichigo grinned and put his hands up. "Alright, alright... You know, maybe I should do like you said. Head home, I mean. I could really use some sleep."

"I think you should."

"What about you?"

"I'll do the same." The shinigami swept his lover into a big hug and kissed his nose. "Feels good to be back."

Ichigo wrinkled his nose before tilting his head back and giving Renji a proper kiss, although a rather chaste one, breaking it off after only a moment. "I'm glad you are. Pick me up tomorrow, I get off at four."

"Will do."

They parted with a final peck on the lips and flash stepped away in different directions.

Ichigo did sleep well.

-

The day after in school he was jittery and unfocused. He realised at lunch time that he hadn't heard a word anyone had said, not a single thing had stuck. He hoped he'd at least nodded at the appropriate places, appeared as if he was present, but he really had no idea. All he could think of, all he wanted was for the clock to strike four, for the redhead to stand at the school gates ready to pick him up.

He nearly slapped himself. It had been one day, one fucking day, and Renji was already the centre of his universe, just like he'd been right before and long after he'd left for Soul Society, when Ichigo had itched and mourned, spending what felt like every second thinking about his absent lover.

He had to get a fucking grip.

Still, at four o'clock he gathered his things in record time and more or less ran from the classroom, taking the stairs in a couple of flying steps and not stopping until he was at the door. There he _did_ slap himself, much to the surprise of the other students milling about.

He took a couple of deep breaths and walked out into the yard, school bag slung nonchalantly over his shoulder, chin jutting out defiantly.

And there Renji was, leaning against a gate post with his arms crossed, wearing baggy trackies, an oversized hoodie and a big stupid grin.

"Hey, kid."

"Hey…" Ichigo was annoyed with how breathless he sounded, chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to resist taking Renji in his arms and kiss him senseless. "Let's go."

"Nice to see you too." The shinigami chuckled, let his hand brush Ichigo's for just a second and then started walking.

"So where's the apartment?"

"Not far from here. Maybe a fifteen minute walk? It's really nice! Couldn't hope for anything better. It's small, but… not? Doesn't make any sense, I know. Got two rooms besides kitchen and bathroom but still feels really cramped, you know? Doesn't matter, it's still nice." His enthusiasm drew a smile from the boy.

The second they'd reached their destination, climbed the stairs and shut the door behind them, Renji pinned Ichigo against the wall and attacked his mouth, drawing a long moan from the teen, but he kept the kiss short. "I wanted to do that the moment I saw you today but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been appreciated." He grinned, released Ichigo and instead grabbed his wrist. "C'mon. Plenty of time for fooling around later." But before even having taken a step he turned back around and faced the now slightly flushed Ichigo. "More than just fool around… You know-" Renji wet his lips, his cheeks heating up as well. "Shit, I… I'm… There's no one to disturb us here, we could just… I could just drag you into the bedroom and fuck you silly. If we… wanted."

Ichigo punched him in the shoulder, hard. "Don't- Don't just say it like that. It's- It's...."

They stared at each other, nearly twitching with the need to head straight for the bedroom.

Finally Ichigo rubbed his forehead with a sigh. "This is awkward."

"Yeah. I'm sorry, baby. Honestly. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's just…. having you here, knowing we're all alone. It does funny things to me, you know? Damn, let's just look at the place." He shook his head and put on a grin.

It was strange seeing Renji move around in the apartment, waving his arms and pointing things out. He looked huge in it, as if he just barely fit, but he seemed happy and it rubbed off on Ichigo, who smiled and tried not to walk into things as they moved between the rooms.

It really was nice, just like he had said. It was clean and light and had everything he'd need. It was all just very small. Everything in it was tiny. Tiny kitchen, tiny western style table and chairs, tiny living room, tiny bathroom, tiny shower, tiny bedroom and… a not so tiny western style bed. Ichigo's heart started beating faster when he saw it and it made him feel incredibly stupid.

He ended up leaning against the bedroom wall, looking at the bed. It would fit two persons perfectly if they slept close enough. It… Oh, god, it was Renji's bed in Renji's apartment and Renji was going to fuck him on that bed.

He shivered and then jumped as the man in question suddenly stood next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and kissing the crown of his skull.

"Didn't mean to scare you, kid."

"It's alright."

"You know, I think I'll like it here. It's got a TV and everything. All I need to do now is buy some groceries." The big redhead grinned, let Ichigo go and sunk down on the bed. "Let me make you dinner tonight. Stay the night, baby."

The teen flattened his hands against the wall behind him, wanted to claw it, grip it somehow to not push off and join Renji on the bed. "We'll see." He cleared his throat, suddenly unable to swallow properly. "I mean, dinner sounds great but I dunno if I can stay over."

"You don't have school tomorrow, do you?"

"No, but… You know…"

Renji tilted his head to the side, looking intently at Ichigo.

"It's too soon."

"Oh."

"I mean-"

"Hey, no. No, Ichigo, it's no problem. I mean, you could just stay over without us doing anything. I'd love that. Really. It would be so sweet to just be able to sleep next to you." He groaned. "Fuck, I could just punch myself for saying that shit earlier. I didn't mean to-"

"I really want to. It's not that."

Renji closed his eyes, took a deep breath. "Yeah, me too." He sighed and got to his feet, closed the distance between them and swept Ichigo into his arms, resting his chin on the top of his head. "Maybe we should get out of here for a while, take a walk or something."

Ichigo nodded with his face pressed against the hoodie, the heady smell of Renji making him a little light-headed. "I'm sorry for making this all kinds of weird."

There was a snort. "Nah, it was me making this all weird. Seems I get a little crazy when you're here. Let's just forget about it. We'll go out and you can show me some stupid human stuff I haven't seen already and we'll grab something to eat." He released Ichigo and took a step back, big hands grabbing his shoulders. "Hey, it'd be like a date! We've never really had one of those, have we?"

"I've never really had a date ever. It doesn't have to include flowers and stuff, right?"

Renji chuckled and ruffled the orange mop of hair. "My little Ichigo, all grown up and going on his first date. Flowers shouldn't be necessary, no."

"Fuck off," the teen scoffed, brushing Renji's hands off. "I wasn't serious about the flowers, you idiot. And you can forget about the date."

"But you'll still go out and grab some food and then do something stupid and preferably fun with me?"

"Yeah."

Renji just smirked.

When they were about to part later that night, Renji was carrying a small, red plush dog Ichigo had won for him in a claw crane at the local arcade.

Totally not a date at all.

The redhead leaned in and stole a quick kiss. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll come over tomorrow evening."

"Really?"

"Really. Goodnight, Renji."

"Night, baby."

-

When Ichigo arrived at Renji's place the evening after he carried a little tote bag containing a toothbrush and a change of clothes. It was slightly disturbing to see how ridiculously happy Renji looked when he peeked into the bag but it somehow made it easier for the teen to keep his own cool. He'd already spent most part of his day in a daze.

They hadn't slept together for… too long.

It was tempting to head straight for the bed, they nearly did, but in the end Renji pushed him down into a kitchen chair and started preparing a late dinner instead.

Ichigo watched him whip up a meal, as always a little surprised at how good the man was at it and as always wondering why it surprised him. Maybe it was simply because he himself was such a kitchen retard, spoiled with his sister cooking every meal for him.

It was a simple meal, vegetables and beef and noodles, and it was delicious. He made sure to tell Renji so, patting his belly with a happy little sigh and sliding down in his chair, nearly falling on his ass before remembering how damn _tiny_ the piece of furniture was.

"Glad you liked it. Means you'll gladly do the dishes, yeah?"

Ichigo was too content to even scoff at that. "Sure. I'll get to it in a little while."

"Thanks. It's nice to have you here by the way, to be able to cook for you. I kinda like taking care of you."

"You sound like Yuzu."

"Yeah well, I can't think of a better person to be compared with. I'm not saying you all didn't pitch in but to me it seems a little like she was the one taking the brunt of keeping the family together after your mom passed away. I mean-"

Ichigo nodded, scratched his arm. "No, you're right. She's been doing that for so long we all take everything she does for granted. Not cool. Maybe I should just have you take over her chores." He grinned.

Renji snorted. "Dream on, kid." He got to his feet and started clearing the table.

"You seem kinda off."

"Yeah?" Renji looked over his shoulder at Ichigo, raising a brow.

Ichigo shrugged. "Dunno… All serious somehow."

"Oh. No, it's just a little strange having you here, having a _here_ at all. Nice, but a little strange. I think it has finally started to sink in that I'm back."

The teen got out of his chair and stood behind Renji, who was rinsing the bowls and plates off in the sink. He flattened his chest against the broad back, let his forehead rest between the shoulder blades. "I thought I was supposed to do the dishes," he muttered into Renji's shirt.

The shinigami leaned his head back with a chuckle, his hair tickling Ichigo's ear. "You are, but I can think of better things to do first. I just wanted to rinse 'em off."

"Oh yeah?" Tan arms wrapped themselves around a strong waist, slender hips pushing just a little bit forward.

"Yeah... You're still staying the night, right?"

Ichigo nodded, got up on his toes and pressed his lips against Renji's neck. "What, you don't want me to?" he teased, his voice a little rougher than it had been a moment ago.

Renji untangled Ichigo's arms from around his waist, grabbed a hand and slid it down, pushing it against the front of his jeans. "Guess…"

"Fuck…"

"If you ask nicely." The redhead grinned, waited for a blow that never came.

"Please?"

It was Ichigo's turn to grin at the long string of curses that followed. He didn't have time to come up with a clever taunt before he was yanked by his arm and dragged towards the bedroom.

Once inside the small room Renji released him and instead grabbed his face with hands shaking so lightly it was barely possible to tell. But they did. "Did I take you too literally? 'Cause I'm ready to do this, if you are."

Ichigo shook his head, suddenly finding himself unable to speak, struck by the enormity of it all.

"No, you need to talk to me now, baby. Do you want this? Do you want to have sex with me?"

It sounded so crude when said like that and it nearly made Ichigo whimper. He cleared his throat, desperately trying to find his voice. He wanted to shout. Yes, yes, _yes_! _I want this, I want you, I want it all, the whole fucking package! _"Yeah," he croaked.

"Ichi, I need more than a 'yeah'."

"I want this. I… I've thought about this every day since you left, _before_ you left. We talked about it… Just… Let's just…" He fisted the front of Renji's shirt. There were too many words. They stuck.

The older man stayed still, watching the boy's face carefully and rubbing his almost-not-shaking thumbs over his cheeks.

"Let's just fucking do this," he finally managed to force out and was rewarded with a shaky exhale and newly wetted lips brushing against his.

One minute they were kissing, standing in the middle of the tiny room, the next they were on the bed on their knees and facing each other, arms tangled around each other.

Ichigo couldn't recall their mouths having parted for even a second while they had moved.

They kept kissing. They sucked, bit, licked. Devoured each other's mouths and shared their breaths. Renji held Ichigo so tight he thought he heard a rib crack.

He pulled away, gasping for air. "Want… this. B-but slower. Ok?"

"Fuck yes, of course it's ok. Of course, baby. We've all the time in the world." Renji ran a hand down Ichigo's chest before sitting down properly on the bed, crossing his legs and resting his hands in his lap. "You've any idea of how hot you look right now?"

Ichigo, suddenly extremely conscious of himself, blushed and looked down. "S-shut up." He tried to reign in the onslaught of emotions, sort them out, but they all spun in his head. He felt so _young_. So young and so… confused and… a bit upset, reminded of all the times he'd fantasised about Renji while the shinigami was gone, and reminded of the crushing loneliness that had followed after he'd come.

He tried to shake the feeling off and looked up, saw Renji gnaw on his bottom lip, his cheeks pink and his eyes dark. If he looked anything like the man in front of him he _did_ look really hot right now.

Renji smiled, wiped sweaty palms off on his thighs and then reached up and dragged a thumb over Ichigo's bottom lip, the other fingers curling around the strong chin. "You do, trust me." He pushed gently and let out a quiet little groan as the digit slipped into the wet mouth.

He watched Ichigo's cheeks hollow, bit back a gasp when the talented tongue started tickling the pad of his thumb. He drew back, painted puffy lips with a thin coat of saliva and then pushed back in. This time he forced himself to look away, to look the boy in the eye instead.

Ichigo's gaze was unwavering. Aroused, yes, but also slightly cryptic. There was something heavy in those brown eyes, a faint hint of pain and it made Renji remove his thumb, suck it into his own mouth for a brief moment and then lean in for another kiss.

He could taste the pain in the kiss as well, an added note of desperation that made his heart clench and start beating just a little bit faster. Just how much had Ichigo hurt in his absence? He squashed the thought down, grabbed Ichigo by the neck and gave him what his eyes and mouth asked for, gave the kiss that rough edge he understood his lover needed.

So he wanted to forget. Renji could do that.

He could help him forget and give him new things to remember

They started to shed their clothes, garment after garment dropping to the floor.

When Renji was down to his briefs he paused. "I have to get out of this gigai. As good as it feels to be touched in it, it's still… too tight somehow."

"Urahara hasn't given you a better fit after all these years?"

"Pft. The man hates me, remember?"

"Just… just put it in the other room. I refuse to do anything with the body of another you around."

Renji snickered and got to his feet, ruffling Ichigo's hair before leaving the room.

When he returned he was wearing his full shinigami uniform. "Well, this is a bitch. Now I have to undress all over again." He leaned Zabimaru against a wall and once more started working on his clothes, deft fingers quickly undoing knots and bindings.

Ichigo scooted back on the bed, leaned against the wall and watched as the big man stripped in front of him, finding himself unable to hold his hand back from sliding down over his erection, cupping it through his boxers and rubbing gently. He didn't really mind that those clothes needed to come off too.

Renji kept his eyes locked on him the entire time. They were just narrow slits but Ichigo felt the gaze burn him, felt his blush spread from his cheeks down the neck and tint his chest.

When the last garment fell to the floor with a hiss, Renji just stood there in all his naked, tattooed glory. He copied Ichigo's movements, cupped his hand over his cock and squeezed lightly.

"Renji…"

"What is it, baby?"

"Here… Come here… Don't just… Fuck."

He obeyed and crawled up on top of Ichigo, looming over him like some big, sleek predator. "Now what?"

Ichigo managed a smile. "You tell me, you're the expert." He reached up and ran his hands over Renji's shoulders, down his arms and back up again, when something suddenly struck him. "Wait. We, uh… L-lube?"

The redhead grinned, dipped his head and placed a wet kiss on Ichigo's cheek. "All taken care of. I kinda figured I'd be too stupid and you'd be too shy to buy some around here, so I brought some from Soul Society."

He got off the bed again, rummaged through a bag on the floor and came up with a small glass jar. "Here… Not a lube really, it's a salve that's good for… something, I forget what it is. It's mostly known as the stuff you use when you need to slick things up." He chuckled. "It's popular back home. Mildly antiseptic, doesn't get all sticky, easy to wash off. Smells good too. Here." Renji screwed the lid off and held the jar up to Ichigo's nose.

Ichigo sniffed with his nose wrinkled, automatically sceptical when the redhead said he liked something, but it did smell good. Fresh, somehow. He dipped a finger in the milky goo, rubbed it against his thumb.

It was slick without being oily. From what he could tell it would be perfect, but what the hell did he know. "Cool." He watched as Renji screwed the lid back on and put the jar down beside him on the bed.

"Take your boxers off, Ichigo."

A couple of minutes later Ichigo was panting, tugging at a red, spiky ponytail, his toes curling as Renji sucked him down as deep as he could, working his cock with such skill and precision Ichigo came soon thereafter, whining and bucking into Renji's mouth.

They kissed, sharing his come between them, and Ichigo didn't even have time to go entirely soft before he started to grow hard again.

He felt… ready. As ready as he would ever get and he felt his patience wear thin, his need to take it slow melt away. He wanted. He _needed_.

Renji looked at him so intently Ichigo nearly had to avert his eyes, showing that almost uncanny knack he had for reading Ichigo's thoughts. "You sure you're ready for this?"

"Yeah…"

"Then lie down on your belly, baby. Let's do that proper warm up we've talked about."

He nodded.

Once on his stomach, Renji climbed on top of him, straddling his thighs.

He started running his hands over the lean back, pushing down with his thumbs and digging his knuckles into the muscles. "Relax… That orgasm should've made you weak as a kitten but man, these muscles are rock hard. Something bothering you? Wanna slow down?"

"It's just… I- I don't know if I'm comfortable with your fingers down there. Can't we just..?" Ichigo had fantasised about it so many times by now, but fantasies and actually _doing_ _it_ were suddenly two very different things.

"Without any stretching? Oh, I don't know, Ichigo. I'm not exactly small and I don't want to risk any tearing."

"If we go really slow?"

"We could, but… Not your first time. Um… Wait."

Ichigo felt Renji shift on top of him and then slide off, large hands cupping his ass and spreading him open and _oh_… "W-wait, you can't-"

"Shh baby, at least give it a try."

And then Renji's tongue was there, tickling and teasing and gently prying him open and it was so soft and wet and he'd had no idea of how _sensitive_ he was down there and oh god it felt amazing. "Renji…"

He only got a soft grunt in reply, followed by an obscene wet sound that made him cringe and roll his hips at the same time.

The thick, wicked tongue slid inside him as deep as it could go, Renji's lips pressed against his entrance, and as he was slowly kissed and fucked open something was happening by his hip, right where the little jar of salve was**, **but he couldn't quite get into his head what was going on.

Then suddenly the tongue was gone with a finger replacing it, slowly sliding all the way in. That sneaky bastard.

"Feels ok?"

Ichigo hid his face in the crook of his arm, blushing violently. "Yeah. I-I think so." He grunted as Renji pulled his finger out to the first knuckle and then pushed back in.

"So nice and tight around my finger, Ichi," Renji mumbled, sounding dazed. "I can't even imagine how you'll feel around my cock."

"Oh god… Oh. God. More."

"Fuck, baby…" Renji kept fucking Ichigo slowly with his finger and dipped his head to place a wet, open-mouthed kiss on a firm cheek. "More? You want another finger?"

Ichigo didn't trust his voice, he just nodded and bit down on a knuckle, accidentally breaking the skin when Renji started easing a second finger in. "Fuck!" The voice he'd been right not to trust cracked embarrassingly.

Renji froze. "Shit, did I hurt you? Should I-"

"No… Fuck. No." The teen sucked on the cut, the taste of copper filling his mouth. "I bit myself," he grumbled.

"You… bit..?"

"Just… shut up." He heard Renji stifle a laugh and scowled. It was bad enough yelping like a kid who just hit puberty because of a tiny cut. It was even worse having a finger up your ass while doing it. He buried his face in the pillow with a groan.

"This is good, baby. All that pesky sexual tension, it's-"

"Shut. Up."

"Alright, alright. How 'bout I try and distract you instead…" Renji crooked his fingers a little and gently pushed down. "Feel that?"

Ichigo gasped, humiliation pushed to the back of his mind in an instant. "Yeah..."

"That's your prostate, that 'magic spot' that makes you see stars, remember?" He grinned, rubbed lightly. "How does it feel?"

"I dunno… It's like my entire crotch… It feels _heavier_. Like…_ Damn._" He started panting. "I've no idea. Just …no stars, no fucking stars…_" _

Renji grin grew wider. "But still good..?"

"Fuck yes. Makes me… I want you, Renji. Enough fingers."

The redhead cursed softly. He removed his fingers after a few gentle thrusts and pulled away, sitting back on his heels and wiping his hand off on the sheets before grabbing the little jar again. "You sure?"

Ichigo only nodded into the pillow.

This was it. This was the moment he'd been waiting for, for so long now. The moment he'd dreamed of both while sleeping and fully awake. He bit his lip. It felt as if his heart was about to crack his ribs, as if his blood was boiling.

Behind him Renji dipped a couple of fingers in the salve and scooped up a large dollop. He carefully coated his cock with it, slow strokes from base to tip, while looking down at his lover, at the shivering, smooth back already covered in a light sheen of sweat. "Ready?" he murmured and wiped his hand, now trembling, off again.

"Yeah..."

-

End of part one. Nothing to see here, move along to part two, people!


	10. The catch part 2

Renji shifted on top of Ichigo, braced himself against the bed with one hand, the other wrapped tightly around his cock and angling it. He leaned down, pushed his hips forward, brushing the head against Ichigo's opening. "Fuck… I've… I've wanted this for so long now, I can't believe I'm finally- Shit…" He leaned down further, let the weight of his body make him push into Ichigo slowly, oh so slowly, inch by thick inch.

Once inside Renji stilled, giving Ichigo time to adjust. For a couple of long minutes all that could be heard in the room was heavy breathing.

Ichigo shifted on the bed. It didn't hurt, didn't burn or sting, it was just this somewhat uncomfortable feeling and it felt… It felt really, really weird. He felt full and stretched and it was kinda nice but oh, it felt even weirder when Renji started pulling back out. He bit his wrist and stared at the wall in front of him, sort of stunned.

Renji must've sensed how he tensed up because when he sank back in he covered Ichigo's body with his own and rested his chin on Ichigo's shoulder. "You ok? Hurts?"

"I'm, uh… I'm ok. No, it doesn't hurt. It just feels, uh… funny." He felt Renji exhale against his neck, a silent chuckle.

"Here I was, expecting to make you see stars and fireworks. Rock your world, you know?" The big man shook his head, another chuckle. "I'm a total failure."

Ichigo felt a grin tug at the corners of his mouth. "Must've been so long since last time that you lost your touch."

Renji actually smacked Ichigo on the back of the head. "Watch your mouth, brat." There they were, sweaty and hard, the older of the two buried balls-deep in the other for the first time, squabbling like children_._

"Hey, _ow_!" Ichigo made a face. "Ow…" he repeated, having tensed up even more from the blow and suddenly being reminded of how large Renji was inside him.

"Ah, fuck." Renji sounded very much as if he was trying to hold back a laugh. "I'm so sorry, baby. Just relax. I'll show you who's lost their touch." He bit down over the nape of Ichigo's neck so gently it was hardly a bite at all, and let his tongue slide over the salty skin. "I'll show you exactly how good it feels to be fucked..." His voice sank into a low rumble, the light tone suddenly gone. "…hard." He pulled out slowly, halfway, and held still. "Need a moment to adjust again?"

The sound of Renji's voice alone made Ichigo quiver and he wouldn't have been able to take that moment even if he wanted to. "No."

"Alright, then." Renji thrust back in, harder than he'd done before and this time it didn't feel weird, it felt _really fucking good_ and it forced something between a grunt and a moan from Ichigo.

That sound was all it took for Renji to start fucking him.

And he kept fucking him, kept drawing those little grunts from him by keeping a steady pace and biting him all over his neck and shoulders, sucking and licking the marks as he went. "Want it harder?"

"God yes, please…"

"Since you're asking so very nicely… Ah, shit, so fucking _tight_!" Renji groaned while slowing down and then straightened himself up. Hands slid from beside Ichigo's shoulders down to his waist, drawing shivers and sighs from the boy, before clamping down and pushing him down hard on the bed. There they kept him pinned tightly as Renji shifted inside him before tattooed hips snapped forward, slammed into Ichigo's prone body, and sharp, white teeth bared themselves in a snarl.

The boy screamed into the pillow.

"Fuck yes! That's it… Just like that. You scream for me, baby, and I'll keep fucking your tight ass." He continued doing just that, doing his best to fuck Ichigo into the mattress, making him cry out over and over.

It was raw and frenzied, perhaps even too much so, but Ichigo didn't care. He clawed the sheets, grabbed handfuls of it and nearly tore the fabric apart, being fucked so hard he finally had to let the sheets go and brace himself against the headboard to keep from bumping his head into it. He made all the delicious sounds Renji had come to love, grunted and groaned, whimpered and moaned, yelped, gasped, wailed, egging Renji on without uttering one single word.

"Fuck, Ichigo… You're driving me crazy. I can't… I can't keep this up much longer. I'll come." Renji was forcing out the words between laboured breaths. "I… I wanna see you, see your face." He slowed down and finally came to a stop, gingerly pulling out before dropping down onto Ichigo's back, covering him with his larger frame. His heart was racing, every beat felt against Ichigo's back. "Fuck…" He raked sweaty orange hair with shaky fingers, planted a row of sloppy kisses from shoulder to jaw. "You're amazing," he murmured. "The sounds you make… Will you… get on your back for me after I've caught my breath for a moment? Let me fuck you face to face?"

"Yes… Fuck yes." Ichigo was hoarse, his throat aching slightly from shouting. His entire body felt as if it was throbbing, his cock and ass most of all. "But let me turn around now, ok?" He got up on his elbows despite the heavy body on top of him.

"Sure, baby. Of course." Renji sat up and slid off Ichigo completely. He grabbed a corner of the rumpled sheet and, it being stained and damp already, wiped himself off with it. His entire body was flushed, sweat running down his chest and neck, even dripping from his nose as he bent down and ran a hand over Ichigo's back.

The teen rolled onto his back with a grunt and just laid there for a moment, staring at the ceiling and trying to slow his pulse down a little. So this was what it felt like to be fucked. Although it had been more than a little strange at first it was more than anything he'd ever dreamed of, so much more. None of the fantasies, none of the wet dreams could even compare to the feeling. Being pinned to the mattress, hearing Renji groan and growl, feeling so fucking _full_… He was glad he'd come to terms with who he was, with the fact he would probably never want a girl. He was glad he'd come out of the goddamn closet, at least to himself.

And Renji, of course.

And oh, Urahara too, but he really didn't want to think about the shopkeeper right now.

He looked over at his lover, watched him wipe the sweat from his brow, release what little hair was left in the ponytail and tie it all back up again. He was so _beautiful_.

Ichigo's insides tingled. He really was beautiful. And Ichigo was so much in love it hurt.

Renji looked up, met his gaze and held it with his hooded, slightly slanted eyes and suddenly Ichigo's insides weren't just tingling, they were burning. It must have shown because Renji put his hands on Ichigo's thighs and gently pushed them apart.

He proceeded by crawling between them and leaned down with his hands on either side of Ichigo's head. With a dip of his head he caught swollen lips with his own, nipping them to make them part and once granted access he kissed him so deep, so sweet, Ichigo nearly sobbed into his mouth.

It was as if he was trying to convey everything he'd slowly come to realise he felt for the boy, all the things he didn't dare or didn't know how to put into words, trying to cram it all into one kiss.

He straightened out on top of Ichigo, ran his fingers through orange hair, smoothed them over a perpetual frown, let the tips tickle downy sideburns, all while he kept licking and nipping, etching his feelings into the young mouth.

Ichigo felt so good beneath him, their hard bodies a perfect fit, ridge against groove, length against slick length. He rocked his hips and sucked down moan upon moan.

It took him all his strength to pull away, to rise on his elbows and look down at the blushing sweaty face beneath him and not dive right back in for more. "I need…" His voice cracked. "I need to be back inside you again, baby."

He growled low in his throat when Ichigo replied by grabbing his wrist and sucking three fingers into his mouth, fucking the space between the digits with that wicked tongue of his and chewing lightly where he could reach as he sucked them in deep enough for the tips to tickle the back of his throat. There was a searing, almost daring glint in the auburn eyes, in stark contrast to the rather gentle moment they'd just shared.

When Ichigo pulled away, the fingers were dripping and glistening and his mouth was a wet mess. "Then c'mon." His voice was thick, choked.

Sometimes it was impossible to comprehend this was the same boy that only months ago had rather turned to violence than admit he had basic human urges, just because those urges involved men. It made Renji's chest swell with pride knowing _he_ had helped bring this lustful, sublime creature out from within that hard shell. "Little beast," he murmured, sitting back on his heels between Ichigo's thighs and lifting the long, long, muscular legs, let them rest on his shoulders as he used his messy fingers to slick himself up again. "I wanna hear you say it, Ichigo. Tell me you want this."

Ichigo seemed to know what Renji was asking for, know it wasn't just about wanting his cock back inside him, because that was already glaringly obvious. "I want you. I-I… need you."

"Oh, god yes." Renji sobbed the words out, almost bending the teen in half as he attacked the spit-slick mouth, lapping the fluid from the corners while fumbling to line his cock up to be able to push inside.

He whined into Ichigo's mouth as he sunk into him, convulsed as Ichigo mewled in reply, held still for only a moment before he properly hooked his arms under the strong legs, braced himself against the mattress and started thrusting. "Fuck, Ichigo, I've wanted to do this since… Wanted this since we first read that fucking story, remember? That worthless fucking story that made us both blush.,, All the way back to the shoten after that… I just kept thinking I wanted you like this. _Exactly _like this, you doubled over and oh god, oh my fucking god…"

He couldn't continue, couldn't think straight anymore. The tight heat turned his brain to mush, his insides into magma.

"You…" Ichigo managed to smile. "You talk too much, Renji… Shut up. Fuck me. Fill me."

"_Shit_!"

The teen's legs dangled, slippery with sweat, holding Renji back when he wanted in deeper, wanted to bury himself in his lover for good. He shifted, let Ichigo's thighs rest on his own while wrapping his arms around his waist, scooping him up until he was sitting on his lap.

Renji's grip around Ichigo's waist was almost painfully tight and his own arms circled the tattooed neck as he moved on top of the redhead, tipping his head back and wailing at the ceiling when Renji pulled him down, ground into him and his neck and collar bone were attacked by sharp teeth and a rough tongue.

He felt the powerful body beneath him tense up, felt every muscle swell, felt the arms around him tighten even more and he knew. "Come, Renji… C'mon!"

There were only grunts left in Renji, no coherent words, no moans or snarls. Just feral grunts and a hand reaching up to grab a handful of orange hair and tug Ichigo's head back even further, ripping a shout from the strained throat and letting that sound drag Renji all the way over the edge.

He froze when he came, his grip on Ichigo so hard the boy wasn't able to move an inch.

A few jerky thrusts followed when he'd emptied himself, when the rhythmic swelling had nearly subsided, and then everything grew still except for heaving chests.

After a while Ichigo gingerly untangled himself from Renji, knowing both of them would be too weak to support themselves in a moment. He rose on his knees and grimaced as Renji slipped out of him, followed by a thin trail of come slowly finding its way down the inside of his thigh.

Renji wasn't all there when he met Ichigo's eyes, his own glazed and distant. His gaze slid from Ichigo's face down over the sweaty, lean body, over the swollen, red erection, down to that glistening little trail.

He muttered something unintelligible, reached out and ran a lazy finger up the thigh, catching the come that had just been inside his lover, smearing it over the tan skin. "Beautiful…" He used his whole hand to rub all of it into the skin, leaving a shiny spot, before placing his moist palm on Ichigo's flat belly, pushing softly and asking him to lie down. He somehow, subconsciously almost, wanted what was left of his semen to stay inside the teen.

Ichigo obeyed without a word, thankful for the opportunity to let his trembling muscles relax against the mattress.

They rested, Ichigo's erection never wavering although his body slowly recovered from all the tension.

Renji lay on his side next to him, his head resting on the sweaty chest, his sticky fingers gently running up and down Ichigo's belly, his cock. "We'll have to do something about this…" he murmured, wrapping his fingers around the engorged member and stroking softly. "I want you to come."

Ichigo moaned, bucked into the grip. "Make me…" He pushed Renji off him with gentle hands and sat up. "Help me."

Renji raked the sweat off from his face and chest with the blade of his hand, humming to himself. "I think I know just how." He smiled, eyes brightening, and sat up as well.

The smile Renji wore while pushing Ichigo back down onto his back was hard to interpret. If he had to put it into words, it would've been something like mischievous combined with deadly determined.

Renji kept his hands on Ichigo's shoulders and crawled up to straddle his hips. He leaned down and rubbed his nose against Ichigo's while grabbing the salve that had slipped in under a pillow and then straightened back up again. The smile never faltered as he dipped two fingers into the jar and then let his hand disappear behind him, away from the boy's sight.

"Renji, what are you-" It dawned on Ichigo before he managed to finish the sentence. Above him Renji sighed, brows knit tight in pleasure, and tilted his head back with a soft moan. His arm moved slowly. "Oh."

"I want to feel you come in me, just like I came in you. Will you let me..?" The look in Renji's eyes when he looked back down nearly set Ichigo on fire.

"Y-yeah."

After a few more lazy movements accompanied by soft grunts, Renji let his hand drop to his side, fingers glistening. He let out a shaky breath and leaned down for a kiss.

As their tongues fought and played, Renji managed to scoop up some more salve from the jar, which he coated Ichigo's cock with, slowly jerking him off.

Ichigo growled into his lover's mouth, thrust up into his fist, hands coming up to rest on his hips. He found himself missing Renji's lips the moment they pulled away.

"Feels good?"

He managed a whimper in reply.

"It'll feel even better in a second." Renji rose enough to be able to scoot forward and position himself. His hand slipped off Ichigo's cock for a moment before grabbing it again, this time by reaching back behind him. "Ready?"

"You ask me?" Ichigo stared up at Renji, panting with his mouth open. "Are _you_ ready?"

"Yeah. I am."

The feeling was… He couldn't compare it to anything. Not to his hand, not to Renji's mouth, nothing. It was tight, so fucking tight, and hot and _so deep_. His cock slowly disappeared into Renji and all he could do was stare in amazement while grabbing tattooed hips tightly.

"Shit…" Renji's chest was heaving, eyes closed tight and teeth bared in a snarl. He kept completely still, as if waiting for something.

Oh, right. Adjusting, just like Ichigo had done. No matter how gentle Renji had been it had still hurt a little. No, not really hurt. Been uncomfortable. He'd appreciated the pause he had given him to be able to adjust. He did the same for Renji now, despite his hips aching with the need to move, to thrust up into that tight ass.

Then Renji started to move and Ichigo felt as if the air was sucked from his lungs, as if his heart was about to explode. "Oh god." His grip on Renji's hips loosened. He merely kept his hands there, felt the muscles tense and relax as Renji rose and sunk.

Renji tugged off the tie that barely kept his hair in check anymore, most of it having already escaped and let the red mass fall down and partially cover his face, swaying lightly as he rode Ichigo. "You feel so good, Ichigo, so fucking good. Work with me, baby. Fuck me."

That was all it took for Ichigo to grab the moving hips again. He started thrusting up, short stabbing movements, trying to find Renji's rhythm and gasping when he did.

When Renji sunk down, Ichigo pushed up, their bodies meeting with a wet slap. Just the sound drove the teen crazy. His hips moved on their own accord, the only thing he was really aware of was Renji's face. Renji's open mouth and closed eyes. Renji's black, razor sharp eyebrows pulled together as if in pain. Renji's hair spilling down over his shoulders, covering parts of the hypnotizing tattoos on his chest. Ichigo was amazed. He was _fucking_ Renji. He was inside him, he was thrusting up into this hot, tight, beautiful body that belonged to the man he was in love with. "Fuck, Renji, you… You're…" He let one hip go, reached up and grabbed a handful of scarlet, tugging it lightly.

"Ah, shit! Fuck, Ichi, _fuck_!" Renji shook, little spasms taking over his body, his hips stilling. He sat down heavily with Ichigo buried as deep as was possible inside him.

When he opened his eyes and looked down at Ichigo, a jolt went through the teen's body. Those eyes… Those gorgeous ruby eyes were so dark now. Black almost. He bit his lip and grabbed another handful of hair and tugged, pulled Renji down to him. He wanted to look closer into those eyes. He wanted to see what happened when he tugged harder. He wanted to suck on Renji's tongue until he whimpered. Being inside his lover, pulling his hair, gave him that weird sense of power again, like it had done when he'd tugged on Renji's braid so many nights ago. He wanted to use it.

They were so close their breaths, hot and shallow, mingled. Ichigo kept pulling, slow and steady and finally their lips met. Renji was soft and pliable in his hands and it scared the shit out of Ichigo but he couldn't stop, not now. He bit and sucked on Renji's lips, worked his hips although there wasn't any room to move. Short, jerky movements, enough to make the big shinigami whine into his mouth.

Ichigo was lost in him, totally and utterly lost. The sensations overwhelmed him, rendered him unable to think, unable to do anything but suck and thrust and tug, pull soft little mewls from the man on top of him.

When Renji broke the kiss, he broke the spell and brought Ichigo back to reality.

"You… Fuck, Ichigo. I…" His voice was deep and choked, every word pushed out, none of them making sense. He kept blurting out half sentences, cut off words. Kept cursing and murmuring Ichigo's name. Mumbled against the slender neck while running his fingers down his cheeks, dragging them over his lips and pushing in.

Renji calling his name, the sudden fingers in his mouth, the lingering sense of power… It made something snap in Ichigo and he wrapped one arm around Renji's waist, his other hand pushing a strong shoulder hard.

They tumbled and ended up with Renji on his back, Ichigo on top of him and somehow Ichigo had managed to stay buried inside him.

"Fuck!"

Inexperienced hips started moving, thrusting, and feverish lips attached themselves to a blushing, tattooed neck, sucking, kissing.

"God yes, fuck me… Fuck me."

Instead Ichigo paused. He rose on his arms and looked down at the man beneath him, the fact he was _inside_ him once more hit him and made his head swim.

Renji looked… He looked incredible. His hair fanned out over the pillow behind his head, his cheeks were flushed a dark pink and his lips, puffy and red, were parted, letting quick bursts of air out. The sight of him like this, dishevelled and aroused, made Ichigo's heart swell. He tried to speak, but nothing would come out except little gasps. This big, strong shinigami, oozing of raw power and confidence, was on his back beneath him with his legs parted and his throat bared. Ichigo felt like he would faint.

Renji's hand came up, tightened in Ichigo's hair and moved their faces closer

The tight grip forced the boy out of his daze and he started thrusting again, hard. Young, shaky, frenzied thrusts. Desperate thrusts. It didn't take very long before he felt familiar heat pool in his groin, felt his balls tighten. "Renji… Oh god, Renji, I'm gonna come… Shit, I'm gonna come." His fingers dug into tattooed shoulders, clawed at them.

Big hands cupped his face, pulled him down until their foreheads met with a soft thud. "Come, baby." A low murmur. How Renji managed that in the chaos that were their rocking, entwined bodies Ichigo had no idea but the gentle order pushed him over the edge and when he came his shout was sucked from his mouth and swallowed by his lover.

He was crying, he was sure he was crying but when he finally had the presence to reach up and touch his cheeks they were dry. No, not crying, he was sobbing. Dry intakes of air so shaky and strained they'd turned into sobs. He tried to stop them, to learn how to breathe again.

Gentle fingers ran through his sweaty hair over and over, soothingly. He hadn't noticed before but words accompanied the movements. Soft nothings. Quiet cooing. He opened his eyes, discovered he was resting his head on Renji's broad chest, and finally looked up. Met the eyes of the man looking down at him.

Renji smiled. "Hey…" He ran a finger down Ichigo's nose, collected the sweat drop clinging to the tip. "Welcome back."

"I… I passed out?"

"It's possible you did for a moment, yeah. You definitely zoned out."

"Damn."

Ichigo started to feel his body again, reconnect with it. He was still between Renji's thighs, but no longer inside him. His own thighs ached a little, his now soft cock was sticky and dripping and his backside wasn't in much better shape.

He scrunched his nose.

"Need to wash up?" Renji chuckled.

"Yeah…"

"Me too. Let me go first and then we can take a shower together? Or do you wanna shower alone?"

"I think… I think I need a moment alone first, a shower after that sounds cool."

"Right. Forgot you're almost as full of come as I am."

"Renji! Gross!"

"What, I- That's perfectly natural, isn't it?"

"Still, just… don't."

"Alright, alright. You go first, baby."

Ichigo pushed himself up and grimaced when he felt how sore he was. Then when he got to his feet he had to steady himself against the chair standing next to the bed because his legs felt like they would give out at any moment. The last thing he heard before he managed to hobble out of the room was Renji snickering.

"Shut the fuck up, moron!"

"You're just too cute!" Renji shouted back.

Ichigo slammed the bathroom door shut behind him and walked the one step up to the mirror. He leaned on the sink and studied his face.

His usually bright and wild hair was plastered to his forehead, damp and dark. His cheeks were pink, his pupils dilated. His lips were swollen and large hickeys and bite marks littered his neck and shoulders. He looked, well, _fucked_.

After having studied the details he took in the whole, the naked seventeen year old with a blush on his neck that had spread almost down to his belly, before staring himself straight in the eye. He wondered if he looked any different than before, besides sweat and hickeys. He _felt_ different. He and Renji had fooled around before this evening but now… Now he was no longer a virgin. Now he had fucked and been fucked.

"Huh..."

He scowled at his reflection, stuck his tongue out and then turned on the tap.

The cold water washed his blush away, cleaned off the stray trails of dried and flaky saliva and all the salty sweat, both dried and still dripping. After drying his face off he started filling the sink and while waiting for it to fill up he sat down on the toilet and hid his face in his hands, a new angry blush instantly heating up his cooled off face.

So this was sex. Messy and unhygienic. Straight up uncomfortable afterwards when the fluids going in had to come out again. He'd thought he wouldn't have a problem with it, not since he'd loved playing with come on other occasions. But then again it hadn't been up his- "Fuck."

He cleaned himself up best he could, flushed and turned the tap off before dunking his entire head in the cold, cold water.

These were strange times.

-

After having showered and changed the sheets they'd ended up in the tiny living room on the tiny couch in front of the tiny TV. Ichigo leaned against Renji who was flipping through the channels without really watching while absently stroking two fingertips over Ichigo's tongue.

He nipped at them with a sigh while shifting against Renji's side, unable to make his mind up if he should bite or suck or just speak up.

"Something bothering you, baby?"

Ichigo let the fingers slip from his mouth with a wet plop and straightened up. "No." He bit his lip. "Yeah…"

Renji raised a brow and turned the TV off. "What's up?"

"Why didn't you get in touch? When you were gone, I mean."

The redhead sighed and smoothed a hand over his forehead. "I was busy like you wouldn't believe, but that's not really it… I- Listen, Ichigo, if we're gonna do this we have to know this is how it's gonna be. You'll be here and I'll be over in Soul Society most of the time. I didn't mean to hurt you. You know that, right?"

Ichigo nodded, looked to the side. Then he frowned and looked back at Renji. "'We're gonna do this'..?"

"Do you want to be with me, Ichigo?"

"Yes."

"As in making a commitment?"

"I think so."

"Then this is how it's gonna be… We'll work it out somehow."

"So… you wanna be with me too..?"

"Yeah… I do. I think I realised that when I was away from you. I like you, Ichigo. Very much."

"I… I like you too."

"Good." Renji offered a nervous smile. "This is new to me, you know."

Ichigo smiled back as he saw the vulnerability in Renji's eyes. It calmed his racing heart a little. He wasn't the only one. Finally something Renji hadn't done a thousand times before. "Yeah, same here."

Renji let out a shaky breath and reached up to smooth his thumb over Ichigo's cheek. He seemed out of words, but his eyes said all that really needed saying.

The teen's dark ambers spoke volumes as well.

"Let's go to bed, baby."

There was a kind of bittersweet quality to their night together. No sadness, just a rich, deep taste permeating the sugary events. It was all so big, not just to Ichigo, to them both. Although he had been the one having sex for the first time it had still been their first time together and it was all frighteningly new to Renji as well, because despite having performed the physical act so many times before he couldn't recall it ever having felt like this.

The gravity of the events had struck them both with a sense of vertigo that made them cling to each other in the narrow bed, both their heads spinning as they fell asleep.

-

Ichigo woke up the next morning to find himself wrapped in tattooed arms. He looked up at the ceiling, blinked owlishly and then curled up closer to the warm body next to him. His lips found a pulse point so he sucked on it gently, his hand moving on its own accord and sliding down over well defined abdominal muscles, fingers coming to a rest in the patch of thick, coarse hair below.

He was sore from the night before, felt his entire body ache as he started to wake up properly, but he still couldn't keep his hands away, couldn't stop himself from kissing his way up to an ear and sucking on the lobe.

It drew a moan that made his cock stir. "Morning…" He started licking the tender skin behind the lobe before shifting in Renji's arms, pushing himself up so he could kiss his entire face properly, drag his lips over a prickly sideburn up to a smooth temple, let the tip of his tongue trace the tattoos on Renji's forehead. He kissed his way down a straight nose, around parted, waiting lips without touching them and proceeded to suck softly on the strong chin.

He really had no idea of what he was doing, it just felt right. It was as if he wanted to memorize his lover's face not just with his eyes, but with other senses too. Like a blind person, but using his… mouth. God, he was weird.

Big-knuckled fingers came up, traced his jaw, tickled the corners of his mouth as he sucked, and then invaded, hooked one of those corners and pulled his face away. Two of them found their way into his mouth, all the way to the third knuckle.

It was his turn to moan as Renji slowly, sluggishly started fucking him with those fingers.

"You really like using your mouth, don't you…" Renji's voice was rough from sleep, every syllable creating a shiver that ran down Ichigo's back.

He would have answered, but since he had his mouth full he started sucking, showing that, yes, he liked it very much and thanks for letting him.

"Yeah… You do. Sucking on my fingers like you'd suck my dick. Shit…"

Ichigo moaned again, pushed his tongue between Renji's fingers and let the tip tickle the junction where the two digits met.

Renji groaned, leaning his head back and baring his throat. "God, when did you _learn to do this_?"

He answered by sucking harder, which in turn was answered by Renji fucking his mouth deeper and soon they were both moaning with every breath.

Renji added a third finger, craned his neck and watched as he stretched Ichigo's mouth, saw the thin trail of spit running down his chin, and just couldn't take it anymore. He pulled out, grabbed Ichigo by the jaw with his messy fingers and angled his head so he could lick that tiny little glistening trail away, a fine string of saliva hanging trembling between them as he pulled away.

"Renji…"

"Shut up, baby. Suck on my tongue instead."

They ended up fucking again, Ichigo on his back with a pillow under his ass to give Renji better access. He was sore. It hurt a little but it was a good hurt, it made him rock and moan.

It was just… heaven. He came from skilfully angled thrusts that brushed against his prostate while a rough hand worked his cock just right, squeezing the head ever so gently and rubbing precome into the silky skin.

Renji once again covered Ichigo's mouth with his when he came, muffled his cry as if he wanted it inside him, and not long after he returned the cry, hands stained with semen suddenly on Ichigo's hips in a bruising grip as Renji fucked him hard and came deep inside him.

They laid there panting, Renji running his fingers through the come staining Ichigo's belly and chest, occasionally feeding it to the boy, painting his lips with it and then kissing it away..

"That was…" The redhead paused to gnaw lightly on a collar bone. "…a good way to wake up."

"Yeah, definitely." Ichigo in turn rubbed his sweaty cheek against Renji's mussed hair. "I like it when you talk like that."

"Like what?"

"You know… Dirty."

"Oh, you like that, huh? Good to know. It's hard not to when you're so sexy, you know? You're not the only one who likes to use his mouth."

Ichigo grinned at that.

"So…" Renji slid even closer and curled up, resting his head on Ichigo's heaving chest. "You like it when I tell you to suck? How good it feels to fuck you?"

Ichigo groaned.

"Yeah? How much I love being inside you? 'Cause I do, baby. You're so hot, so tight, squeezing my dick so hard I have to use all my fucking willpower not to come inside you right away…"

"Renji…"

Renji's voice sunk into a husky whisper. "Feels so good coming inside you, baby…"

"Fuck."

"Like it when I do that?"

"Yeah…" Ichigo shifted, raised his hips.

"C'mon, I wanna hear you say it."

"I like it when you c- ah!" Blunt fingernails had closed over one stiff little nipple, pinching it lightly.

"Say it…" Renji's voice changed into a dark purr, something that belonged in the chest of a jungle cat.

"W-when you come in me."

"Fuck yeah. I know you do… I can see it in your eyes when I'm about to, see them grow dark. But I like hearing you say it… I like it when you talk dirty too, you know." He released the nipple and let his hand slide down Ichigo's chest until it reached the erection straining against the flat stomach."All hard for me again…" he murmured.

"This is insane." The teen rubbed a hand over his face. "It's been like ten minutes since I came."

"Well, you do have a lot of catching up to do, remember?" Renji lifted his head and grinned up at his lover. "Don't worry, you won't have to lift a finger. I'll get you off so sweet. I'll just wrap my hand around your cock like this…"

Ichigo moaned. He was sore but it still felt good, just on the right side of pain.

"Work it _real_ slow like this…" The shinigami pushed himself up to his knees while moving his hand gently. "And then I'll use my other hand to, oh…" His fingers had slid up the inside of a trembling thigh. "You're all slippery with my come, know that?"

Ichigo threw his head back against the pillow. "Fuck!" He rammed his fist into the headboard with a rough laugh. "This is crazy! It's like a porno or something..."

"Hey, I've heard of those."

Ichigo blinked, looked at Renji, his hard-on forgotten. "_Heard of_? What, you don't have pornos in Soul Society?"

Renji let his hands slip from Ichigo, wiped them off on his thighs. "Well, there's porn, but not movies. Uh, that I know of, at least. Oh, hey! We gotta buy some!"

"What? Pornos? Forget it."

"Come on!"

"Renji, I'm not even old enough to do that. Besides, I'd…"

"What, you'd die of embarrassment? You little prude!"

Ichigo grabbed the pillow behind his head and slammed it into Renji's face. "Shut up!"

The redhead laughed and ripped the pillow from Ichigo's hand, smacking him right back. "Aw, you're blushing! You had my cock up your ass not fifteen minutes ago and you're actually blushing from just talking about buying a damn movie. You're so fucking _cute_!"

"I said _shut up_!" Ichigo launched himself at the shinigami, sending them both tumbling over the edge of the bed, laughing and trading blows.

-

Walking home several hours later, Ichigo was limping slightly and hoped it wasn't too noticeable. He didn't particularly look forward to seeing his father, still suspecting it somehow showed that he'd lost his virginity. He could imagine the lecture on birds and bees and safe sex and favourable positions he was sure to get.

At least his neck wasn't covered in hickeys anymore. The ointments Soul Society had for dealing with bruising worked wonders. It was a good thing Renji had brought some with him, along with the lube.

Renji… Renji was back. The fact hit him over and over but somehow it didn't quite stick. No matter how many times they kissed, no matter how deep Renji was buried in him, no matter how hard he smacked him it still seemed a little unreal.

He knew he had issues with people leaving, he'd picked up enough psychology in school to know that his mother's death had left him with a fear of being abandoned. He was pretty sure that had been the case when he'd chased after Rukia into Soul Society with such desperate frenzy it has felt as if he'd held his breath until he saw her again. Same thing when he'd went after Inoue into Hueco Mundo.

Maybe all the damn need to _protect_ stemmed from that fear. If he kept everyone safe he wouldn't be alone.

Something like that.

He never got very good grades in psychology.

Renji had left. Ichigo hadn't handled it very well, despite knowing he would be back sooner or later. There had been that little _what if_ tormenting him and robbing him of his sleep.

He would apparently need some time to get the fact into his thick skull that the big stupid shinigami was back in his life.

Renji gave Ichigo countless opportunities to do just that the following weeks, seeing as he refused to leave the young substitute shinigami alone. He more or less attached himself to the boy and hung on, much to said boy's delight.

It didn't take them very long to develop a routine.

When Ichigo was in school, Renji did his best to take in as much as he could of the living world. He read books, watched TV, walked around town and used his brand new 'goddamn awesome, much cooler than yours' computer to check things up online. When he was up to it, that is. He spent far too much time goofing off in Ichigo's opinion, but then it wasn't he who had to write rapports.

Renji more often than not picked Ichigo up after school and they took long walks, sat down for coffee, went to the movies or library or wherever else Renji thought it would be necessary to go for his research.

Later in the evening he cooked for them both while Ichigo went through his notes, correcting what he could and giving some pointers. They ate and after that Ichigo started on whatever school assignments needed to be done while Renji cleaned up and did the dishes.

When he was finished with those he started bugging Ichigo until he either got his ass kicked or got Ichigo's clothes off, the teen complaining about falling behind in school all the way into the bedroom, the times they made it that far.

They fucked like rabbits and then snuggled for as long as they could without falling asleep, before they both went back to work, sitting at the tiny kitchen table with books and notebooks lying around everywhere.

Ichigo stayed the night as often as he could, but although his father seemed ecstatic about having 'such a grown up son who never spent any time at home', he still liked to show his face there at least a couple of times a week.

He slept incredibly well next to Renji.

They sparred often, worked themselves sweaty and beyond, bruised and bled and laughed while honing their sword skills and keeping themselves strong, lean and agile.

Now and then they dispatched of a stray hollow or sent some poor lost soul on their merry way to the afterlife.

All in all they had a pretty good thing going.

Ichigo was smiling a lot more these days. His classmates and Karin told him it was freaking them out and he really did try to do it less, but just wasn't able to. Renji loved it and told him so as often as he could.

He knew six months would pass sooner or later but just couldn't be bothered with it. This time he knew for sure Renji would come back and if he didn't, Ichigo would go to Soul Society, grab him by the scruff of his neck and make him.

Simple as that.

-

Epilogue

_There's this__ one minute... This one single minute when the frown on your face is completely erased, right after you've come. When your brow is smooth and the only thing present in your eyes is contentment._

_I'll do anything to see that minute more often, to make it two in the future. To prolong it as much as I can._

_I love you, baby._

------

------

A/n

Thus endeth the saga of Almighty Abarai and Doomsday-frown boy.

I **NEVER EVER** thought it'd be even possible for me to receive so many kind words. It's seriously insane, you guys! Much love! So, so much love.

I know I've been asking for your thoughts in every chapter and I'm sorry if this makes me a comment whore. It's just… You guys are the ones who made me keep writing, encouraged me to continue, ensured me my English was good enough and that I was an ok storyteller. This has been one hell of a ride and my very first fanfic became a long damn multi-chapter, all thanks to you.

So, I'll ask you one last time. If you enjoyed this story, have opinions on it, want to point out what was good or bad, feel free to leave a comment. You will make me even happier than you already have.

Thank you.

P.s. Except for chap. 1, 2 and 5 the names of the chapters are taken from tracks on the album _A book of human language_ by Aceyalone (might be the best hiphop album ever made.)

Peace out


End file.
